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small_giftsTitle: I'll be there to catch you when you fall
Author/Artist:abyss_valkyrie
Recipient:scarheadedferret
Rating:PG 13
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): some profanity and smoking *
Word count:~8550
Summary:They were in different houses, in worlds so different from one another’s and yet their paths connected with a mishap, a shared love of books and flying.
Notes: A million thank you to my beta Xina, whose cheering spurred me on and for the superb beta work! Eddy, I think I may have accidentally incorporated all the things on your wishlist. I hope you enjoy a Ravenclaw!Sirius Black, your wildcard was what really drove me to try and do a full on strangers to friends to lovers approach to this fic. It’s been a while since I wrote a Hogwarts-era fic so this was really fun to write.. :) Have a great holiday and New Years, Eddy.
*First Year*
The strange relationship between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black began with a near-death experience and a failed rescue attempt.
Remus was getting jittery; why would his broom just not come up? Was something wrong with him? What if…the wolf inside him was hindering his ability to fly? He looked around at his classmates; he was one of the few whose broom had barely rolled on the ground.
“Come on,” James encouraged from beside Remus, foot tapping in anticipation. “You can do it, you have to, Remus. Even the Ravenclaws are getting there,” he pointed to the group opposite to them. James thought they were a bunch of swotty first-years who’d never held a broom and probably smelled like old books. So Remus clenched his hands and tried to dispel his worries; it wouldn’t do to lose to them in front of his friend, after all.
“Up!” Remus commanded and let out a sigh of relief when the broom came in contact with his hand.
“Look at Black, I knew he couldn’t wait to show off,” James said snidely with a frown but it was gone instantly as Madam Hooch instructed them to mount their brooms. Remus didn’t have time to spare Sirius Black a look as he found himself hovering a few inches above the ground ready to fly.
Remus couldn’t help letting out an elated yelp when he flew, first shakily, then smoother without being left behind. James gave him a thumbs-up and suggested flying over the other students. He did what any eleven-year old was bound to do; agreed with a grin, of course.
Which was obviously ridiculous, Remus realised when he shot off upwards too fast. He inhaled sharply when he turned his broom around to descend and his clammy fingers slipped off the handle. Remus gasped as he plummeted in the air, hands fumbling for purchase. His eyes widened, his stomach dropped and a black blur crashed into him. Remus’ eyes shut at the impact and he yelped as he felt the weight against him, waiting for his foreseeable end.
Remus landed hard and bounced but the crack of breaking bones never came and he opened his eyes to find everyone looking down at him. Or at least he tried to but something was wrong, he couldn’t breathe and his left eye–he couldn’t–couldn’t see–
Madam Hooch loomed over, probably to deliver a thorough scolding but she pulled away something–someone who had been blocking his view. Remus gulped in air, paying no heed to the garble around him.
“Mr. Black, do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”
Remus sat up slowly to see Sirius Black arguing with Madam Hooch while being inspected for injuries. “I’m fine, as you can see for yourself. Shouldn’t you be checking on him though?” Sirius pointed back and when he saw Remus standing up, pulled away from Madam Hooch.
“Hey, are you alright?” Black turned to Remus, surprising him. “Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?”
“Yeah–uh–no! I’m fine,” Remus answered quickly with a smile even as his back hurt all over.
Black frowned but then shrugged and clapped him on the shoulder. “That was really mad, y’know? Bloody cool, but still–”
“Oi!” James pushed his way in and glared at Sirius, “Nice one, real nice; you almost killed Remus here, trying to save him. Black.” He spat the last word out and Black’s amicable expression turned cold as he stepped back from them.
“Black!” Remus blurted and Sirius gave him a guarded look. “Thanks a lot,” Remus said, hoping the boy could detect his gratitude. He could feel James’s stare; James might hate Black but someone who tried to save a classmate–a stranger really–from twenty feet high in the air could never be bad.
It seemed to do the trick and Black smiled at Remus. “Call me Sirius. And you’re Remus, yeah?”
“What the hell, Black? Get your own friends.” James put an arm around Remus’ shoulder, challenging Sirius to say anything which only seemed to urge him further as he waved at Remus.
“See you around, Remus,” Sirius said loudly before turning to join the Ravenclaws as the lesson was over.
James wouldn’t stop talking and warning Remus about that Sirius Black afterwards. Remus nodded and frowned at the right places as James talked non-stop but now he might just have a new friend, he thought, and wasn’t that just wonderful?
*Second Year*
Remus stretched after turning in his paper; all that reading, scouring articles and information on the Medieval Assembly of European Wizards had paid off and he was feeling pretty good about it. He looked at James next to him tapping his heels against the floor, waiting for the bell to go off so he could escape the classroom. Remus could sympathise and when the bell rang, packed up his materials slowly lest he seemed eager to leave.
He waited a minute after James and Peter had whooped and exited with most of the students. Lily stopped at James’ table and rolled her eyes but waved at Remus when he caught her eyes before heading out with Marlene. What was that about? Remus decided he’d waited long enough and turned around to check if he’d left anything so he didn’t see Sirius coming up near him.
“Filch is gonna have a fit when he sees this.” Startled, Remus turned to see Sirius tracing a finger on James’ desk. There were hearts drawn in black ink with ‘L+J’ and ‘L.E & J.P forever’, the latter of which was somewhat smudged now.
“Sirius! Er–hullo,” Remus managed awkwardly and then added, “Good exam?”
“Oh, shit!” Sirius held up a blackened finger to show him and then blinked when their eyes met. “Yeah, but it was way too long.” He ran a hand through his hair and then swore as he remembered the ink staining his fingers.
“True,” Remus replied and cleared his throat when Sirius seemed to be focused on wiping his hand on the sleeve of his robe. “Tergeo, maybe?” Remus suggested and Sirius looked up.
“Yeah, that’s good,” Sirius said approvingly before casting the spell on his fingers. He pointed his wand at the table and paused. “Should we leave this for Filch?”
Remus shrugged. “Shouldn’t be difficult to get out. I’m sure even I could do this with soap in thirty seconds.”
“Soap, eh? I forget he’s a Squib.” Sirius smirked at the scribbles. “Maybe I should make it permanent?”
“Really? That’s–” Remus tightened a hand around the strap of his bag, trying to find a way not to antagonize Sirius; as James reminded him, he was one of those Blacks after all. “He’ll know it was James and find some way to blame us. Spending our last days in detention wouldn’t be fun at all.”
“You’re right; cleaning up bird crap isn’t my idea of fun either,” Sirius said and put his wand away. He gave Remus a sideways look. “You’re a nice guy, aren’t you, Remus?”
Remus was caught off guard by the comment. “Err–thanks, I suppose?” They seemed to have run out of things to talk about and looked away.
“Ah, well,” Sirius pushed back a lock of his hair–it had gotten slightly long now–and stepped towards the door. “We should get going before Binns hands us another paper.” That stirred Remus into motion and he strode out with Sirius.
“Uh, see you next year then,” Remus said as they reached the stairs, ready to part ways. That made Sirius laugh loudly for some reason.
“This year isn’t over yet.” But even as Sirius seemed amused while saying this, his smile dimmed after that and vanished when they went their separate ways. Remus didn’t have the courage to ask him what was wrong.
They weren’t friends. They rarely interacted alone without James around and while it had been one of the most awkward conversations in his life, Remus wished they could have spent just a little more time together.
*Third Year*
In the three years of school Sirius had made a lot of acquaintances suitable to his parents’ liking and one very persistent rival out of James Potter in–well–everything. Academics, Quidditch, jinxing and charming things that they weren’t supposed to...the list was long. Their paths crossed more often than possible for students who had only Transfiguration class together. Sometimes Sirius wondered if Potter didn’t actively search for him just to irritate him. Or maybe he searched out for Potter to do the same because it was…fun.
Oh, and an odd connection with Remus Lupin; Sirius wouldn’t call him a friend. Remus didn’t pass notes in class, was a typical good boy and disappeared sometimes only to return sickly. Merlin only knew what he got up to and Sirius was just so curious. They were still on first-name basis and well, he couldn’t help greeting Remus with a smile which was always returned. Okay, so he might have started that in First Year to rile Potter; his reactions were hilarious after all, but it had stuck.
Well, Sirius believed Remus and him had grown closer since an impromptu study session together last week, thanks to Professor Slughorn because Remus was simply terrible at Potions. In exchange, Remus lent his colour-coded pointers for Defence notes; they made the theory bit of the subject actually likeable.
He’d looked forward to their sessions all week and couldn’t wait to ask Remus how his exams had gone.
Sirius wandered towards the Great Lake; the sun was out and so were most people. He could make out students by the lake tickling the Giant Squid’s tentacles which would move lazily once in a while. Sirius quickened his steps to the lake; of course he couldn’t resist that.
Neither could Potter and his trusty sidekicks, it seemed. Though Sirius wouldn’t refer to Remus as a sidekick; somehow he was in the thick of things wherever trouble brewed but was hardly proven guilty. Sirius liked that.
“I don’t think he likes you much,” Remus was saying to Potter whose hands were submerged in the lake splashing gently as if coaxing the Giant Squid to reach out a tentacle to him too.
“That’s impossible, Moony,” Potter said loudly and ruffled his hair. “Time to get serious. Peter, the bait!”
Beside him Pettigrew held out a shrimp and Potter rolled his sleeves up as he accepted it. “Watch the best Chaser at work, Moony. No way can our friend here resist this.”
He aimed it at the Squid’s mouth from a distance. It flew and hit something that could be the Squid’s ear or cheek and they watched it fall into the lake.
“No!” Pettigrew and Potter cried out in unison. Really?
“You actually expected that to work?” Sirius let out before he could stop himself as he reached the trio.
“Ah!” Potter whipped around and held out his arms as if to shield the lake from Sirius’ view. “Black, if you’re here to hurt Squidy here–”
“James, please don’t give it strange nicknames,” Remus interrupted this heroic dialogue and wrinkled his nose, “And Peter, please put those away, it stinks.” Sirius smirked; clearly he wasn’t the only one who thought there was something very wrong with both Pettigrew and Potter’s head.
“But Moony, I want–” Sirius didn’t wait to hear any more of Potter’s nonsense and whistled softly at the edge of the lake. The Squid moved its body an infinitesimal amount and slowly reached out a tentacle towards Sirius. Potter watched the interaction with a sour expression.
“What’s so good about him?” He asked the Squid and then kicked the ground before sneering at Sirius. “Well, at least you have a friend now. Come on, guys!” With that he turned on his heel and motioned for his friends to follow. Pettigrew followed immediately but Remus was frowning, looking back and forth between James’ retreating back and Sirius’ shuttered face.
