small_gifts | FIC: TELL YOU SOMETHING, FOR MYSID (Reply)

Title: Tell You Something

Author:

mindabbles
Written for: mysid
Rating: PG-13

Prompts: Jealousy of James, Sirius interacts with Remus’ parent(s), Sirius hates Muggle clothes.
Summary: Sirius has always suspected that Remus fancied James. Remus is certain that Sirius is in a strop because of James’ impending marriage. Sirius needs to tell Remus something.
Any other notes, warnings, etc.: Much credit is due to my fabulous beta,

sec38, who reviewed this several times. I fear there may be some excess sweetness, but I hope it does not rise to the level of syrupy sweet mushiness. I hope you enjoy!

‘Hogmanay’ is Scottish New Year. Your ‘first foot’ is the first person to cross your threshold in the New Year. If the person is tall, dark, and handsome, preferably carrying a lump of coal or other gift, you can be fairly certain of a good year.

The only useful thing about trousers was the way Remus’ arse looked in them, Sirius thought as he walked two paces behind Remus up the high street. It was half past tea time, if the contracting in his stomach was any indication, and his patience for marching about in the bitter cold and for the way his pants bunched under the bloody trousers had come to an end five minutes after they’d left the pub.

“Why are we on a forced march when we’re supposed to be letting your Mum ply us with food and hot tea while you tell her you’re moving into my flat?” Sirius asked, scuffing his boots in the snow.

“It didn’t seem like the right time to tell her. Besides, I need some clothes for tonight.” He flashed a sheepish look at Sirius and continued to scan the shops as he walked briskly past the post office, sweet shop, and bakery.

Sirius felt a flare of disappointment and was about to ask why the hell he needed new clothes for New Year’s Eve at James’ so badly that they had to trod up and down the sodding street in middle of winter, freezing their bits off, when Remus ducked into a shop.

Remus grabbed a pair of denims and slipped behind a curtain to try them on. All thoughts of complaining about being dragged along to help Remus buy more Muggle clothes, when Merlin knew he already had enough, left Sirius’ head when Remus stepped from behind that curtain and, twisting around in front of the mirror said, “These fit, eh?”

They better than fit, but Sirius made a non-committal noise and decided to wait outside in the cold while Remus paid for them.

They walked out of the center of town and back to Remus’ house in companionable silence. Their arms sometimes brushed lightly and Sirius imagined reaching for Remus’ hand. It almost seemed possible.

“Padfoot?” Remus asked. “Can I tell you something?” he sounded nervous and his eyes were sparkling.

“Course, Moony.”

Sirius’ breath caught in his throat when Remus said, “I was wondering, eh, if I could tell my Mum I’m staying at yours tonight. And, I have to tell you, I wasn’t entirely honest with you about wanting to move in.”

Sirius nodded encouragingly, not trusting his voice to come out at a reasonable pitch as he watched Remus look down, a light flush of pink staining his cheeks.

“I’m going to cut out a bit early from the party,” Remus said, carefully considering each word. “I’m, um, seeing someone and I don’t really want to tell anyone, especially Mum, just yet. Be a mate and cover for me?”

Sirius felt all of the oxygen leave the earth, but he nodded, choking out, “What’re mates for?”

“Thanks,” Remus said. He looked a touch perplexed and hurt, no doubt that Sirius hadn’t shown any more interest in the details of whomever he was planning to wear those stupid jeans for tonight. But, not being able to breathe, Sirius couldn’t actually ask for any further information.

They reached the garden path up to Remus’ front door. Dry leaves scuttled frantically along the ground in the wind and Sirius thought it looked as if there were nothing left alive. The bitter cold made his jeans feel brittle against his skin and he longed for the warmth of robes and a cloak as he thought irritably of the jeans, currently feigning innocence, in the bag in Remus’ hand.

