Fic: A Winter Storm, or The Marks of Change for blackliquorice

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Title: A Winter Storm, or The Marks of Change
Author:starla_kid
Written for:blackliquorice
Rating: R
Prompt: Winter Storm
Summary: He watched as the wind and the snow swirled about in the twilight beyond the glass. Remus thought that the storm expressed for him all the feelings that he was unable to. It was a comfort to him that the world knew how to show its torment, even if he did not
Other Notes: Thanks topaddynmoon  for the read through.

 

 

 

A Winter Storm, or The Marks of Change.

 

The seat by the window was one of Remus’ favourite places to be. The Gryffindor common room was a boisterous and noisy place at the best of times. Nowhere should it have offered peace, but this low chair with its faded gold upholstery and arms that wrapped around the sitter, offered a view out into the grounds of Hogwarts that soothed Remus’ mind. And, as he sat sideways on, his knees to his chest and his head resting on the wing of the chair, Remus had reason to seek respite. He watched as the wind and the snow swirled about in the twilight beyond the glass. Remus thought that the storm expressed for him all the feelings that he was unable to. It was a comfort to him that the world knew how to show its torment, even if he did not.

 

He sat watching the snow disappearing into the winter gloom and was faced instead with a dark reflection of himself. Avoiding the confrontation, he looked beyond his image and saw James and Sirius wrestling on the floor, a crowd of onlookers cheering them on. Annoyance twisted in his stomach. He swallowed hard, intent on avoiding a flare up of the anger that had dogged him like indigestion for weeks. It was not anger with James or Sirius, but a deep and festering anger with himself. He caught a glimpse again of his reflection in the glass. The face didn’t seem to belong to him, calm and impassive as ever it was, and he wished that he could see the blizzard again, still raging and fighting with itself in the December night.

 

His eyes were closed when he heard Peter plonk himself in the opposite chair.

‘I don’t know how you can sleep in here, Moony,’ he said. ‘Not with those two at it again.’

‘Ah, well, you see I’m used to it by now Peter,’ he said, opening his eyes and smiling. ‘It’s almost comforting really. It’s like those people who live near railways and find they can sleep better with the sound of the trains on the tracks. I get insomnia when I go home, you know.’

‘I don’t,’ said Peter. ‘I think Mum drugs me or something.’

Remus looked at Peter’s face to see if he was joking, both of them finally laughing at just the moment when worry started to gnaw at Remus’ gut. He had always worried about Peter, the weakest in their group. He so rarely let any of them see what he was really thinking, leading everyone to believe that Peter didn’t think at all.

‘Are you looking forward to going home for the holidays?’ Remus asked.

‘I suppose so. Food, presents, home, a good night’s sleep.’ He paused for a moment. ‘But I’m not sure if any of that is really where I belong any more, Remus. Do you understand?’

Remus was surprised by Peter’s honesty, but his face gave none of that surprise away.

‘I think so. Would you rather stay here?’

‘Perhaps. Though I’m beginning to wonder if it’s time for a change.’ Peter was quiet, looking on at James who had Sirius lying on his front with his hands tied behind his back with a curtain cord.

‘Potter is victorious once more!’ James crowed and a great cheer erupted. Peter stifled a giggle as Sirius wriggled on the floor and swore in his most indignant aristocratic manner.

 

‘Right you lot, get to bed,’ came the voice of a prefect. ‘And Potter, untie Black before he invents a new word.’

It was only early, but people began drifting up to bed, worn out by the seemingly never ending term and the dark days and even darker nights.

‘See you in the morning, Remus,’ said Peter who had seemingly reverted back to normal and was tripping over himself to follow James up the stairs.

 

He closed his eyes again and breathed deep against his emotions once more. He tried not to see in his mind’s eye Sirius’ chest exposed by James ripping at his shirt, nor the look of fierceness in Sirius’s eyes as he was finally controlled and subdued, his hands behind his back. It was those very visions that made Remus so angry. He wondered constantly to himself if this was something that the wolf brought on; a need to have humans at his mercy. But every time he came to that conclusion, he was confronted by the glaring fact that he wished only to see Sirius in that way. Powerless and furious and more shiningly beautiful than he ever was even when trussed up in his most expensive robes.