That really hurt. Sirius exhaled audibly and held the rush of emotions at bay, he was a Black, damn it. He could still see the words expressing disappointment in the letter sent earlier this morning from home; at his lack of connections with the right people and mischievous conduct unsuited to a Black.
“Sirius.”
He opened his eyes–when had he closed them?–to find Remus in front of him and he straightened his shoulders, his face turning stony as he pushed the hurt away.
“James–” Remus hesitated before answering, “–everything’s a competition with him when it comes to you. He can be a little immature at times–”
“Don’t make excuses for your friend,” Sirius snapped, interrupting him and made a dismissive gesture. “You should run along; don’t want to be left behind, do you, Lupin?” Remus looked stricken for a second before backing away.
“Fine,Black, if that’s the way you want it.” Remus, looking irked, tugged up a paperback that had been laying on the grass. “Enjoy the company,” He threw a glance at the Squid and left for the castle.
Sirius rubbed the back of his head, annoyed at Potter for getting to him but mostly at himself for turning away the one person who might just have made him feel better.
He sighed and accepted the tentacle curling against his finger for a tickle; Remus and him were never going to become friends, were they?
*Fourth Year*
Remus hummed lightly as he headed to the inner corners of the library full of dusty, grey and yellow books–a combination that gave James a headache apparently and so he had refused to accompany Remus–in search of anything that would help him with the math part of his homework on Cross-Species Switches.
He didn’t expect anybody to be at this part of the library on a Saturday. He wouldn’t be in here either but since his homework had piled up since the last transformation, here he was. So when he was met with a gasp and a flurry of movement upon reaching the last shelves he almost jumped back, wand already in hand.
“What the hell, Sirius?” Remus exclaimed. They hadn’t talked since Third Year exams had ended and Remus wasn’t going to be the first to try and be chivalrous to Black again. No way.
Sirius cursed and fumbled with the magazine he’d been reading, sitting down leaning against the heavy shelf. Only when Remus actually looked at Sirius’ haughty expression and then at a scantily clad witch winking on the cover did he realise that Sirius had been alone…reading–enjoying?–the pictures in the magazine. In the library?. His face felt as if it was on fire and he cleared his throat.
“Er–I came here for the Transfiguration homework.” Remus looked up and down the shelves in front of him, anywhere but at Sirius holding the animated magazine so openly. “You know what, I’ll try somewhere else.” With that, Remus was about to turn and leave Sirius to whatever got his rocks off.
“Wait!” Sirius called out loudly and Remus, unable to stop himself, turned back and got a glimpse of the witch now handling a broomstick the way it was definitely not supposed to be. Sirius shut the magazine. “Er–this isn’t what it looks like.”
“Like you’re a hormonal teenager hoping to get off without disturbance?” Remus asked quizzically and then gave him a polite smile. “It’s alright, I mean you could have taken advantage of your dorm on a weekend but if you’re into books or something–”
“I’m telling you it’s not like that!” Sirius whispered loudly and patted the space beside him for Remus to sit. “You can’t tell anyone about this,” Sirius said with a warning in his words. Remus wouldn’t even know how to tell anyone about this.
Remus settled warily beside Sirius, watching him pull out his wand and point it towards the cover of the magazine. It changed and Remus’ jaw almost dropped.
“You read Arthur Salamander’s mysteries?,” Remus asked, disbelieving as Sirius scowled at him.
“Not so loud,” Sirius whispered and then showed the book to Remus, it was the third book in the series, the newest one Remus had been saving up for. “I didn’t know you read this too.” Sirius’ face was alighted. Remus could feel the smile mirroring on his face at having found someone who shared his love for the obscure series about a retired Auror who was looking to spend his retirement in peace only to end up in the thick of murders and deceit every time.
“I do, in fact I was waiting to get this one,” Remus told Sirius as he looked down at the book and then up. “But why hide it like that?” Remus asked with a wave of his hand.
“Come on, Remus,” Sirius remarked lightly, “a Ravenclaw reading a proper book book in the library? It’s a bit cliche, isn’t it?”
“And that’s a bad thing, somehow?” Remus asked.
Sirius sighed heavily then. “It’s not, but it makes people cling and try to be my friend even if I don’t want it.”
Remus must have looked puzzled because Sirius crossed his legs and leaned back on the shelf. “So much of me is a cliche. Tall, smart, rich, handsome and an heir to boot–the perfect boy.” Sirius’ voice had taken on a sarcastic tone. “I mean I can’t help being good looking, or smart, can I?” Sirius stopped in a frustrated voice and grabbed the book to continue where he’d left off.
Remus, odd as it was, understood then; Sirius wanted to rebel against all the norms of Blacks. From befriending unworthy Muggle-borns and Half-bloods in spite of being from one of the most prestigious Pureblood families, causing trouble to one-up James’ pranks on the students, attending Muggle Studies class, interrupting Professor Slughorn’s lessons with jokes because he could get away with it and reading works by unknown authors hidden away where no one would find him.
Or maybe Sirius was just genuinely a nice guy. He wasn’t a show-off or an attention seeker as James liked to point out; people were naturally drawn to him.
But what bothered Remus were Sirius’ previous words. “Am I trying to be a friend when you don’t want it?” He asked noncommittally.
“No,” Sirius replied and then smiled at Remus slowly. “I care about you. Have since First Year.”
It was stupid for Remus to blush at those words, to be awestruck by the smile and yet Remus couldn’t stop the weird sensation in his chest that somehow traveled lower and churned in his stomach. Was he getting sick?
“That’s good, we can talk about books all we want now.” Remus paused and then held out a hand. “I mean, it’s good to finally be friends with you, Sirius Black.”
Sirius shifted slightly and shook his hand. “You’re a real bookworm, aren’t you? But we can be nerds together if that makes you happy. You can have it by the way; I’m just reading through again.” To Remus’ surprise Sirius handed him the book.
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, tracing the crisp cover of the book but when turned it around saw the creases on the bent spine–the mark of a well loved book. It made Remus smile. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Sirius replied and then tucked away his hair behind his ears. “I’m sorry about last year.” He looked like he wanted to say more but kept quiet and Remus let him be, all the while reminding himself to have Madam Pomfrey check him over even though he was fairly sure that the nausea he felt had nothing to do with any illness.
*Fifth Year*
“You’re going out flying with Black again?” James asked groggily when Remus pulled on his jumper and brushed his hair. Even barely awake at five thirty in the morning, James sounded annoyed. “If you’d just join the team, Moony, I would fly with you all you want.”
Remus smiled fondly. “Aye aye, captain. Go back to sleep, James.” He tied his shoelaces tightly. “You’ll need the energy, remember what day it is today.” From the excited screech that followed Remus when he closed the door, James had remembered that it was Lily’s birthday and plans for the surprise party was to be put in motion.
By the time Remus reached their rendezvous point Sirius was already flying low. He swooped down and whizzed by Remus with a laugh. There went all his hard work as his hair whipped out of its smoothed style.
Remus mounted his broom and kicked off into a smooth flight. James might act affronted by the friendship between Remus and Sirius but he was the one who’d started flying with Remus in the evenings because practicing alone was just boring and Remus’ praises were more genuine than Peter’s.
James had been elated to see Remus learning quickly but of course he’d had to grudgingly accept Remus’ refusal to join the team. How did one explain monthly absences to an ambitious team of players?
“Morning,” Remus greeted Sirius as he caught up with him. “James is planning a party for Lily’s birthday tonight. Friends of friends are welcome to attend,” He informed loudly.
“Ugh, why do I have to hear his name first thing in the morning?” Sirius remarked with a put upon scowl that changed when they reached the Great Lake and flew over the icy surface. “If you’re inviting though, then the answer's yes. By the way, are you better now?”
“Yeah, loads better,” Remus answered quickly; he didn't need Sirius of all people dwelling on the time he’d been absent for his last transformation. “You want to come even though you don’t like James?” Remus teased and Sirius barked out a laugh.
“Especially because I don’t like him. I can bet you that Potter’s face will end up smashed into a cake and it will all be Lily’s doing.” Sirius sounded gleeful at the thought and Remus shook his head. Right, James also believed that Sirius was trying to steal his future wife for himself.
“Knowing James, he might take that as a sign of Lily’s undying love for him,” Remus said, bemused.
The party ended almost how Sirius had predicted, only it was Marlene who’d pushed the remaining cake onto James’ face when he’d openly ogled Lily and suggested going upstairs for a private celebration.
“He deserved that one,” Remus commented lightly. Beside him Sirius hummed as he swirled his glass of punch. They were on one of the couches, somehow squeezed into it and Remus felt too lazy to move, drunk on the colourful lighting, the chatter, the fruity taste in his mouth and Sirius’ proximity. From this close Remus could see the Adam’s Apple bobbing when Sirius took a sip, his long long eyelashes and his hair falling over the side of his face.
Before he could stop himself, Remus reached out and pushed away the hair from Sirius’ face tucking it behind his ear. Sirius turned stiff and gave him a sideways look.
“What are you doing?”
Oh...hell! What was he doing? “Looked uncomfortable,” Remus replied in a scratchy voice and tugged at his own collar. “Is it hot in here or what?” He asked, feeling dazed, out of place as the warmth of Sirius’ shoulder pressed against him seeped through their shirts.
“It’s January, I don’t think that’s possible,” Sirius answered reasonably and then lightly touched the side of Remus’ face with a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Remus inhaled sharply and pushed away Sirius’ hand only to have it grab at Remus’ wrist. Sirius had turned to face him properly now, eyes boring into Remus’. His mouth went dry as his eyes travelled down to Sirius’ lips, red from the drink. He could imagine the sweet taste on them right now. Remus’ tongue darted out and his free hand found itself lined against Sirius’ jaw, thumb grazing against Sirius’ bottom lip. Remus began leaning in; to claim those lips for himself–
“What happened here?” Sirius broke in as he held up Remus’ bandaged wrist that had been hidden under long sleeves from prying eyes. The drunken haze passed instantly as Remus pulled his hand away from Sirius’ face, feeling as if he’d been doused in cold water, the seductive moment from seconds ago feeling like a memory of a lifetime ago.
“My Dad and I went skiing during the holidays,” Remus tried moving away but Sirius’ grip was unrelenting. “Turns out I’m not as good as I thought.” He prayed for Sirius to buy it.
Sirius traced the edges of the bandage. “What are your parents doing to you, Remus?” That shocked Remus into pulling out of Sirius’ grip and he massaged it with a glare.
