Fic: No More Words for thedreamisreal

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Title: No More Words
Author: ceredwensirius
Recipient: thedreamisreal
Rating: G
Highlight for Warnings: *Sirius says 'Damn'*
Word Count: 3193
Summary: When Sirius and Remus see each other after the Triwizard Tournament, they find that there are no words necessary.
Author's notes: When I saw your prompt, the story just unfolded before me. I’m sorry I didn’t get the Hogwarts Era in here but it is a light, humorous little piece that is quite low on angst and drama free. I do hope that you enjoy it. I hope you have a very happy holiday season!!



The letter arrived about a week after Remus last spoke to Harry at Hogwarts. The fact that the bird delivering the missive was fancy plumed, ridiculously colorful and decidedly not an owl surprised him at first.

The letter itself was written on a bit of wrinkled parchment that had once been a page of the Daily Prophet; page seven to be exact, as the effort to rid the rag of its ink was not wholly successful. The original lettering shined faintly underneath the words written over it, in the long elegant script that was as familiar to him as his own cramped scrawl.

Remus,

I am out of the country and safe. Obviously I cannot tell you where I am or where I am going, but I remember well how you worry. It was so good to see you again, though not nearly long enough for my taste. I want you to know that I do not blame you for any of this. I imagine you have been fretting, and holding yourself responsible for every conceivable thing. Please don’t. I’m just glad that you are alive and well, and that we’re friends again.

I want to stay in touch, would you mind terribly writing to me? I want to know how you are, and how you are living.

I know there are many years between the last words we spoke to each other before the death of James and Lily, and the last we saw each other. There are so many things we need to discuss and no time in which to discuss them. The past hangs like a shadow over us, and all that we once were. It may be some time before we see each other again, but the difference now is that we have the truth between us instead of so many lies.

It is very like you not to want to talk about any of it, but I think that is rubbish. We did nothing wrong, you and I. It was war and the doubt it breeds and that miserable excuse for a human, Wormtail, but never us, my Moony. Are you still mine? When next I see you, I hope to have that answer, and I hope the answer is yes.

Life is short, Remus, a fact we both know only too well. Please write to me. I’d like to know where I stand when I see you again.

Yours as ever,
Sirius


The letter dropped from Remus’ shaking fingers as he stood up and left the room.

*

It was two whole days before he picked it up again, and read through Sirius’ blustering and straight forward note.

“Impertinent,” he muttered affectionately, before taking pen to paper.

Sirius,

I am back at my parents’ country home in Kent. I’ve not been here since last summer and the garden is horribly overgrown. Mother passed away shortly after Christmas and no one has bothered to tend it since. In all honesty, I think it went untended long before that.

Once I have the garden cleared and planted I am thinking of building a sty and purchasing a pregnant sow. Father did so every spring for meat through the winter, and I may find I have need of it. The money I earned at Hogwarts is likely to last only so long. I am trying to be frugal, but even so, a finite sum is a finite sum.

I’ve been able to pick up a few odd jobs here and there, though nothing steady. The Muggles here are friendly and must think I have a kind face. All the better for me, I suppose, though the scars do seem to put some off. I couldn’t say I blame them.

Despite your kind words, I feel as though I must offer some sort of apology, inadequate though it may be, for the situation you find yourself in. I knew the danger, and in my haste to catch Pettigrew I lost all sense of reason. Were it not for me, you would be a free man now. I feel ill whenever I think on it.

I hope in time you learn to forgive me. Until then, I can only wish you a safe journey, and offer hope that you stay out of harm’s way. I do hope we continue to write each other, as I have an interest in your well being.

Cordially,
R. J. Lupin

*

“Cordially, R. J. Lupin,” said Sirius, disbelieving, the letter held precariously in trembling fingers.

This was not the reply he had been hoping for. He spent the next twenty minutes reading, and rereading the letter at least five times, hoping to discern some hidden message between the lines of garden tending and sow maintenance.

The words in the letter were so controlled, so unyielding in any matter of hidden feelings, a fact that was punctuated rather harshly on the closing.

“Cordially,” he muttered again. “How very like you, Moony. You never did know how to react when your cage was rattled.”

He took his time considering how to reply, how to get through to his friend and former lover. The truth, he suspected, lay in Remus’ request for forgiveness. It was as though he hadn’t even read Sirius’ letter, or perhaps had read, but not believed. As far as Sirius was concerned, Remus had acted in Harry’s best interest. Pettigrew was a legitimate threat to his godson’s welfare, and in Sirius’ mind, Harry came before all else.

Remus,

You daft wolf. You did exactly as I would have. You saw on the map that Harry was in danger. It is unfortunate that things didn’t turn out differently, I agree, but you are not to blame. You have never known me to lie, Remus, so please believe me now. There is nothing to forgive, but if you believe that this is something that you need from me, then fine, you have it. I forgive you.