 

‘Well, I thought I could’ve relied on my old friend Moony for a bit of support out there,’ said Sirius as he sat in the chair where Peter had been. Remus kept his eyes closed. Behind his eyelids he could already see Sirius, his hair wild and his skin flushed. ‘Wake up will you,’ said Sirius, poking his foot into Remus’ shin. ‘I thought you liked having sensible conversations with people. If you won’t support me in my match with Potter, you can at least try and be civil when I talk to you.’

Remus’ anger erupted inside him again and this time he was unable to control it. The smell of Sirius’ sweat and the feel of his foot on Remus’ leg had tipped the balance. He stood up and glared down at Sirius. His brain had thought of a thousand words to say, ways to get Sirius to shut up, ways to take out his irrational feelings on Sirius in a harmless way, but his brain had nothing to do with the situation. He leant down and took a fistful of Sirius’ shirt, still open and carelessly revealing one of his nipples.

‘I am…not capable of conversation, Sirius,’ he ground out through his teeth. He pulled Sirius up out of the chair and down into the centre of the common room. There were still a few people sitting around. They looked on at this new turn of events. It was only ever Sirius and James who fought, never the other Marauders. The atmosphere darkened with Remus glaring at each of the other students and one by one they left the room.

‘Hang on Moony,’ Sirius said with a tremor in his voice. ‘I was only joshing you know.’

Remus replied by pushing Sirius to the ground and kneeling over him, one leg either side of his ribs. A glint flashed through Sirius’ eyes and he grabbed hold of Remus by the shoulders, raised a knee and flipped him over onto his back. Remus kneed Sirius in his side and pulled his head back by his hair, leaving his throat exposed. With a thrust of strength Remus was out from underneath Sirius and had him on his knees, his head still pulled backwards. Remus knelt behind him.

‘What the hell, Moony…’ Sirius choked out. Remus’ other arm was tight around Sirius’ chest, his mouth close to Sirius’ ear.

‘I…’ Remus panted hot breath across Sirius’s face. He tightened his grip, silent, unable to explain. Sirius moved a hand backwards onto Remus’ thigh.

‘Remus,’ he said, his hand resting there, ‘Remus, stop, please, you’re hurting me.’

Remus came to his senses and dropped his hands from Sirius. Sirius collapsed on the floor, overwhelmed at Remus’ show of strength. Remus turned on his heel and ran out of the common room, out of the tower and through Hogwarts castle, out into the snow.

 

The storm had stopped and left a weird silence that crept over Remus’ skin. He thought back to the other world of the common room, of how Sirius had begged him to stop. He felt still Sirius’s hand on his thigh and of the way that he had wanted to lower his head and bring his lips to Sirius’ neck. Remus saw Sirius’ nipple before he’d taken hold of his shirt. He saw it dark against his pale skin, and he remembered now with all of his body how he had wanted to take it between his teeth and lips. He felt Sirius’ hair in his hands and how he’d wanted to twist his fingers tighter into it and then how he wanted to touch it, to stroke and feel it. Remus struggled for breath out in the chill of the night as the realisation broke out on his skin as a cold sweat.

 

‘Remus, come in, you’ll freeze.’ Sirius’ voice was low and careful. ‘You’ve been out there for ages.’
Remus hadn’t felt the time passing. Hadn’t felt that his shirt that was wet with sweat had begun to freeze. Sirius’ hand touched his shoulder. It was warm and with it Remus felt the whole of his body shiver, suddenly becoming aware of the bitter cold of the night.

 

‘Come in Remus, come and talk to me.’ Sirius put an arm around Remus and took him up through the castle and back into the common room. Remus was shivering violently as his body tried to warm up.

 

‘What the hell were you doing out there? God, you really are an idiot.’ Sirius wrapped a blanket from the sofa around Remus and sat him down by the dying fire. He flung a log on and it flared up again.

‘You think I’m an idiot?’ Remus asked.

‘You are when you go outside on a night like this.’ Remus sat silently for a few moments.

‘Did I really hurt you?’ he said at length, bringing the blanket tight around himself.

‘Erm…a bit. Not really hurt…just…you’re a lot bloody stronger than I expected, Moony.’ Sirius coloured red and coughed to try and cover his embarrassment.

‘Sorry.’ Remus risked a glance at Sirius. He had put on a pullover and Remus thought, with the way his hair curled around his jaw, and his lashes rested on his blushing cheeks, that he had never seen Sirius more beautiful. Remus’ dropped his head onto his chest and closed his eyes tightly.