“No. My parents have done nothing wrong, nothing at all.” He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before opening his eyes and looking straight at Sirius. “I did this to myself, Sirius.”
He turned away and trudged upstairs to his dorm. When James came in later, he asked what kind of alcohol had James mixed in the punch because it had left no aftertaste.
James blinked at Remus quizzically. “What are you talking about, Moony? There was no alcohol in anything. You okay?”
Remus answered him vaguely and curled up on his bed, tired. Tomorrow, he would wake up tomorrow and hope that Sirius would forget about tonight.
*
Liking someone always came with sensations that pretty much ranged from nice to distressing. There was the heart clenching, sometimes skipping a beat, breathlessness, the looking—Merlin, the noticing—and then just wanting them close. It all came with so much anxiety and questions that it was basically one giant mess in one’s head.
At fifteen, looking at other boys with thoughts of how their hands would feel on him or the taste of their lips was both exciting and daunting; Sirius looked away though, he always did. Finding one’s friends to be attractive was okay, but to be caught looking for too long was just not.
Sirius hadn’t been able to take his eyes off his friend from across the classrooms on the first day of classes in Fifth Year. Something had changed about Remus or maybe Sirius was just noticing it; something about the hair, the angles of his face, a slight gracefulness in the way he did pretty much everything and Sirius was fascinated, dangerously so. So he looked away whenever his eyes caught Remus’.
Remus was keeping things from him, important things. One of them was hurting him to keep; if only he would just talk to Sirius, he could help. The other, Sirius wasn’t so sure about that. He didn’t know what to do if Remus hadn’t meant anything by the confusing signals he’d given on the night of Lily’s birthday, didn’t think he could handle pretending to be a good friend when he wanted so much more.
Sirius worried about a lot of things this year; his brother for the company he kept, Snape asking questions about Lupin, the articles about Voldemort his father had sent and Remus. He spent a lot of time with his Ravenclaw housemates and occasionally the Slytherins to appease his parents and Merlin, didn’t he just hate that Snape. No wonder Potter couldn’t resist hexing the git at any available opportunity.
This was partly why he found himself with Potter, Pettigrew and Remus—much to Potter’s chagrin—as a whole but never alone with Remus. In hindsight it wasn’t the best idea to avoid being close to Remus and somehow, something was wedging itself between them. They still flew together in the mornings every week but just slightly, they had drifted. Enough for Remus to know not to seek him out alone for a fag behind the greenhouses—or wherever the next secret spot was—as they had done before.
*
“Didn’t think I’d see the day Sirius Black would be studying in the library,” Potter’s jovial voice pulled Sirius out of the monstrous world of cruel treatment of werewolves. He blinked over the tomes he had surrounded himself with and was both thankful that Potter with his unruly hair had interrupted him and irked at having been disturbed.
“Keep it down, I don’t want Pince hovering here,” Sirius hissed at Potter who looked disgruntled but complied. When he leaned in to see what Sirius was reading, his face lost all amusement.
“What’s that for? I don’t remember having any homework for Defence.” His voice was purposefully light but there was an edge to it that caught Sirius’ attention and he knew, just knew that he was going in the right direction with his research.
“You remember correctly for once, Potter. Five points to Gryffindor,” Sirius answered and crossed his legs as he turned to face the bespectacled boy fully. “It’s not for school, more for—say, a mutual friend.”
“You prick!” Potter actually sounded angry, it was the first time Sirius had seen it up close and directed at him. “If you really want to be a good friend, then you better stop whatever you’re doing right now.” Potter and his mindless threats, Sirius could handle him just fine.
“A friend like you, Potter?” Sirius taunted him, upset that Potter hadn’t done anything to help Remus in spite of being his best friend for five long years and angry for Remus. “Who’s only used Remus’ status as a prefect to pull your stupid pranks and never done a thing to help him with his transfor-“
“Shut up!” Potter cried out as he wrung a hand in Sirius’ collar. “You don’t know anything and don’t think for a second I don’t know that a Black would be the first person to fuck Remus over.”
“Get your bloody hand out of my collar,” Sirius warned him and when Potter continued seething, he pointed his wand at his legs. Immediately ropes shot out to curl and tighten around Potter’s legs upending him and pulling both of them down against the floor. With a growl Sirius found himself in a scuffle with the Gryffindor and it might have escalated had Madam Pince not screeched her way in and shoved them outside with a booming declaration of banishment from the library. Forever.
Panting, they glared at one another and suddenly the fight drained out of Sirius as he slumped and leaned back against the stone-cold wall. Potter followed suit and slid down to sit on the ground.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Potter spoke up first and for once sounded desperate. Sirius would have milked it for its worth, Potter was begging him after all but this was about Remus.
“How long have you known about him being a—” Sirius couldn’t get the words out. “Being ill?” Potter looked at him.
“If you can’t even say it, don’t bother pretending to be Remus’ friend anymore.”
“Cut it out, Potter.” Sirius sat down with a huff. “You want me to announce it to all of Hogwarts?” A group of students exited the library right then, hurrying when they saw the two disheveled fifteen year olds, whispering and giving them curious looks.
“Ah, yeah. Okay,” Potter conceded grudgingly.
“Unlike you, I actually do stop to think, Potter,” Sirius said tiredly and bumped his head against the wall. “What do I say to Remus?”
“Don’t know, but you gotta think fast,” Potter told him, sounding wary and Sirius looked up to see Remus walking towards them with Pettigrew in tow. Uh oh. News travelled fast it seemed.
“Don’t you dare hurt him, Sirius,” Potter threatened and stood up. “You can call me James by the way,” he said, offering a hand to an astonished Sirius. He took the hand, ready to face Remus and bridge the distance once and for all.
*Sixth Year*
Remus frowned at the smell of cigarettes when he passed by the Boys’ bathroom on the second floor to find Sirius nonchalantly puffing out shapeless smoke.
“Are those mine?” Remus asked, visibly ticked off at Sirius as he sat and smoked openly, the pack lying next to him. If Filch came for rounds here Remus might as well lose his badge.
“Who would have thought, eh?” Sirius remarked lazily as he exhaled and hummed. The idea of Sirius snooping through his personal belongings irritated Remus more than he had expected and he snatched away the cigarette.
“You should have asked,” Remus snapped and regretted it instantly when Sirius’ face closed off.
“Fine. I’ll just get my own, Amos owes me favours anyway,” Sirius replied as he stood up fluidly and pushed his hair back. Remus’ eyes followed his movements. He stopped to think for a second and concern made him reach out to stop Sirius who looked surprised at the gesture. Remus cleared his throat and shook off the ash from the cigarette.
“Listen, I know a good place for doing this—” he stashed the cigarette pack in his pocket, “—don’t want to get caught by Filch, do you?” It was the right thing to do and Remus felt only slightly guilty for contributing to Sirius’ lung damage but this...well…this would be an occasional thing.
“I knew you’d see reason.” Sirius laughed and exhaled misty smoke and Remus shook his head; well, there went his secret alcove on the third floor but at least it was for a good cause…sort of.
Silence descended in the little shared space and Remus shivered in the cold as he thought of how best to ask Sirius what happened to him during Christmas, it wasn’t a big deal; friends were supposed to ask one another things like that. Then why was it so daunting? It was just words.
“Sirius, do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked finally. Sirius looked at him questioningly and he clarified, “About whatever happened during Christmas hols.” Sirius didn’t answer right away but his shoulders hunched up ever so slightly.
“What makes you think something happened?” Sirius sucked his cheeks in, looking away and Remus couldn’t help but stare at the way Sirius made melancholy look so beautiful. Until Sirius turned to him and Remus took a drag of his cigarette to look busy.
“You’re quiet,” Remus answered and put out his cigarette. “You haven’t hexed Snape even once after coming back—which is a good thing, mind you—but you just…look upset.” That strangely made Sirius smirk.
“Been looking at me a lot, have you?” He asked and then frowned at his finished cigarette. “I don’t do the violins and maudlin music thing well, so, let’s not talk about it.”
“Right,” Remus replied, somewhat put-out but then remembered that this wasn’t about him; it was about Sirius. He pulled out a new stick. “Know how to make smoke rings?” Sirius looked at him, interested.
“No, but I bet you could teach me a thing or two, Mr. Prefect.” The cold disguised the shiver that went through Remus from the drawling voice as he lit up the cigarette.
“Anytime you want, Sirius.”
Remus didn't know whether it was the quiet or the tobacco that made Sirius open up afterwards; about his uncle Alphard's death, about Regulus' obsession with Voldemort's regime and the constant quarrels with his parents. Remus shifted just slightly so their shoulders and knees were touching.
I'm here for you.
At some point, he curled his fingers around Sirius' and received a squeeze.
Thank you for being here.
*
First one to arrive selected the route and Remus was first for once. He couldn’t wait to see Sirius’ reaction. See, he could wake up while the sun was still down even if an alarm clock had been broken to bits in the process.
Remus flew without a worry, trying out some moves he’d seen during the last Quidditch match–Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. That had been one intense game, with barely a margin of difference in scores until Sirius almost crashed against a goal post, avoiding it by inches and emerging with the Snitch in hand.
If Remus had jumped and cheered for Sirius from the Gryffindor stand when everyone around him wailed in disappointment; it was the right thing to do as Sirius’ friend. James had pelted him with gobstones before going to sleep while muttering about traitors and infatuated idiots. He even went so far as conjuring up a flock of pesky birds to follow Remus around on the following Hogsmeade weekend. Remus could have easily taken care of them but he accepted it, knowing he kind of deserved it.
Sirius was late, Remus thought and flew over the frozen lake, feeling lonely now that the sky was lightening. Well, Sirius’ loss if he missed out on watching the sunrise with him. His broom vibrated and he headed to a lower altitude, making a quick decision to get another one; most of the school brooms were faulty as hell.
The warming charm he’d cast earlier was wearing off and the wind was starting to bite his face. Getting to his wand meant removing a hand from the broom handle and Remus didn’t trust the stupid broom to not throw him off right then. He was so focused on getting to the broom shed that he didn’t see Sirius flying towards him.
Colliding with Sirius Black first thing in the morning might be considered lucky by many people but Remus wanted to live, thank you very much and instinctively swerved left. The broom veered a bit too left and jerked violently.
He swore he felt a sense of déjà vu when he slipped off the broom. He heard Sirius shout over the rushing in his ears and floundered in the air as he dropped quickly. He was too high to make it without an injury this time. But he wasn’t eleven anymore and even terrified, channeled everything he had into casting a wandless summoning charm.