When Remus opened the door, Sirius had the impression of brightness and life. The delicious smell of something baking wafted to him and Mrs. Lupin called a cheerful greeting. Sirius was always struck by the fact that she seemed genuinely pleased to see him.

“What’re you boys up to tonight?” she asked, stirring a rich-looking stew on the stove. It smelled like comfort and nurturing and was so far from anything that had ever been served at Grimmauld Place that Sirius wasn’t certain his mother would have recognized it as food.

“Mum, I have to tell you something. Er, James is having a few friends over for Hogmanay. So, I’ll just kip at Sirius’ after if that’s all right,” Remus said quickly, reaching to break a bit off the pie that was cooling on the counter.

“Sirius, I hope you’ll still come by and be my first foot,” Mrs. Lupin teased. “Hey, that’s for afters,” she scolded affectionately, slapping Remus’ fingers away from the pie. “Away with yourselves then, before you’re any more of a nuisance. I’ll call you for tea.”

Remus laughed and took the stairs to his attic room two at a time and Sirius half wondered why anyone would want to leave here.

Remus’ room was a tribute to their years at Hogwarts. Gryffindor colours, photos of the four of them, and even his prefect’s badge, adourned the walls and shelves. Sirius noted with some irritation that there were also several photos of the Quidditch team, with James front and center, tacked to the wall.

“Can I change into normal clothes now or do we have more shopping to do?” Sirius asked, readjusting the constricting jeans. “I can’t believe that daft bugger’s going to make me wear an idiotic Muggle suit for his bloody wedding. We’ll be uncomfortable all day and look like sodding penguins.”

“Hmm, if they ever actually find a place to hold the thing and set a date. Anyway, James will look quite dashing as a penguin,” Remus chuckled as he emerged from his closet with yet another shirt to try on with his new jeans. “And you might carry it off as well if you stop acting like you’ve got a niffler in your pants every time you wear trousers.”

“It’s not natural,” he grumbled. “Fuck knows Lily stands up to everyone else. I don’t know why she didn’t stand up to her parents about this.”

“Some of us care what our parents think,” Remus said softly with a slightly pained expression on his face.

Trying not to glower too obviously at all the photos of James on Remus’ wall, Sirius grabbed his robes and, with a huff, went off to the loo to change into reasonable clothing.

Sirius sat in the corner of the Potter’s front room staring at the crowd of old school friends and Order members. A full-fledged sulk crept over him. Remus had come to the party wearing a soft black jumper with his new jeans, had combed his hair differently, and did not smell at all like himself. Sirius had never hated Muggle clothes more in his life.

“Padfoot,” James said. He and Lily appeared before Sirius. James was smiling from ear-to-ear and Lily had the first dopey-looking expression on her face that Sirius had ever seen. “Where’re Moony and Wormtail?”

“Outside having a fag, I think,” Sirius said with a shrug, as if he weren’t certain of Remus’ whereabouts.

Outside, their feet crunched on hard snow and Peter and Remus looked conspiratorial. Sirius wondered with a pang if Remus had told Peter about the girl he was dating.

“We want to tell you all something,” James said, grinning so broadly that Sirius thought it must hurt.

“We‘ve found a place and set a date,” Lily chimed in.

Peter leaned over and looked at Lily’s hand. “I see you’ve still not bought her a ring. Lily, you sure you want to marry this tightfisted bastard?”

“Oi! I’m getting it for her birthday,” James objected.

“Ah, are you now?” Lily asked, beaming. “Ta, Wormtail.”

“You’re a right little wanker, you know that?” James groused at Peter.

“No problem, Lily,” Peter said. “I mean congratulations,” he added in response to James’ glare.

“That’s brilliant, really brilliant,” Sirius said, clapping James on the shoulder and hoping his genuine feelings for the two of them showed through his bad mood.

“Congratulations, you two,” Remus added, but he was giving Sirius a peculiar look.

“Moony’s got something to announce as well,” Peter said, laughing and elbowing Remus in the ribs.