You must realize you did nothing to harm me. My situation is the same as it always was, no different. And as far as my journey, I will only say that I am becoming fond of those drinks with the little umbrellas. They are too delicious for their own good. If I could safely send you a postcard it would say, ‘Wish You Were Here.’

I know that I am repeating myself, and maybe I am a fool, but if so, then I am your fool. Do you still care for me, even in some small way, as I still care for you? Write to me, Moony. Tell me where I stand, and whether there is room for me in your life one day.

Yours faithfully,
Sirius


*

It was, to Sirius’ great dismay, some months before he got a letter in reply. Actually, as he thought on it, it had really only been two months, but it most definitely felt like more. It was delivered by a very plain looking barn owl, probably one borrowed from Hogwarts as it was unlikely Remus would entrust a letter to Sirius with a Ministry-issue post owl.

Sirius ripped the letter from the owl, taking a nip for his trouble before offering the beleaguered bird a bit of bacon for its trouble (and as an apology). He unfurled it with haste and eagerly read the words as though they were water to a man dying of thirst.

Sirius,

Do forgive me for the lateness of my reply. It seems that I have been adopted by a wayward Crup, and while it is pleasant enough company so long as I keep it away from the nearby village, it eats practically anything that gets too close to it. I’ve got it a bit better behaved now, but I must regretfully admit that it consumed your last letter.

I am fortunate that the sow I purchased is quite ferocious in defense of her young, or it is likely I would have lost one of the piglets before I got the Crup under control. In case you were wondering, I’ve named him Fresser, which is the German word for glutton.

The vegetable garden is almost ready for harvest, and I am otherwise doing relatively well. I look forward to hearing from you.

I hope this letter finds you well.

Warm regards,
Remus


Though he was marginally appeased by the fact Remus signed his letter ‘Remus’ this time instead of ‘R. J. Lupin,’ Sirius was still in a mild state of shock.

“The dog ate my homework, excuse?” he asked the letter, shaking it a little, wishing he could instead shake Remus, or better still kiss some sense into him. He looked skyward as though help might be found there. “Do you believe this, Prongs? Moony, prefect Moony, used the dog ate my homework excuse; what is the world coming to?” He looked at the letter once again, highly disgruntled.

“I’m the damn dog, you nitwit.”

*

The return letter came a full two weeks later, while Remus was in his garden doing some early harvesting. A rather fat and lazy-looking Jack Russell terrier looked out from the porch with a disinterested gaze. Remus had rather thought it would come sooner, realizing, as the exhausted mallard Sirius employed came to a rather graceless stop atop a pumpkin, that the delay was likely a punishment of sorts.

As soon as the letter was free, the mallard flew off and over to Remus’ small pond and set about the business of recovery from a long flight. Remus tossed the letter into the basket of vegetables he had gathered, deciding it was high time for a spot of tea.

Remus,
I am on the run, in a foreign country, and though doing quite well am still deserving of a better answer than ‘the dog ate my homework.’ Please, Remus, don’t keep me in suspense. Tell me how things are there, where I stand with you, what is truly important.

Please keep your tales of the garden and save them for the old men in your village who will be far more appreciative, and ready to bore you with tales of their own. Neither do I particularly care to know how your blasted sow is doing. You, Remus; you are what I am interested in.

Yours,
Sirius


*

The day that Remus’ reply arrived was a banner day for letters in Sirius’ corner of the world. He received three. One from Dumbledore, one from Harry, and of course, the one from Remus. He saved the best for last, certain that he had finally gotten through. There was really no getting around his last request.

Or so he had truly, earnestly believed.

Sirius,

I was delighted to receive your letter, though a little surprised you didn’t believe me about Fresser. He was quite the vicious little thing, though now a truly lovely companion. I never did have quite your way with animals, but will admit to some skill. I think when you meet him, you will quite like him, or perhaps Padfoot will.

I am more than pleased to tell you how I am doing. I just finished a bit of shopping in the village earlier today (you were right, the old men do enjoy my gardening stories) and am delighted to report that the price of tea is the lowest I have ever seen it. Quite a boon for me, as you know how I love my tea. I stocked up on extra so that I always have some on hand that I might enjoy a nice long letter from you and sip in contentment.

Sincerely,
R. J. Lupin


Were it not for the fact that every letter from Remus was a precious commodity, Sirius would have chucked the damn thing in the nearest body of standing and stagnant water.

*

The return reply came the two days later, dangling from the spindly legs of stork. Remus really had no idea how Sirius was able to charm so many species of birds into doing his bidding.

Moony,

I’ll be in the country soon. You’ll know where to find me, though I expect I’ll be finding you first.