“Accio!” He cried out and there it was–the handle–in the midst of those heart-stopping seconds and he grabbed on for dear life. Stilling mid-air, he closed his eyes as he hung from the handle of his broom and inhaled in sharp bursts.
“Remus!” Sirius shouted
Remus raised his head; he had forgotten about him. Sirius dove towards him and pulled Remus down to his broom. Remus hugged Sirius’ back, trembling from the cold and coming down from the adrenaline rush. Sirius didn’t say anything as he smoothly descended, not mentioning Remus’ deathlike grip around him.
The moment they touched ground Remus pushed off the broom and dropped into the snow, bent over as he wanted to cry just a little; mostly in relief that Sirius had arrived when he did. Suddenly Remus was enveloped in warmth and he looked at his shoulder to find Sirius’ cloak draped over him.
“Sirius, thank goodness–” Remus stopped as Sirius dropped to his knees in front of him and pulled him into a crushing hug, breathing shakily against the side of his neck. Remus’ eyes widened and he patted Sirius’ hair. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did you get hurt somewhere?” Sirius pulled away, holding Remus at arm’s length. He looked terrified, his eyes shining suspiciously.
“Merlin! Remus, do you do shit like this on purpose?” He asked, sounding snappish. Remus looked at him in astonishment.
“Why on earth would I do that?” Remus pushed away one of Sirius’ hand. Leave it to Sirius Black to make someone feel worse after an incident. The wetness from the snow seeping into his trousers made Remus even more cross and he wanted to leave; he was so done for the day. “Let me go!”
“You could have been hurt,” Sirius said in a low voice, his voice close to breaking. That cut through Remus’ anger and he stared at Sirius, surprised. “You scared me, Remus. I was fucking terrified,” Sirius confessed heatedly.
“Please don’t ever do that again.” It was the tone and the desperate look in Sirius’ eyes that made Remus reach out and cup Sirius’ face in his hands.
Remus didn’t think to stop himself–wouldn’t stop even if he could– as he leaned forward, tilted his head and pressed his lips to Sirius’. As far as first kisses went, this one was definitely not Remus’ best; their lips were cold, Sirius’ hair was in their faces and they were far too apart to do this comfortably. Even so, Remus wouldn’t change a thing, he thought as he pulled back with a grin.
Sirius stared at him wide-eyed for a moment too long, leaving Remus wondering if he’d made a mistake. Then Sirius fell back against the snow, as if he’d lost all his energy. Remus shifted and loomed over Sirius in apprehension; had he fainted from the shock of his werewolf male friend kissing him?
“All this time,” Sirius whispered and gave Remus a stunned look. “I’ve been so worried all this time! Fancying you and trying not to make a move–” He stopped and closed his eyes, a smile growing on his face which then transformed into a laugh. A loud and uncontrollable one.
He looked mad but also happy. Without warning, he pulled Remus down for a kiss. Remus flailed at first and then returned it heartily.This time it was a proper smooch and though Remus could feel Sirius’ smile, it was nothing less than soft warmth and an inexplicable sweetness.
When they parted, Sirius hugged Remus tightly and laughed quietly. The wind snatched up the sound of Sirius’ chuckles but Remus felt the vibrations in Sirius’ chest and savoured the moment; he was exactly where he had wanted to be.
*Seventh Year*
The incessant tapping on the window woke Remus up on Christmas morning. He groaned, cursing himself for last night, for being unable to withstand the temptation of alcohol and one last Christmas Eve at Hogwarts with his loved ones.
“Bloody hell, someone open the damn window,” Peter muffled out, no doubt clutching his pillow over his head. James was dead to the world—lucky bastard—so the task fell upon Remus to open the window and let the owl in, with Christmas presents, no doubt.
Remus opened the window and blinked at the sight of a very big, bundled-up owl.
“Morning, Love.” Oh, the owl turned out to be Sirius. Some part of Remus’ fuzzy brain registered Sirius’ greeting and he would have smiled if he’d been able to move a muscle without hurting.
“Come in,” Remus whispered and shut the window as soon as Sirius flew in. Remus rubbed his eyes and frowned at Sirius. How could anyone’s hair look so artfully tumbled after a broom ride in the windy skies? “You look good,” Remus told Sirius honestly and yawned. “Sleep?” He pointed at his heavenly bed.
Sirius rolled his eyes but tugged Remus by the fingers when he was about to crash onto his bed again. “No, it’s Christmas morning, Moony. Let’s go out.” Sirius pulled him and Remus melted against him.
“No, I’m dying,” Remus informed him because he was, his head was killing him and no amount of Sirius-hugs could make it go away, though that was a good way to go.
“And I have just the thing for it,” Sirius whispered and gently shook a flask in front of Remus.
A hangover cure? Sirius Black was the most thoughtful boyfriend ever. Remus decided right then and there: he was in love. Within minutes of drinking the potion he was feeling chipper and almost skipped to his trunk for a change of clothes.
“Excuse me, what about the rest of us?” James asked as he was woken up the sounds, looking owlish.
“He doesn’t love us the way he does Remus,” Peter answered instead from behind his curtains. That got a smile from Remus and of course Sirius went to pull away James’ bed curtains with a loud ‘Merry Christmas’. Remus winced and headed to brush his teeth, leaving Sirius to torture James and Peter.
When Remus got out of the bathroom he found Sirius singing some off-key mishmash of Muggle and Wizarding carols. He stopped when he saw Remus and sent him a flirty smile.
“Ready?” Sirius asked and Remus ran his brush through his hair, unfortunately no amount of finger combing could make his hair look like Sirius’. He grabbed up a soft, wrapped package and headed for his bed.
“Moony, no. You can’t tempt me like that,” Sirius said exasperatedly when Remus climbed on his bed and waved him over.
“Just get in here if you want your present.” That had Sirius inside within two seconds and Remus shut the bed curtains as he sat and only then saw the long package Sirius had in his hand along with his Nimbus 1990.
“Merry Christmas, Moony,” Sirius greeted first and held out the package. Remus took it apprehensively, both wishing and not for it to be what he thought the present might be. He had peeled off part of the brown wrapping when he saw the twigs.
“Sirius, no.” Remus tried handing the present back to Sirius who crossed his arms defiantly.
“You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’, Moony. I’m hurt.”
“Thank you,” Remus answered automatically. “But I can’t accept something like this,” He said even as he was just dying to unwrap the present fully.
“Actually, you can,” Sirius countered and then grinned excitedly. “Come on, open it up, Moony.” This was to make Sirius happy, Remus told himself as he tore up the paper to find a shiny new Nimbus 1990 in his hand.
“It’s the same as mine,” Sirius pointed out with a soft smile. “It’s a matching set.”
“Damn you, Sirius,” Remus whispered. The soppy idiot; he looked so happy because they had a pair of matching broomsticks. Remus couldn’t not push him down and spoil him with kisses.
“Where’s my present?” Sirius asked eagerly after that and Remus handed the bright, wrapped present to him.
“It can’t compare to yours, but it will keep you warm,” Remus told him, self consciously. He watched Sirius as he gently unwrapped the shiny paper, no doubt to fold it and add it to his collection of mementos. Sirius opened up the jumper that Mrs. Lupin had knitted for him.
“It’s red,” Sirius announced happily as he pulled it on. As if Remus would give him clothing in any colour other than his favourite. “It’s soft and it has a ‘S’. It’s even got small wings.” He traced the letter. “Your mum’s amazing, maybe I can send something to her for New Year’s,” Sirius added thoughtfully.
Remus touched the small letter on the sweater and felt obliged to say, “You don’t have to.” He brought Sirius’ attention to the letter. “I did this part by the way.” It was a small letter done in blue and the wings in bronze thread, thanks to the materials and an instruction booklet sent by his mum. It had taken Remus weeks to do what his mum could have done in a day but he was trying to be romantic here.
The soft curve of Sirius’ mouth and the way his eyes shone made Remus feel like Santa himself.
“I love it, Remus,” Sirius whispered as he traced the letter reverently. “Thank you.”
That was all the assurance Remus needed and he wrapped his arms around Sirius, content to stay that way but Sirius hadn’t forgotten their earlier plans.
“We’re getting out of this bed now,Moony.”
Remus hid a smile as they climbed out. James was cocooned in his blanket and peeked out to glare at them.
“Get the fuck out and don’t come back until tomorrow,” James hissed at the couple.
“Is that permission to stay out all night, Dad?” Sirius teased and dodged the action figure of Lev Levski that James threw with precision. Remus rolled his eyes and bid his friends goodbye before walking downstairs and out of the common room.
When the Fat Lady told them not to get up to mischief, Remus grinned, eyes alight and without warning pulled Sirius forward by the hand as he broke into a run. Sirius was surprised only momentarily and then with a laugh they were off, down the stairs, past the older students who had stayed back to celebrate their last Christmas at Hogwarts, all the way to the gate and outside.
There they mounted their brooms, ready to fly over the frozen lake and frost-tipped trees.
*
Remus held out a lit cigarette to Sirius which he accepted silently. They had walked over to Hagrid’s hut and settled down behind it. In a few hours they would be leaving Hogwarts to become a part of the big world out there. Their time at Hogwarts would be something of the past, memories dear to Remus.
James had started crying in the middle of a Gobstones match with Peter last night. That in turn had made the rest of them pile up on Peter’s bed and follow suit until James had kicked Sirius for being so bloody heavy that he couldn’t breathe. Then Peter had proposed weekly hangouts at his house; they could barbeque and light fireworks and do all the things friends did in the holidays.
James had welcomed them to plan the house-warming party for his and Lily’s flat. Sirius and Remus agreed that they needed help with setting up their new flat. Anything to stay together just another day longer.
But what was life going to be like for Remus now? Living with Sirius was the one thing Remus was looking forward to, but what about everything else? What could a werewolf possibly do with all his academic qualifications, his hard-earned ‘O’s in every subject–
“You’re thinking too much,” Sirius said softly, breaking Remus out of his train of depressing thoughts. “Everything’s gonna be fine, Moony. Trust me, we can do anything together.”
When Sirius put it that way, Remus found himself believing him even if for a while. He looked down when Sirius’ fingers found his.
“Look,” Sirius whispered.
Dawn was breaking over finally, the sun coming up and lighting the skies. Beside Remus, Sirius titled his face up as if to soak in the first rays of the sun.
Remus had come to Hogwarts alone but he would be leaving with people who meant the world to him. He finally smiled as he vanished the cigarette and turned towards the castle.