‘Remus, is there something bothering you? You’ve been quiet for weeks.’

Remus tried not to laugh. His emotions had been anything but quiet.

‘I’m always quiet, Sirius. That’s my function in the group; to be the quiet one.’

‘You know that’s not what I mean.’ Sirius sat closer to Remus.

‘Then what do you mean?’ Remus asked wearily.

Sirius placed his hand on Remus’ thigh where it had rested at the moment he relinquished the fight.

‘You’ve been different. I feel you all…tense. And back then, when we were fighting...’

Remus’ heart was beating more rapidly.

‘What did you feel, Sirius?’ Remus asked. His voice broke on the question. He was at the edge of his control once again.

‘I felt how it is you feel about me.’

Remus’ entire body tensed, ready to run yet again.

‘No, don’t go. I’ve been thinking for ages about how to talk to you. That’s why I didn’t get you straight away,’ said Sirius.

Remus looked at Sirius and saw that his face was earnest.

‘And…now I’m no better off. I might as well have saved you from the cold and brought you straight in, because I’ve still no idea what to say.’ Sirius’ hand moved higher up Remus’ thigh.

‘Don’t tease me, Black,’ said Remus with a warning in his voice.

‘I’m not teasing.’ Sirius’ hand moved higher still until it rested at the very top of Remus’ leg. ‘You didn’t hurt me, Remus. I wanted you to carry on.’

‘You told me to stop,’ Remus said, unable to draw his attention away from Sirius’ hand, Sirius’ body so close to his.

‘I know…I don’t know…you took me by surprise. I don’t want us to stop now.’

‘You don’t know the things that I want…to do to you, Sirius,’ Remus said, thinking of how he wanted to push Sirius onto the floor or a bed or across his desk and make him unravel. Sirius was turning a deeper shade of red.

‘I might have more of an idea than you think,’ he replied. His fingers tentatively began to move until they were between Remus’ legs. Remus let the sensation of being touched there overtake him for a moment. It kindled that same emotion that had caused him to be so angry these last few weeks, but this time it came unaccompanied by the churning stomach and fierce annoyance. This time he allowed the feeling to grow instead of squashing it down. He allowed his hand to meet Sirius’ and to press down on his slender fingers. He allowed the feeling to tip his head back onto the sofa and to elicit a moan from his throat.

 

Sirius turned and straddled Remus’ legs, his fingers still touching and rubbing. Remus’ stomach lurched and he looked up at Sirius seeing that flicker in his eyes once more.

‘I thought I was losing control. Losing to the wolf,’ he said.

‘No, Remus.’ Sirius lowered his head and kissed him.

 

It was early the next morning, just as the sun was rising, when Peter came downstairs to see the pair of them wrapped up with each other in the blanket, Remus’ lips on Sirius’ ear and his arm draped across his chest. It was another marker for him that things were changing, just like the time that Lily Evans stopped fuming every time she saw James and instead had left a Christmas card at his place on the breakfast table. Peter decided he would go home for the holidays.

Comments

[leafyaki.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. This is so beautiful, and so dark, too. The last line, when Peter knew things had changed and decided to go home...and this: ‘I’m always quiet, Sirius. That’s my function in the group; to be the quiet one.’ My heart hurt then ;_; Brilliantly done group dynamics! Mmm, and the fight between Remus and Sirius was really hot too.

Gah, this fic just makes me squee in so many different ways! At the hotness and the wow-ness of the dynamics. Lovely <3

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. As ever, upon reading back work you find bits you'd like to have another bash at, to improve it. It's nice to know you like it even though I can see the imperfections so clearly!

Thank you

sk
xx

[blackliquorice.livejournal.com]

It's 7 in the morning here, so I am finding it difficult to be eloquent, but it was bril to wake up this morning and find that my gift was posted!

I love the way that Remus runs out into the storm, etc. because when you are 16,17,18 that just seems like the thing to do in those situations.

I enjoyed James and Sirius wrestling all over the common room like a couple of muggles. (And Sirius tied up with bits of curtain cloth!)

A few other small details as well, but overall, the piece has a very distinctive mood that's been set to it and the storm is perfectly a part of it.