Padfoot


Remus stared out the window, tea quite forgotten in its chipped porcelain container, and sent up a small prayer to whatever deity might be listening that Sirius have a safe journey.

*
Another letter arrived shortly after the last. Remus was almost glad for it, as he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to Sirius’ urgent note. The letter this time was brought by Harry’s snowy owl, Hedwig, which told Remus all he needed to know about where Sirius currently was.

Moony,

I am going to ask you not to respond to this letter, as I am already taking owls from both Harry and Dumbledore and have no desire to have my location revealed to those who shouldn’t know.

I haven’t mentioned anything about it, because with you, I’ve been trying to focus on us, and not on this war or Harry’s welfare. I’m sure you are aware of the Triwizard Tournament, and it can’t have escaped your notice that a fourth contestant made it in to the competition. I would love nothing better than to go over the details with you, but I suppose that will have to wait, at least for a little while. I am focused solely on Harry now, and seeing him alive and well at the end of this thing. Damn all magically binding contracts and Dumbledore’s short-sightedness. He should have made a provision in the event of such a happening, that no one of age was able to offer their consent. There are times when I fear that he will be the death of us all, and Harry too.

But enough of my ranting about Dumbledore. I do wish that I could receive a letter from you, even if you spent every last word detailing your crop yield this year and all of your sow’s many piglets. I would take anything, Moony, so long as it was from you.

Take care of yourself, and as soon as I am able, I will come to you and deal with my many unanswered questions in person.

Yours as ever,
Sirius


Hedwig was given a night’s respite and in the morning was sent off with a letter for Dumbledore.

Headmaster.

I’ve no idea what a certain shaggy friend of ours will do with himself at the end of all of this, but know that if he has need of shelter and someone to look after him, you can always send him here. It is the least I can do in light of the trouble I caused for you in my short tenure as one of your staff.

Cordially,
R. J. Lupin


*

Remus spent the next couple of months going over old articles in the Daily Prophet, searching mostly in vain for relatable items and clues. He made large charts that hung from his kitchen wall as he tried to piece all of the players together and decipher exactly who might be working for Voldemort from inside the castle. Karkaroff looked to be the most likely suspect based solely on appearances, but there was no one to discuss his theories with, no one to bounce ideas around with, no one with a keen and active mind that could pick out clues, twist them on a knut and show you the angles you never even considered. His charts served mostly as poor decoration in his small, shabby little kitchen.

When the answer did come, it was delivered by an owl. The Daily Prophet covered the subject of Cedric’s death in scant detail and Remus wanted to scream because he knew there was more to the story. He mourned sincerely for the handsome boy he had taught the year before, and hoped with all his heart that Harry was alive.


R.J.L.,

I send to you a raven with ill tidings; that noble bird will be weary and need a place to roost.

A.D.


Remus let out a long, slow breath. So Dumbledore took him up on his offer after all, but what of Harry? He barely noticed as the teacup slipped from his grasp and fell shattering to the floor.

*

Sirius knew the countryside around Kent well enough, so getting lost wasn’t really a concern, and certainly not the reason for his racing nerves. He had asked repeatedly where he stood with Remus- was there hope for them; did Remus still care.

Sirius was sure of it, just as he was sure Remus was afraid, or was mired in guilt, and wasn’t letting himself feel what he felt, or ask for what he wanted. What Sirius hoped he wanted.

He’d had to travel carefully, as hiding something as large as a hippogriff was no mean feat. They managed by traveling only at night and hiding deep in the thick woods that were becoming a scarcity as he roamed the sky over rich pastureland.

He knew the house well, the small farmstead where Remus had grown up and where in their youth they had rambled together over the countryside. It wasn’t a large place, but it was dear to Remus’ heart, which in turn made it dear to Sirius.

He spent quite a while in a nearby wooded area, getting Buckbeak settled in and content, satisfied to bed down and stay hidden until Sirius came for him the following day for food and exercise. From there it was a miles walk in, made far easier when he transformed into Padfoot and sped across the fields, using the exertion to work off some nervousness.

At a distance, with the rooftop peeking up over the top of a small hill, the place looked much unchanged. But when Sirius regained his own vision, he could see the differences, the wear- the years of poor or no upkeep. He passed through a small latched gate, and then by the sow in her pen, settled in for the night with her sucklings.

On the house porch, resting at the top step and barely flickering an ear to acknowledge his presence was a small, obese terrier that was rather decidedly not a Crup.