“Shut up, tosser,” Remus said. He cuffed Peter on the side of the head, but Sirius noticed the beginnings of that sly smile at the edge of his mouth.

“What’s this then?” James asked, the bright, happy expression returning to his face.

“Nothing, nothing,” Remus said shaking his head and flushing.

“Moony’s going to be snogging someone at midnight,” Peter teased.

“Why didn’t you bring her ‘round?” James asked.

“As if. I’m not subjecting anyone unnecessarily to you lot,” Remus replied.

“I need the loo,” Sirius said and he quickly stalked away to the sound of Lily, Peter, and James trying to get more information about Remus’ date.

The room that had been Sirius’ whenever he stayed at the Potter’s felt comforting yet strange, like the ruins of a simpler life. He’d barely sat down when the door opened.

“I’m off, Sirius,” Remus said, looking either concerned or annoyed.

“Cheers. I don’t suppose I should expect you tonight, eh?” Sirius said tersely.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t think your running off in a strop was quite the reaction James expected to his announcement.” When Sirius said nothing, Remus continued quietly. “Come on, Padfoot. I know this must be hard for you.” The words were comforting, but his tone held an edge of bitterness. “But I think he’s wondering why his best mate is hiding from him.”

“I’m happy for Prongs. Honestly, right chuffed,” Sirius said. And he was. Really. There was a little bit of niggling envy that James had the person he’d been in love with since he was a boy, but that only got to him when he let himself truly look at Remus. He had no desire to ruin this night for James. “Hard for me? What on earth are you on about?”

“You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want,” Remus said, laying his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “I just want you to know that you can. Happy New Year, Sirius.”

Remus’ graceful fingers swirled his spoon, creating gentle eddies in the milky surface of his tea. He must have been stirring the tea for ten minutes. With the sun streaming in the café’s windows, Sirius had to squint to look directly at him.

“I think it’s well mixed, Moony,” Sirius said and he reached across to still Remus’ hand.

“I want to tell you something,” Remus said, and Sirius cringed. “You know I’ve been seeing someone, but I haven’t told you the whole story. This is hard for me so shut up until I’m finished. His name is Miloslav and he went to Durmstrang and I think it’s time for me to tell him that I’m a werewolf and if it’s okay with you, I would really like to move in to your flat soon because it’s getting harder and harder to make excuses to stay away from home. Please don’t tell the others yet. I’m not ready for that. Er, so you see, if you want to talk to me about James and why you’ve been in such a funk about the wedding, you can.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped open. He was reeling from trying to comprehend everything contained in Remus’ little speech.

Then it hit him. Whatever else Remus had said, he was planning to tell this bloke the secret. Their secret.

He felt his face burn and stood abruptly, muttering about having forgotten something. He pushed past two people at the door and when they called after him, he realized they were James and Peter. He heard Remus tell them, “I’ll go,” and cursed the Muggle café and Muggle street because he wanted to Disapparate before Remus could find him.

But Remus was always quicker than that.

“Sirius!” Remus called. “Wait.”

“I have to go.”

“You can’t keep this up,” Remus said, grabbing his arm.

Sirius jerked his arm free. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You have to get over James if you’re going to stay friends,” Remus said. His tone was kind but firm. “I know, believe me I know what it’s like,” he said with a sad little smile. “Maybe if you find someone else it would make it easier. It did for me.”

Sirius felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach twice. He’d suspected that Remus had fancied James in school and the thought had always made his chest hurt, but he’d managed to put it down to his own bizarre brand of wishful thinking. At least that would mean Remus liked boys.

“I…What?” he asked. “You think I fancy James? I’m not ev…”

“You can tell me,” Remus interrupted. “And I’ve suspected you were gay for years. Almost as long as I’ve known I am, and I’ve known for ages that you’re in love with James. I was hoping you’d talk to me about it after I told you.”