Thank you so much for writing this for me! I've been looking every morning, waiting for it, even though I've not had time to read everyone else's yet!

And Happy New Year!

-B

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Eloquence is not required!

I'm glad you like it. I'm not sure if it's what I intended it to be when I started writing it, but one's neck is attached to the leash of the muse at the moment.

Happy new year,

sk
xx

[fullmoon-dreams.livejournal.com]

Loved the tension in this one, as well as the way you brought Peter into the story. Great job.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I like a bit of Peter now and then :)

sk
x

[brighty18.livejournal.com]

Oh, my dear, this is fantastic. I love the fine line you created between sex and violence (and how, interestingly, that line functions one way for James and Sirius and another for Sirius and Remus.) That was very effective.

The beginning was gorgeous with the images of Remus sitting by the window and staring at the reflections. I really felt for him there. It was a comfort to him that the world knew how to show its torment, even if he did not.

The fight was incredibly hot (nice touch with the nipple) and you captured that violent sex ideal very, very well. It was marvelous how Sirius felt it, too.

But, oddly, the conversation with Peter and the last couple of lines were what really resonated with me. That's the way I see it, too. The beginning of the end, as it were, when Peter first realizes that R/S and J/L have rendered him a fifth wheel. And all the more tragic that he feels that he no longer fits in home! Poor love! Yes, even with what he comes to do, I have to agree with Remus here and worry about Pete.

Beautifully done!

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your lovely thoughts. I do appreciate it :)

It's funny though. I hadn't intended intensity on such a level when I started this, but then perhaps all the violence in Remus's mind is just how it would have been.

And Peter is...a pet project. Expect more in the future!

thank you
xxxx

sk
x

[mysecretashes.livejournal.com]

Very dark, but also very incredible. I loved the fight, and my heart ached for Peter despite what he comes to do. Great fic.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Poor pete, i know. There's so much more to him than the man he turns out to be.

sk
xxx

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm. Loved this. It's hot, and the edge of darkness/violence makes it more so. And I really like that you brought Peter back in at the end. Very powerfully done.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Wow. Thank you. I wasn't totally happy with this when I finished it, but I'm glad you liked it. :)

sk
xxxx

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

I also really liked Peter's discontented voice here-it pulled it together. The take that Remus misunderstood his feelings to be something to do with being a werefolf was unique and well done.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Being a teenager really is tough. Poor old Remus would naturally think he was the only one feeling such intensity.

thanks
xx
sk

[hogwartshoney.livejournal.com]

This was excellent! I like Remus' confusion and anger and James and Sirius wrestling in the common room. You captured the general mania of teenagers so well, and I liked Peter's take on things - yes, he knows that things are about to change, and it makes me a little shivery that it's just that sort of abandonment or lonliness that creates the opportunity for what happens later on.
Nicely done, and I LOVE Remus' acute awareness of Sirius' nipple.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. It takes such a little thing to create murderers or dictators. That is a frightening thought.

And yes...who could fail to be pulled in by the force that is sirius's nipple?!

thank you.
sk
xx

[laroseminuit.livejournal.com]

Remus's contemplation of the storm -- I agree wholeheartedly. Raging weather is perfect for expressing emotion without words.

That was the sexiest fight I've ever read. Hot damn.

You've made me feel so bad for Peter. It hurts so much to have friends move on and relationships change, and that closing paragraph summed it up so well.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I've always felt bad for Peter. Who hasn't had friends that it's impossible to live up to?

sk
xxx

[sleeper6.livejournal.com]

Intense but I'm glad the boys sorted it out and came to a conclusion. Nice work.

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Glad you liked it.
sk
xxxx

[remuslives23.livejournal.com]

As much as I loved the boy wrestling and that hot, hot kiss - it was Peter who really struck me here. The beginning of the end. Lovely fic!

[starla-kid.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) Peter gets left out far too often in my opinion. He's so important I think.

sk
xxxx

[remeciel.livejournal.com]

The Marauders' dynamic is just perfect here. I love the way you portrayed Peter (and I like it when his thoughts end the fic), and Remus acting this way was a very good idea!

Also?... Sirius touching Remus's thigh is just a very, very erotic moment. :D

[lotrwariorgodss.livejournal.com]

So fantastic - I love Remus losing control (guh, so sexy), but I love even more when Sirius takes care of him. Nice entry!