This was only the beginning of something else, not just an end. There were traps to set, things to enchant and pranks to pull; souvenirs to leave behind for the teachers, Filch and Mrs. Norris. A new day was here; the possibilities were endless..
Author/Artist:
abyss_valkyrieRecipient:
scarheadedferretRating:PG 13
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): some profanity and smoking *
Word count:~8550
Summary:They were in different houses, in worlds so different from one another’s and yet their paths connected with a mishap, a shared love of books and flying.
Notes: A million thank you to my beta Xina, whose cheering spurred me on and for the superb beta work! Eddy, I think I may have accidentally incorporated all the things on your wishlist. I hope you enjoy a Ravenclaw!Sirius Black, your wildcard was what really drove me to try and do a full on strangers to friends to lovers approach to this fic. It’s been a while since I wrote a Hogwarts-era fic so this was really fun to write.. :) Have a great holiday and New Years, Eddy.
*First Year*
The strange relationship between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black began with a near-death experience and a failed rescue attempt.
Remus was getting jittery; why would his broom just not come up? Was something wrong with him? What if…the wolf inside him was hindering his ability to fly? He looked around at his classmates; he was one of the few whose broom had barely rolled on the ground.
“Come on,” James encouraged from beside Remus, foot tapping in anticipation. “You can do it, you have to, Remus. Even the Ravenclaws are getting there,” he pointed to the group opposite to them. James thought they were a bunch of swotty first-years who’d never held a broom and probably smelled like old books. So Remus clenched his hands and tried to dispel his worries; it wouldn’t do to lose to them in front of his friend, after all.
“Up!” Remus commanded and let out a sigh of relief when the broom came in contact with his hand.
“Look at Black, I knew he couldn’t wait to show off,” James said snidely with a frown but it was gone instantly as Madam Hooch instructed them to mount their brooms. Remus didn’t have time to spare Sirius Black a look as he found himself hovering a few inches above the ground ready to fly.
Remus couldn’t help letting out an elated yelp when he flew, first shakily, then smoother without being left behind. James gave him a thumbs-up and suggested flying over the other students. He did what any eleven-year old was bound to do; agreed with a grin, of course.
Which was obviously ridiculous, Remus realised when he shot off upwards too fast. He inhaled sharply when he turned his broom around to descend and his clammy fingers slipped off the handle. Remus gasped as he plummeted in the air, hands fumbling for purchase. His eyes widened, his stomach dropped and a black blur crashed into him. Remus’ eyes shut at the impact and he yelped as he felt the weight against him, waiting for his foreseeable end.
Remus landed hard and bounced but the crack of breaking bones never came and he opened his eyes to find everyone looking down at him. Or at least he tried to but something was wrong, he couldn’t breathe and his left eye–he couldn’t–couldn’t see–
Madam Hooch loomed over, probably to deliver a thorough scolding but she pulled away something–someone who had been blocking his view. Remus gulped in air, paying no heed to the garble around him.
“Mr. Black, do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”
Remus sat up slowly to see Sirius Black arguing with Madam Hooch while being inspected for injuries. “I’m fine, as you can see for yourself. Shouldn’t you be checking on him though?” Sirius pointed back and when he saw Remus standing up, pulled away from Madam Hooch.
“Hey, are you alright?” Black turned to Remus, surprising him. “Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?”
“Yeah–uh–no! I’m fine,” Remus answered quickly with a smile even as his back hurt all over.
Black frowned but then shrugged and clapped him on the shoulder. “That was really mad, y’know? Bloody cool, but still–”
“Oi!” James pushed his way in and glared at Sirius, “Nice one, real nice; you almost killed Remus here, trying to save him. Black.” He spat the last word out and Black’s amicable expression turned cold as he stepped back from them.
“Black!” Remus blurted and Sirius gave him a guarded look. “Thanks a lot,” Remus said, hoping the boy could detect his gratitude. He could feel James’s stare; James might hate Black but someone who tried to save a classmate–a stranger really–from twenty feet high in the air could never be bad.
It seemed to do the trick and Black smiled at Remus. “Call me Sirius. And you’re Remus, yeah?”
“What the hell, Black? Get your own friends.” James put an arm around Remus’ shoulder, challenging Sirius to say anything which only seemed to urge him further as he waved at Remus.
“See you around, Remus,” Sirius said loudly before turning to join the Ravenclaws as the lesson was over.
James wouldn’t stop talking and warning Remus about that Sirius Black afterwards. Remus nodded and frowned at the right places as James talked non-stop but now he might just have a new friend, he thought, and wasn’t that just wonderful?
Remus stretched after turning in his paper; all that reading, scouring articles and information on the Medieval Assembly of European Wizards had paid off and he was feeling pretty good about it. He looked at James next to him tapping his heels against the floor, waiting for the bell to go off so he could escape the classroom. Remus could sympathise and when the bell rang, packed up his materials slowly lest he seemed eager to leave.
He waited a minute after James and Peter had whooped and exited with most of the students. Lily stopped at James’ table and rolled her eyes but waved at Remus when he caught her eyes before heading out with Marlene. What was that about? Remus decided he’d waited long enough and turned around to check if he’d left anything so he didn’t see Sirius coming up near him.
“Filch is gonna have a fit when he sees this.” Startled, Remus turned to see Sirius tracing a finger on James’ desk. There were hearts drawn in black ink with ‘L+J’ and ‘L.E & J.P forever’, the latter of which was somewhat smudged now.
“Sirius! Er–hullo,” Remus managed awkwardly and then added, “Good exam?”
“Oh, shit!” Sirius held up a blackened finger to show him and then blinked when their eyes met. “Yeah, but it was way too long.” He ran a hand through his hair and then swore as he remembered the ink staining his fingers.
“True,” Remus replied and cleared his throat when Sirius seemed to be focused on wiping his hand on the sleeve of his robe. “Tergeo, maybe?” Remus suggested and Sirius looked up.
“Yeah, that’s good,” Sirius said approvingly before casting the spell on his fingers. He pointed his wand at the table and paused. “Should we leave this for Filch?”
Remus shrugged. “Shouldn’t be difficult to get out. I’m sure even I could do this with soap in thirty seconds.”
“Soap, eh? I forget he’s a Squib.” Sirius smirked at the scribbles. “Maybe I should make it permanent?”
“Really? That’s–” Remus tightened a hand around the strap of his bag, trying to find a way not to antagonize Sirius; as James reminded him, he was one of those Blacks after all. “He’ll know it was James and find some way to blame us. Spending our last days in detention wouldn’t be fun at all.”
“You’re right; cleaning up bird crap isn’t my idea of fun either,” Sirius said and put his wand away. He gave Remus a sideways look. “You’re a nice guy, aren’t you, Remus?”
Remus was caught off guard by the comment. “Err–thanks, I suppose?” They seemed to have run out of things to talk about and looked away.
“Ah, well,” Sirius pushed back a lock of his hair–it had gotten slightly long now–and stepped towards the door. “We should get going before Binns hands us another paper.” That stirred Remus into motion and he strode out with Sirius.
“Uh, see you next year then,” Remus said as they reached the stairs, ready to part ways. That made Sirius laugh loudly for some reason.
“This year isn’t over yet.” But even as Sirius seemed amused while saying this, his smile dimmed after that and vanished when they went their separate ways. Remus didn’t have the courage to ask him what was wrong.
They weren’t friends. They rarely interacted alone without James around and while it had been one of the most awkward conversations in his life, Remus wished they could have spent just a little more time together.
In the three years of school Sirius had made a lot of acquaintances suitable to his parents’ liking and one very persistent rival out of James Potter in–well–everything. Academics, Quidditch, jinxing and charming things that they weren’t supposed to...the list was long. Their paths crossed more often than possible for students who had only Transfiguration class together. Sometimes Sirius wondered if Potter didn’t actively search for him just to irritate him. Or maybe he searched out for Potter to do the same because it was…fun.
Oh, and an odd connection with Remus Lupin; Sirius wouldn’t call him a friend. Remus didn’t pass notes in class, was a typical good boy and disappeared sometimes only to return sickly. Merlin only knew what he got up to and Sirius was just so curious. They were still on first-name basis and well, he couldn’t help greeting Remus with a smile which was always returned. Okay, so he might have started that in First Year to rile Potter; his reactions were hilarious after all, but it had stuck.
Well, Sirius believed Remus and him had grown closer since an impromptu study session together last week, thanks to Professor Slughorn because Remus was simply terrible at Potions. In exchange, Remus lent his colour-coded pointers for Defence notes; they made the theory bit of the subject actually likeable.
He’d looked forward to their sessions all week and couldn’t wait to ask Remus how his exams had gone.
Sirius wandered towards the Great Lake; the sun was out and so were most people. He could make out students by the lake tickling the Giant Squid’s tentacles which would move lazily once in a while. Sirius quickened his steps to the lake; of course he couldn’t resist that.
Neither could Potter and his trusty sidekicks, it seemed. Though Sirius wouldn’t refer to Remus as a sidekick; somehow he was in the thick of things wherever trouble brewed but was hardly proven guilty. Sirius liked that.
“I don’t think he likes you much,” Remus was saying to Potter whose hands were submerged in the lake splashing gently as if coaxing the Giant Squid to reach out a tentacle to him too.
“That’s impossible, Moony,” Potter said loudly and ruffled his hair. “Time to get serious. Peter, the bait!”
Beside him Pettigrew held out a shrimp and Potter rolled his sleeves up as he accepted it. “Watch the best Chaser at work, Moony. No way can our friend here resist this.”
He aimed it at the Squid’s mouth from a distance. It flew and hit something that could be the Squid’s ear or cheek and they watched it fall into the lake.
“No!” Pettigrew and Potter cried out in unison. Really?
“You actually expected that to work?” Sirius let out before he could stop himself as he reached the trio.
“Ah!” Potter whipped around and held out his arms as if to shield the lake from Sirius’ view. “Black, if you’re here to hurt Squidy here–”
“James, please don’t give it strange nicknames,” Remus interrupted this heroic dialogue and wrinkled his nose, “And Peter, please put those away, it stinks.” Sirius smirked; clearly he wasn’t the only one who thought there was something very wrong with both Pettigrew and Potter’s head.
“But Moony, I want–” Sirius didn’t wait to hear any more of Potter’s nonsense and whistled softly at the edge of the lake. The Squid moved its body an infinitesimal amount and slowly reached out a tentacle towards Sirius. Potter watched the interaction with a sour expression.
“What’s so good about him?” He asked the Squid and then kicked the ground before sneering at Sirius. “Well, at least you have a friend now. Come on, guys!” With that he turned on his heel and motioned for his friends to follow. Pettigrew followed immediately but Remus was frowning, looking back and forth between James’ retreating back and Sirius’ shuttered face.