A soft knock at the door brought softer footsteps, and then a creak as the door slowly swung open. Remus was wearing a ridiculous, frilly apron that had clearly belonged to his mother, and Sirius could detect rich smells of something delicious wafting out from the kitchen. The paring knife in Remus’ hand clattered useless and forgotten to the floor, his eyes filling with the love he had so much trouble putting down in print. They stood for a moment, just taking each other in, the words in Sirius’ letter hanging heavy between them. Then Remus smiled, and Sirius knew that no more words would be necessary.

Comments

[dogsunderfoot.livejournal.com]

Awww! I absolutely adore the ending to this!
The letters were fabulous. Loved the 'dog ate his homework' excuse and Sirius' dwelling upon that ("I'm the damn dog, you nitwit"--hee hee!)
So nicely done, and so very typically Remus and Sirius. Well done!

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This was a lot of fun to write! I'm glad you liked the ending, I did too!

[brighty18.livejournal.com]

I have oodles of mad, inappropriate love for this, my dear.

Yes, at times, I wanted to slap Remus for his reticence, it was more that compensated for by the glorious ending. The paring knife in Remus’ hand clattered useless and forgotten to the floor, his eyes filling with the love he had so much trouble putting down in print. They stood for a moment, just taking each other in, the words in Sirius’ letter hanging heavy between them. Then Remus smiled, and Sirius knew that no more words would be necessary.
That was very much what both Sirius and I need to know.

And, of course, the farmer in my was entirely too interested in his damned sow and garden. Geekily, I could not stop myself from thinking, "Oh, a pig, good choice, Remus, for they provide lots of food for the cost of feed and can also turn over your garden." Yeah, I need a life.

Siriusly, though, Sirius was so darling in this. You always write him well, but you captured him so nicely via the missive structure of this fic. I felt badly for him not knowing, yet I could understand Remus' reluctance to share. In fact, your Remus was delightfully in character, too.

Oh, and it was the little bits that just made this wonderful. The different types of birds, the phrase "are you still mine," the dog-that-ate-my-homework excuse, Sirius' reactions to Remus' cold letters and the way he persisted in writing back and believing... and, well, all of it, really.

Well done!

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad! I still feel a little bad that I didn't stick some Christmas in here, but it just didn't seem to fit. I did try but then took it back out.

I am partial to the ending as well. It was hard to craft with no dialog at all, but then, that was sort of the point. Sirius really did need to know that his feelings were returned.

I actually thought of you when putting in the farm stuff. You're posts were sort of the inspiration for that. No chickens or goats, but still... farm, lol.

The details were fun, I loved deciding what birds to use, heh.

[remuslives23.livejournal.com]

Loved how Remus so cleverly evaded Sirius' questions, and how easily they were all answered with just one smile in the end. Love this! So sweet and perfect!

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks hun! I loved the ending too!

[taigne.livejournal.com]

I like the epistolary, and Sirius obsessing over the way Remus signs his name. You can almost see Remus dithering over what to write in his letters, and I like the way he finds it easier to offer via Dumbledore than directly to Sirius. Then they finally meet at the end and it doesn't need writing down, it's so sweet!

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thanks! When I saw the gift request I knew just what I wanted to do with it. And yes, Sirius did obsess, and Remus dithered, and in the end found it easier to go through Dumbledore than Sirius. I like my Remus a bit reserved, and not always sure what to do with his emotions.

[werewolfsfan.livejournal.com]

This was a fascinating and I believe untried way of showing that period between Sirius' flight after the reunion in the shack and "Lie Low at Lupin's." I too wanted to shake Remus but that reticence was in keeping with Professor Lupin just as the fabulous reunion at the very end was totally Moony of "embraced him like a brother" fame.
The details are very winning also like the farm news, exotic birds, the lazy dog and the "dog at my homework" excuse.

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Oh, Remus! LOL. I totally wanted to smack him. His "dog ate my homework" excuse made me laugh out loud. Very fun read. :-)

[crooked.livejournal.com]

this entire fic was lovely to read, but oh there is something about the bit where Sirius looks to the sky and speaks to James. ♥

great job! :)

[westwardlee.livejournal.com]

Wonderful characterization of both Sirius and Remus - the brash and the reticent, two opposites that, nevertheless, attracted each other. The ending is superb.

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

This was a lovely story! Oh, Remus, you evasive, daft, tongue-tied bastard. The dog ate your homework? *shakes head* Oh dear. :-P The ending was perfect! I have to add that I really love how you phrased Dumbledore's short note to Remus - very clever!

[leafyaki.livejournal.com]

*g* How very lovely and well written this is! I love Remus's reticent in writing, but how nothing further needs to be said once they meet each other. It is very darling, the ending is wonderful, and I really, really felt for both Sirius and Remus throughout this whole thing ♥

[sirimusea.livejournal.com]

awww the ending was so sweet! I loved it a lot :D Remus' letters to Sirius did make me tear up a bit but the ending made up for it XD