“You idiot,” Sirius burst out. “I don’t fancy James. Well, maybe a bit, but not --, never mind,” he said, waving his hand as if the thought were a cloud of midges. “It’s you, you great pillock, and now you’ve gone and found someone else without even telling me you liked blokes and you’re going to tell him our secret. Moony, don’t go off with him and move to Bulgaria.” Sirius stopped, breathless. He pressed his hand to his face to stop himself from saying anything else and making it worse. Less than a week and there went his New Year’s resolution to think before he spoke.

Remus looked like Sirius felt, white and drained and a bit ill.

“No...you can’t do this,” Remus said, pointing a shaking finger at Sirius. “You can’t fucking do this to me now.”

“I...what?”

“It’s too late,” Remus said.

“Too late?” Sirius asked, the cogs in his brain slowly beginning to turn with the speed of Remus’ speech. That meant at one point it hadn’t been too late. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Remus shot back. Then something in the angry set of his jaw softened and he said, “Look Sirius, I wanted you all through school. Fuck, I spent years being jealous of James and hating myself for it. Well, I finally gave up and moved on and I found someone and you can’t do this now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry we both misunderstood.”

“Okay. That’s it then,” Sirius said, feeling very small and he Disapparated before he could see the look in Remus’ eye.

Sirius was used to being able to talk to James about everything. James was the one person who knew that the reason Sirius never really dated was because he wasn’t attracted to women. It occasionally bothered him that James never seemed to wonder why that hadn’t translated into Sirius’ dating men.

He’d owled him to apologize for not coming back into the café. That would usually mean that James would be right over to see what was up. So, when the knock came at the door, he opened it, expecting James.

“I don’t know what to do,” Remus said as soon as Sirius opened the door.

Sirius turned and walked back into his flat and listened to Remus shuck his cloak and follow.

“It seems like you were fairly sure before,” Sirius said.

He leaned his head against the window and the cold seeped into him. When he heard soft footfalls behind him, he pressed his forehead harder onto the frosty glass.

Instead of more harsh words, instead of another rejection, he felt Remus step close and hands slide around his waist. And then Remus’ chest was pressed against his back and his chin came to rest on Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius felt his heart stop as Remus breathed, soft and warm, against his neck.

“You’re an utter bastard, you know that?” Remus whispered and those gorgeous hands moved, caressing his stomach.

Sirius felt a grin split his face and he leaned back against Remus’ warm body.

“A complete and total prat,” Remus murmured and punctuated the sentence with a firm press of lips behind Sirius’ ear.

He felt himself being spun around and Remus’ mouth pressed lightly to his. Remus pulled back and looked at Sirius as if he were giving him one last chance to back out. Sirius closed his eyes and let himself melt into the kiss he’d imagined for years.

“Does this mean you’re not moving to Bulgaria?” Sirius asked, when, foreheads pressed together, sharing breath, they broke the kiss.

“Idiot,” Remus said and Sirius could hear the smile in his voice.

Remus pressed against Sirius, hot mouth and firm hands everywhere. Sirius felt cool air hit his skin as Remus pulled up his robes and he thought once again how superior robes were to trousers.

“So what are you going to tell Michailovich?” Sirius asked, lips forming the words on Remus’ collarbone.

“Miloslav. And maybe you should go and tell him what you’ve done. He’s very burly and good with his wand.”

With a fierce burst of jealousy, Sirius set out to make certain Remus never said that name again.

Sirius stood and stared at the door, desperately regretting that he hadn’t been Mrs. Lupin’s first foot. Not that he believed in the Muggle superstition, but she did and the foreboding in the pit of his stomach left him certain that they could all use any good fortune they had coming.

“Open the door, Padfoot,” Remus said, his voice rich with laughter. “Or are you frightened?”

Remus was suddenly behind him, nuzzling into his hair, breath and lips soft on his neck, leaving him flustered and even less able to answer the knock that came again, sharper this time.