That really hurt. Sirius exhaled audibly and held the rush of emotions at bay, he was a Black, damn it. He could still see the words expressing disappointment in the letter sent earlier this morning from home; at his lack of connections with the right people and mischievous conduct unsuited to a Black.
“Sirius.”
He opened his eyes–when had he closed them?–to find Remus in front of him and he straightened his shoulders, his face turning stony as he pushed the hurt away.
“James–” Remus hesitated before answering, “–everything’s a competition with him when it comes to you. He can be a little immature at times–”
“Don’t make excuses for your friend,” Sirius snapped, interrupting him and made a dismissive gesture. “You should run along; don’t want to be left behind, do you, Lupin?” Remus looked stricken for a second before backing away.
“Fine,Black, if that’s the way you want it.” Remus, looking irked, tugged up a paperback that had been laying on the grass. “Enjoy the company,” He threw a glance at the Squid and left for the castle.
Sirius rubbed the back of his head, annoyed at Potter for getting to him but mostly at himself for turning away the one person who might just have made him feel better.
He sighed and accepted the tentacle curling against his finger for a tickle; Remus and him were never going to become friends, were they?
Remus hummed lightly as he headed to the inner corners of the library full of dusty, grey and yellow books–a combination that gave James a headache apparently and so he had refused to accompany Remus–in search of anything that would help him with the math part of his homework on Cross-Species Switches.
He didn’t expect anybody to be at this part of the library on a Saturday. He wouldn’t be in here either but since his homework had piled up since the last transformation, here he was. So when he was met with a gasp and a flurry of movement upon reaching the last shelves he almost jumped back, wand already in hand.
“What the hell, Sirius?” Remus exclaimed. They hadn’t talked since Third Year exams had ended and Remus wasn’t going to be the first to try and be chivalrous to Black again. No way.
Sirius cursed and fumbled with the magazine he’d been reading, sitting down leaning against the heavy shelf. Only when Remus actually looked at Sirius’ haughty expression and then at a scantily clad witch winking on the cover did he realise that Sirius had been alone…reading–enjoying?–the pictures in the magazine. In the library?. His face felt as if it was on fire and he cleared his throat.
“Er–I came here for the Transfiguration homework.” Remus looked up and down the shelves in front of him, anywhere but at Sirius holding the animated magazine so openly. “You know what, I’ll try somewhere else.” With that, Remus was about to turn and leave Sirius to whatever got his rocks off.
“Wait!” Sirius called out loudly and Remus, unable to stop himself, turned back and got a glimpse of the witch now handling a broomstick the way it was definitely not supposed to be. Sirius shut the magazine. “Er–this isn’t what it looks like.”
“Like you’re a hormonal teenager hoping to get off without disturbance?” Remus asked quizzically and then gave him a polite smile. “It’s alright, I mean you could have taken advantage of your dorm on a weekend but if you’re into books or something–”
“I’m telling you it’s not like that!” Sirius whispered loudly and patted the space beside him for Remus to sit. “You can’t tell anyone about this,” Sirius said with a warning in his words. Remus wouldn’t even know how to tell anyone about this.
Remus settled warily beside Sirius, watching him pull out his wand and point it towards the cover of the magazine. It changed and Remus’ jaw almost dropped.
“You read Arthur Salamander’s mysteries?,” Remus asked, disbelieving as Sirius scowled at him.
“Not so loud,” Sirius whispered and then showed the book to Remus, it was the third book in the series, the newest one Remus had been saving up for. “I didn’t know you read this too.” Sirius’ face was alighted. Remus could feel the smile mirroring on his face at having found someone who shared his love for the obscure series about a retired Auror who was looking to spend his retirement in peace only to end up in the thick of murders and deceit every time.
“I do, in fact I was waiting to get this one,” Remus told Sirius as he looked down at the book and then up. “But why hide it like that?” Remus asked with a wave of his hand.
“Come on, Remus,” Sirius remarked lightly, “a Ravenclaw reading a proper book book in the library? It’s a bit cliche, isn’t it?”
“And that’s a bad thing, somehow?” Remus asked.
Sirius sighed heavily then. “It’s not, but it makes people cling and try to be my friend even if I don’t want it.”
Remus must have looked puzzled because Sirius crossed his legs and leaned back on the shelf. “So much of me is a cliche. Tall, smart, rich, handsome and an heir to boot–the perfect boy.” Sirius’ voice had taken on a sarcastic tone. “I mean I can’t help being good looking, or smart, can I?” Sirius stopped in a frustrated voice and grabbed the book to continue where he’d left off.
Remus, odd as it was, understood then; Sirius wanted to rebel against all the norms of Blacks. From befriending unworthy Muggle-borns and Half-bloods in spite of being from one of the most prestigious Pureblood families, causing trouble to one-up James’ pranks on the students, attending Muggle Studies class, interrupting Professor Slughorn’s lessons with jokes because he could get away with it and reading works by unknown authors hidden away where no one would find him.
Or maybe Sirius was just genuinely a nice guy. He wasn’t a show-off or an attention seeker as James liked to point out; people were naturally drawn to him.
But what bothered Remus were Sirius’ previous words. “Am I trying to be a friend when you don’t want it?” He asked noncommittally.
“No,” Sirius replied and then smiled at Remus slowly. “I care about you. Have since First Year.”
It was stupid for Remus to blush at those words, to be awestruck by the smile and yet Remus couldn’t stop the weird sensation in his chest that somehow traveled lower and churned in his stomach. Was he getting sick?
“That’s good, we can talk about books all we want now.” Remus paused and then held out a hand. “I mean, it’s good to finally be friends with you, Sirius Black.”
Sirius shifted slightly and shook his hand. “You’re a real bookworm, aren’t you? But we can be nerds together if that makes you happy. You can have it by the way; I’m just reading through again.” To Remus’ surprise Sirius handed him the book.
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, tracing the crisp cover of the book but when turned it around saw the creases on the bent spine–the mark of a well loved book. It made Remus smile. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Sirius replied and then tucked away his hair behind his ears. “I’m sorry about last year.” He looked like he wanted to say more but kept quiet and Remus let him be, all the while reminding himself to have Madam Pomfrey check him over even though he was fairly sure that the nausea he felt had nothing to do with any illness.
“You’re going out flying with Black again?” James asked groggily when Remus pulled on his jumper and brushed his hair. Even barely awake at five thirty in the morning, James sounded annoyed. “If you’d just join the team, Moony, I would fly with you all you want.”
Remus smiled fondly. “Aye aye, captain. Go back to sleep, James.” He tied his shoelaces tightly. “You’ll need the energy, remember what day it is today.” From the excited screech that followed Remus when he closed the door, James had remembered that it was Lily’s birthday and plans for the surprise party was to be put in motion.
By the time Remus reached their rendezvous point Sirius was already flying low. He swooped down and whizzed by Remus with a laugh. There went all his hard work as his hair whipped out of its smoothed style.
Remus mounted his broom and kicked off into a smooth flight. James might act affronted by the friendship between Remus and Sirius but he was the one who’d started flying with Remus in the evenings because practicing alone was just boring and Remus’ praises were more genuine than Peter’s.
James had been elated to see Remus learning quickly but of course he’d had to grudgingly accept Remus’ refusal to join the team. How did one explain monthly absences to an ambitious team of players?
“Morning,” Remus greeted Sirius as he caught up with him. “James is planning a party for Lily’s birthday tonight. Friends of friends are welcome to attend,” He informed loudly.
“Ugh, why do I have to hear his name first thing in the morning?” Sirius remarked with a put upon scowl that changed when they reached the Great Lake and flew over the icy surface. “If you’re inviting though, then the answer's yes. By the way, are you better now?”
“Yeah, loads better,” Remus answered quickly; he didn't need Sirius of all people dwelling on the time he’d been absent for his last transformation. “You want to come even though you don’t like James?” Remus teased and Sirius barked out a laugh.
“Especially because I don’t like him. I can bet you that Potter’s face will end up smashed into a cake and it will all be Lily’s doing.” Sirius sounded gleeful at the thought and Remus shook his head. Right, James also believed that Sirius was trying to steal his future wife for himself.
“Knowing James, he might take that as a sign of Lily’s undying love for him,” Remus said, bemused.
The party ended almost how Sirius had predicted, only it was Marlene who’d pushed the remaining cake onto James’ face when he’d openly ogled Lily and suggested going upstairs for a private celebration.
“He deserved that one,” Remus commented lightly. Beside him Sirius hummed as he swirled his glass of punch. They were on one of the couches, somehow squeezed into it and Remus felt too lazy to move, drunk on the colourful lighting, the chatter, the fruity taste in his mouth and Sirius’ proximity. From this close Remus could see the Adam’s Apple bobbing when Sirius took a sip, his long long eyelashes and his hair falling over the side of his face.
Before he could stop himself, Remus reached out and pushed away the hair from Sirius’ face tucking it behind his ear. Sirius turned stiff and gave him a sideways look.
“What are you doing?”
Oh...hell! What was he doing? “Looked uncomfortable,” Remus replied in a scratchy voice and tugged at his own collar. “Is it hot in here or what?” He asked, feeling dazed, out of place as the warmth of Sirius’ shoulder pressed against him seeped through their shirts.
“It’s January, I don’t think that’s possible,” Sirius answered reasonably and then lightly touched the side of Remus’ face with a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Remus inhaled sharply and pushed away Sirius’ hand only to have it grab at Remus’ wrist. Sirius had turned to face him properly now, eyes boring into Remus’. His mouth went dry as his eyes travelled down to Sirius’ lips, red from the drink. He could imagine the sweet taste on them right now. Remus’ tongue darted out and his free hand found itself lined against Sirius’ jaw, thumb grazing against Sirius’ bottom lip. Remus began leaning in; to claim those lips for himself–
“What happened here?” Sirius broke in as he held up Remus’ bandaged wrist that had been hidden under long sleeves from prying eyes. The drunken haze passed instantly as Remus pulled his hand away from Sirius’ face, feeling as if he’d been doused in cold water, the seductive moment from seconds ago feeling like a memory of a lifetime ago.
“My Dad and I went skiing during the holidays,” Remus tried moving away but Sirius’ grip was unrelenting. “Turns out I’m not as good as I thought.” He prayed for Sirius to buy it.
Sirius traced the edges of the bandage. “What are your parents doing to you, Remus?” That shocked Remus into pulling out of Sirius’ grip and he massaged it with a glare.
“No. My parents have done nothing wrong, nothing at all.” He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before opening his eyes and looking straight at Sirius. “I did this to myself, Sirius.”
He turned away and trudged upstairs to his dorm. When James came in later, he asked what kind of alcohol had James mixed in the punch because it had left no aftertaste.
James blinked at Remus quizzically. “What are you talking about, Moony? There was no alcohol in anything. You okay?”
Remus answered him vaguely and curled up on his bed, tired. Tomorrow, he would wake up tomorrow and hope that Sirius would forget about tonight.
Liking someone always came with sensations that pretty much ranged from nice to distressing. There was the heart clenching, sometimes skipping a beat, breathlessness, the looking—Merlin, the noticing—and then just wanting them close. It all came with so much anxiety and questions that it was basically one giant mess in one’s head.
At fifteen, looking at other boys with thoughts of how their hands would feel on him or the taste of their lips was both exciting and daunting; Sirius looked away though, he always did. Finding one’s friends to be attractive was okay, but to be caught looking for too long was just not.
Sirius hadn’t been able to take his eyes off his friend from across the classrooms on the first day of classes in Fifth Year. Something had changed about Remus or maybe Sirius was just noticing it; something about the hair, the angles of his face, a slight gracefulness in the way he did pretty much everything and Sirius was fascinated, dangerously so. So he looked away whenever his eyes caught Remus’.
Remus was keeping things from him, important things. One of them was hurting him to keep; if only he would just talk to Sirius, he could help. The other, Sirius wasn’t so sure about that. He didn’t know what to do if Remus hadn’t meant anything by the confusing signals he’d given on the night of Lily’s birthday, didn’t think he could handle pretending to be a good friend when he wanted so much more.
Sirius worried about a lot of things this year; his brother for the company he kept, Snape asking questions about Lupin, the articles about Voldemort his father had sent and Remus. He spent a lot of time with his Ravenclaw housemates and occasionally the Slytherins to appease his parents and Merlin, didn’t he just hate that Snape. No wonder Potter couldn’t resist hexing the git at any available opportunity.
This was partly why he found himself with Potter, Pettigrew and Remus—much to Potter’s chagrin—as a whole but never alone with Remus. In hindsight it wasn’t the best idea to avoid being close to Remus and somehow, something was wedging itself between them. They still flew together in the mornings every week but just slightly, they had drifted. Enough for Remus to know not to seek him out alone for a fag behind the greenhouses—or wherever the next secret spot was—as they had done before.
“Didn’t think I’d see the day Sirius Black would be studying in the library,” Potter’s jovial voice pulled Sirius out of the monstrous world of cruel treatment of werewolves. He blinked over the tomes he had surrounded himself with and was both thankful that Potter with his unruly hair had interrupted him and irked at having been disturbed.
“Keep it down, I don’t want Pince hovering here,” Sirius hissed at Potter who looked disgruntled but complied. When he leaned in to see what Sirius was reading, his face lost all amusement.
“What’s that for? I don’t remember having any homework for Defence.” His voice was purposefully light but there was an edge to it that caught Sirius’ attention and he knew, just knew that he was going in the right direction with his research.
“You remember correctly for once, Potter. Five points to Gryffindor,” Sirius answered and crossed his legs as he turned to face the bespectacled boy fully. “It’s not for school, more for—say, a mutual friend.”
“You prick!” Potter actually sounded angry, it was the first time Sirius had seen it up close and directed at him. “If you really want to be a good friend, then you better stop whatever you’re doing right now.” Potter and his mindless threats, Sirius could handle him just fine.
“A friend like you, Potter?” Sirius taunted him, upset that Potter hadn’t done anything to help Remus in spite of being his best friend for five long years and angry for Remus. “Who’s only used Remus’ status as a prefect to pull your stupid pranks and never done a thing to help him with his transfor-“
“Shut up!” Potter cried out as he wrung a hand in Sirius’ collar. “You don’t know anything and don’t think for a second I don’t know that a Black would be the first person to fuck Remus over.”
“Get your bloody hand out of my collar,” Sirius warned him and when Potter continued seething, he pointed his wand at his legs. Immediately ropes shot out to curl and tighten around Potter’s legs upending him and pulling both of them down against the floor. With a growl Sirius found himself in a scuffle with the Gryffindor and it might have escalated had Madam Pince not screeched her way in and shoved them outside with a booming declaration of banishment from the library. Forever.
Panting, they glared at one another and suddenly the fight drained out of Sirius as he slumped and leaned back against the stone-cold wall. Potter followed suit and slid down to sit on the ground.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Potter spoke up first and for once sounded desperate. Sirius would have milked it for its worth, Potter was begging him after all but this was about Remus.
“How long have you known about him being a—” Sirius couldn’t get the words out. “Being ill?” Potter looked at him.
“If you can’t even say it, don’t bother pretending to be Remus’ friend anymore.”
“Cut it out, Potter.” Sirius sat down with a huff. “You want me to announce it to all of Hogwarts?” A group of students exited the library right then, hurrying when they saw the two disheveled fifteen year olds, whispering and giving them curious looks.
“Ah, yeah. Okay,” Potter conceded grudgingly.
“Unlike you, I actually do stop to think, Potter,” Sirius said tiredly and bumped his head against the wall. “What do I say to Remus?”
“Don’t know, but you gotta think fast,” Potter told him, sounding wary and Sirius looked up to see Remus walking towards them with Pettigrew in tow. Uh oh. News travelled fast it seemed.
“Don’t you dare hurt him, Sirius,” Potter threatened and stood up. “You can call me James by the way,” he said, offering a hand to an astonished Sirius. He took the hand, ready to face Remus and bridge the distance once and for all.
Remus frowned at the smell of cigarettes when he passed by the Boys’ bathroom on the second floor to find Sirius nonchalantly puffing out shapeless smoke.
“Are those mine?” Remus asked, visibly ticked off at Sirius as he sat and smoked openly, the pack lying next to him. If Filch came for rounds here Remus might as well lose his badge.
“Who would have thought, eh?” Sirius remarked lazily as he exhaled and hummed. The idea of Sirius snooping through his personal belongings irritated Remus more than he had expected and he snatched away the cigarette.
“You should have asked,” Remus snapped and regretted it instantly when Sirius’ face closed off.
“Fine. I’ll just get my own, Amos owes me favours anyway,” Sirius replied as he stood up fluidly and pushed his hair back. Remus’ eyes followed his movements. He stopped to think for a second and concern made him reach out to stop Sirius who looked surprised at the gesture. Remus cleared his throat and shook off the ash from the cigarette.
“Listen, I know a good place for doing this—” he stashed the cigarette pack in his pocket, “—don’t want to get caught by Filch, do you?” It was the right thing to do and Remus felt only slightly guilty for contributing to Sirius’ lung damage but this...well…this would be an occasional thing.
“I knew you’d see reason.” Sirius laughed and exhaled misty smoke and Remus shook his head; well, there went his secret alcove on the third floor but at least it was for a good cause…sort of.
Silence descended in the little shared space and Remus shivered in the cold as he thought of how best to ask Sirius what happened to him during Christmas, it wasn’t a big deal; friends were supposed to ask one another things like that. Then why was it so daunting? It was just words.
“Sirius, do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked finally. Sirius looked at him questioningly and he clarified, “About whatever happened during Christmas hols.” Sirius didn’t answer right away but his shoulders hunched up ever so slightly.
“What makes you think something happened?” Sirius sucked his cheeks in, looking away and Remus couldn’t help but stare at the way Sirius made melancholy look so beautiful. Until Sirius turned to him and Remus took a drag of his cigarette to look busy.
“You’re quiet,” Remus answered and put out his cigarette. “You haven’t hexed Snape even once after coming back—which is a good thing, mind you—but you just…look upset.” That strangely made Sirius smirk.
“Been looking at me a lot, have you?” He asked and then frowned at his finished cigarette. “I don’t do the violins and maudlin music thing well, so, let’s not talk about it.”
“Right,” Remus replied, somewhat put-out but then remembered that this wasn’t about him; it was about Sirius. He pulled out a new stick. “Know how to make smoke rings?” Sirius looked at him, interested.
“No, but I bet you could teach me a thing or two, Mr. Prefect.” The cold disguised the shiver that went through Remus from the drawling voice as he lit up the cigarette.
“Anytime you want, Sirius.”
Remus didn't know whether it was the quiet or the tobacco that made Sirius open up afterwards; about his uncle Alphard's death, about Regulus' obsession with Voldemort's regime and the constant quarrels with his parents. Remus shifted just slightly so their shoulders and knees were touching.
I'm here for you.
At some point, he curled his fingers around Sirius' and received a squeeze.
Thank you for being here.
First one to arrive selected the route and Remus was first for once. He couldn’t wait to see Sirius’ reaction. See, he could wake up while the sun was still down even if an alarm clock had been broken to bits in the process.
Remus flew without a worry, trying out some moves he’d seen during the last Quidditch match–Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. That had been one intense game, with barely a margin of difference in scores until Sirius almost crashed against a goal post, avoiding it by inches and emerging with the Snitch in hand.
If Remus had jumped and cheered for Sirius from the Gryffindor stand when everyone around him wailed in disappointment; it was the right thing to do as Sirius’ friend. James had pelted him with gobstones before going to sleep while muttering about traitors and infatuated idiots. He even went so far as conjuring up a flock of pesky birds to follow Remus around on the following Hogsmeade weekend. Remus could have easily taken care of them but he accepted it, knowing he kind of deserved it.
Sirius was late, Remus thought and flew over the frozen lake, feeling lonely now that the sky was lightening. Well, Sirius’ loss if he missed out on watching the sunrise with him. His broom vibrated and he headed to a lower altitude, making a quick decision to get another one; most of the school brooms were faulty as hell.
The warming charm he’d cast earlier was wearing off and the wind was starting to bite his face. Getting to his wand meant removing a hand from the broom handle and Remus didn’t trust the stupid broom to not throw him off right then. He was so focused on getting to the broom shed that he didn’t see Sirius flying towards him.
Colliding with Sirius Black first thing in the morning might be considered lucky by many people but Remus wanted to live, thank you very much and instinctively swerved left. The broom veered a bit too left and jerked violently.
He swore he felt a sense of déjà vu when he slipped off the broom. He heard Sirius shout over the rushing in his ears and floundered in the air as he dropped quickly. He was too high to make it without an injury this time. But he wasn’t eleven anymore and even terrified, channeled everything he had into casting a wandless summoning charm.