Sirius stepped away from Remus’ body so he could think and said, “I am a little frightened of your Mum, since you ask. She’ll know what I’m doing to her wee boy.”

“She thinks you’re bloody charming and she’ll have no idea. Now open the door.”

Against his better judgment, Sirius opened the door to the first visit with Remus’ mum in the month since he’d started sleeping with her son, since they’d cleared up that neither of them was in love with James, since Milo-whatever-the-fuck-his-name-was had conveniently buggered off, and since they’d moved in together. He was certain that she’d be able to read all that in his eyes the moment she looked at him.

“Hello, Mrs. Lupin,” he said as charmingly as he could manage whilst looking at the buckles on her shoes.

“Hi, Mum,” Remus said. Unbelievably, he shot Sirius a sly smile and said, “I’ve to finish the tea,” and left them alone.

“This is a lot of fuss for Sunday tea,” she said, narrowing her eyes at the tea service on the table. Sirius attempted to pour her a cup of tea, but his hands were shaking so badly that half the tea ended up in the saucer and she took over with a perplexed look.

She added one spoonful of sugar and very little milk. Just like Remus.

“How is it working, having a flat mate?” she asked tersely.

“Brilliant,” Sirius said. Realising that might have been a bit enthusiastic, he added, “Um, fine. It’s fine.”

“Sirius, I need to tell you something,” she said, putting down her tea cup with a small splash.

Sirius watched droplets of tea land on the table, just missing the tea towel.

“I want him to come home.” She stirred her tea counter-clockwise as she spoke. “I have nothing against you, Sirius, but his life is hard enough.”

He felt his stomach slither down his legs and drain onto the floor as he tried to muster a questioning look.

Mrs. Lupin fixed him with a pointed stare and said, “We’re neither of us idiots and you know what I’m talking about.” She raised a hand in the same gesture Remus used when he was either trying to calm someone down or talk them into something. “I don’t blame you for it yourself. Goodness knows you’ve wanted for a proper family. But Remus hasn’t and he’s no reason…” she stopped herself, pursing her lips together into a thin line. “What I mean to say is, if you care about Remus, and I believe you do in your own way, you will let him have as normal a life as he can.”

“Mrs. Lupin,” Sirius said, trying to control the tone of his voice, “I think Remus can make his own decisions about…”

“That’s a noble sentiment, but I know how he is with you lot,” she said, laying the teaspoon down with a clink.

Sirius wanted to tell her to get the hell out of his, their, flat. He wanted to yell that she obviously didn’t know her son. He wanted to tell her that he loved him. But she wasn’t his mother to kick out and some small part of him was muttering that maybe she did know her son, and he hadn’t even told Remus that yet.

“What’s so serious in here?” Remus asked as he poked his head in, his cheeks pink from the heat of the stove and his hair curling from the steam. Sirius’ stomach clenched at how happy he looked.

“Nothing,” Mrs. Lupin said, sounding completely calm. Sirius wondered if that’s where Remus had learned it. “We’re just catching up.”

“Good. Tea’s ready.”

Remus’ cheeks were pink and his hair was curling from heat, again. The skin of his shoulder tasted salty and sharp under Sirius’ tongue.

Remus smiled, sleepy and sated, his heart still beating hard enough for Sirius to feel it.

“So, you never told me what you and my Mum were in such deep conversation about,” Remus said as his hand caressed up and down Sirius’ back, causing Sirius to shiver and move closer.

The moon, nearly all the way around in the monthly journey that controlled so much of Remus’ life, shone across their tangled limbs and illuminated Sirius’ pale fingers trailing across Remus’ chest. Sirius always hated this time of the month, when Remus’ eyes and thoughts would dart to the sky and nothing could completely distract him from what was to come.

“Nothing, Moony,” Sirius said.

Remus opened his mouth to protest the obvious lie, so Sirius shifted half on top of Remus and chased the question from the room with his hands and his lips and the movements of his body. This, after all, he could make Remus forget.