“Accio!” He cried out and there it was–the handle–in the midst of those heart-stopping seconds and he grabbed on for dear life. Stilling mid-air, he closed his eyes as he hung from the handle of his broom and inhaled in sharp bursts.
“Remus!” Sirius shouted
Remus raised his head; he had forgotten about him. Sirius dove towards him and pulled Remus down to his broom. Remus hugged Sirius’ back, trembling from the cold and coming down from the adrenaline rush. Sirius didn’t say anything as he smoothly descended, not mentioning Remus’ deathlike grip around him.
The moment they touched ground Remus pushed off the broom and dropped into the snow, bent over as he wanted to cry just a little; mostly in relief that Sirius had arrived when he did. Suddenly Remus was enveloped in warmth and he looked at his shoulder to find Sirius’ cloak draped over him.
“Sirius, thank goodness–” Remus stopped as Sirius dropped to his knees in front of him and pulled him into a crushing hug, breathing shakily against the side of his neck. Remus’ eyes widened and he patted Sirius’ hair. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did you get hurt somewhere?” Sirius pulled away, holding Remus at arm’s length. He looked terrified, his eyes shining suspiciously.
“Merlin! Remus, do you do shit like this on purpose?” He asked, sounding snappish. Remus looked at him in astonishment.
“Why on earth would I do that?” Remus pushed away one of Sirius’ hand. Leave it to Sirius Black to make someone feel worse after an incident. The wetness from the snow seeping into his trousers made Remus even more cross and he wanted to leave; he was so done for the day. “Let me go!”
“You could have been hurt,” Sirius said in a low voice, his voice close to breaking. That cut through Remus’ anger and he stared at Sirius, surprised. “You scared me, Remus. I was fucking terrified,” Sirius confessed heatedly.
“Please don’t ever do that again.” It was the tone and the desperate look in Sirius’ eyes that made Remus reach out and cup Sirius’ face in his hands.
Remus didn’t think to stop himself–wouldn’t stop even if he could– as he leaned forward, tilted his head and pressed his lips to Sirius’. As far as first kisses went, this one was definitely not Remus’ best; their lips were cold, Sirius’ hair was in their faces and they were far too apart to do this comfortably. Even so, Remus wouldn’t change a thing, he thought as he pulled back with a grin.
Sirius stared at him wide-eyed for a moment too long, leaving Remus wondering if he’d made a mistake. Then Sirius fell back against the snow, as if he’d lost all his energy. Remus shifted and loomed over Sirius in apprehension; had he fainted from the shock of his werewolf male friend kissing him?
“All this time,” Sirius whispered and gave Remus a stunned look. “I’ve been so worried all this time! Fancying you and trying not to make a move–” He stopped and closed his eyes, a smile growing on his face which then transformed into a laugh. A loud and uncontrollable one.
He looked mad but also happy. Without warning, he pulled Remus down for a kiss. Remus flailed at first and then returned it heartily.This time it was a proper smooch and though Remus could feel Sirius’ smile, it was nothing less than soft warmth and an inexplicable sweetness.
When they parted, Sirius hugged Remus tightly and laughed quietly. The wind snatched up the sound of Sirius’ chuckles but Remus felt the vibrations in Sirius’ chest and savoured the moment; he was exactly where he had wanted to be.
The incessant tapping on the window woke Remus up on Christmas morning. He groaned, cursing himself for last night, for being unable to withstand the temptation of alcohol and one last Christmas Eve at Hogwarts with his loved ones.
“Bloody hell, someone open the damn window,” Peter muffled out, no doubt clutching his pillow over his head. James was dead to the world—lucky bastard—so the task fell upon Remus to open the window and let the owl in, with Christmas presents, no doubt.
Remus opened the window and blinked at the sight of a very big, bundled-up owl.
“Morning, Love.” Oh, the owl turned out to be Sirius. Some part of Remus’ fuzzy brain registered Sirius’ greeting and he would have smiled if he’d been able to move a muscle without hurting.
“Come in,” Remus whispered and shut the window as soon as Sirius flew in. Remus rubbed his eyes and frowned at Sirius. How could anyone’s hair look so artfully tumbled after a broom ride in the windy skies? “You look good,” Remus told Sirius honestly and yawned. “Sleep?” He pointed at his heavenly bed.
Sirius rolled his eyes but tugged Remus by the fingers when he was about to crash onto his bed again. “No, it’s Christmas morning, Moony. Let’s go out.” Sirius pulled him and Remus melted against him.
“No, I’m dying,” Remus informed him because he was, his head was killing him and no amount of Sirius-hugs could make it go away, though that was a good way to go.
“And I have just the thing for it,” Sirius whispered and gently shook a flask in front of Remus.
A hangover cure? Sirius Black was the most thoughtful boyfriend ever. Remus decided right then and there: he was in love. Within minutes of drinking the potion he was feeling chipper and almost skipped to his trunk for a change of clothes.
“Excuse me, what about the rest of us?” James asked as he was woken up the sounds, looking owlish.
“He doesn’t love us the way he does Remus,” Peter answered instead from behind his curtains. That got a smile from Remus and of course Sirius went to pull away James’ bed curtains with a loud ‘Merry Christmas’. Remus winced and headed to brush his teeth, leaving Sirius to torture James and Peter.
When Remus got out of the bathroom he found Sirius singing some off-key mishmash of Muggle and Wizarding carols. He stopped when he saw Remus and sent him a flirty smile.
“Ready?” Sirius asked and Remus ran his brush through his hair, unfortunately no amount of finger combing could make his hair look like Sirius’. He grabbed up a soft, wrapped package and headed for his bed.
“Moony, no. You can’t tempt me like that,” Sirius said exasperatedly when Remus climbed on his bed and waved him over.
“Just get in here if you want your present.” That had Sirius inside within two seconds and Remus shut the bed curtains as he sat and only then saw the long package Sirius had in his hand along with his Nimbus 1990.
“Merry Christmas, Moony,” Sirius greeted first and held out the package. Remus took it apprehensively, both wishing and not for it to be what he thought the present might be. He had peeled off part of the brown wrapping when he saw the twigs.
“Sirius, no.” Remus tried handing the present back to Sirius who crossed his arms defiantly.
“You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’, Moony. I’m hurt.”
“Thank you,” Remus answered automatically. “But I can’t accept something like this,” He said even as he was just dying to unwrap the present fully.
“Actually, you can,” Sirius countered and then grinned excitedly. “Come on, open it up, Moony.” This was to make Sirius happy, Remus told himself as he tore up the paper to find a shiny new Nimbus 1990 in his hand.
“It’s the same as mine,” Sirius pointed out with a soft smile. “It’s a matching set.”
“Damn you, Sirius,” Remus whispered. The soppy idiot; he looked so happy because they had a pair of matching broomsticks. Remus couldn’t not push him down and spoil him with kisses.
“Where’s my present?” Sirius asked eagerly after that and Remus handed the bright, wrapped present to him.
“It can’t compare to yours, but it will keep you warm,” Remus told him, self consciously. He watched Sirius as he gently unwrapped the shiny paper, no doubt to fold it and add it to his collection of mementos. Sirius opened up the jumper that Mrs. Lupin had knitted for him.
“It’s red,” Sirius announced happily as he pulled it on. As if Remus would give him clothing in any colour other than his favourite. “It’s soft and it has a ‘S’. It’s even got small wings.” He traced the letter. “Your mum’s amazing, maybe I can send something to her for New Year’s,” Sirius added thoughtfully.
Remus touched the small letter on the sweater and felt obliged to say, “You don’t have to.” He brought Sirius’ attention to the letter. “I did this part by the way.” It was a small letter done in blue and the wings in bronze thread, thanks to the materials and an instruction booklet sent by his mum. It had taken Remus weeks to do what his mum could have done in a day but he was trying to be romantic here.
The soft curve of Sirius’ mouth and the way his eyes shone made Remus feel like Santa himself.
“I love it, Remus,” Sirius whispered as he traced the letter reverently. “Thank you.”
That was all the assurance Remus needed and he wrapped his arms around Sirius, content to stay that way but Sirius hadn’t forgotten their earlier plans.
“We’re getting out of this bed now,Moony.”
Remus hid a smile as they climbed out. James was cocooned in his blanket and peeked out to glare at them.
“Get the fuck out and don’t come back until tomorrow,” James hissed at the couple.
“Is that permission to stay out all night, Dad?” Sirius teased and dodged the action figure of Lev Levski that James threw with precision. Remus rolled his eyes and bid his friends goodbye before walking downstairs and out of the common room.
When the Fat Lady told them not to get up to mischief, Remus grinned, eyes alight and without warning pulled Sirius forward by the hand as he broke into a run. Sirius was surprised only momentarily and then with a laugh they were off, down the stairs, past the older students who had stayed back to celebrate their last Christmas at Hogwarts, all the way to the gate and outside.
There they mounted their brooms, ready to fly over the frozen lake and frost-tipped trees.
Remus held out a lit cigarette to Sirius which he accepted silently. They had walked over to Hagrid’s hut and settled down behind it. In a few hours they would be leaving Hogwarts to become a part of the big world out there. Their time at Hogwarts would be something of the past, memories dear to Remus.
James had started crying in the middle of a Gobstones match with Peter last night. That in turn had made the rest of them pile up on Peter’s bed and follow suit until James had kicked Sirius for being so bloody heavy that he couldn’t breathe. Then Peter had proposed weekly hangouts at his house; they could barbeque and light fireworks and do all the things friends did in the holidays.
James had welcomed them to plan the house-warming party for his and Lily’s flat. Sirius and Remus agreed that they needed help with setting up their new flat. Anything to stay together just another day longer.
But what was life going to be like for Remus now? Living with Sirius was the one thing Remus was looking forward to, but what about everything else? What could a werewolf possibly do with all his academic qualifications, his hard-earned ‘O’s in every subject–
“You’re thinking too much,” Sirius said softly, breaking Remus out of his train of depressing thoughts. “Everything’s gonna be fine, Moony. Trust me, we can do anything together.”
When Sirius put it that way, Remus found himself believing him even if for a while. He looked down when Sirius’ fingers found his.
“Look,” Sirius whispered.
Dawn was breaking over finally, the sun coming up and lighting the skies. Beside Remus, Sirius titled his face up as if to soak in the first rays of the sun.
Remus had come to Hogwarts alone but he would be leaving with people who meant the world to him. He finally smiled as he vanished the cigarette and turned towards the castle.
This was only the beginning of something else, not just an end. There were traps to set, things to enchant and pranks to pull; souvenirs to leave behind for the teachers, Filch and Mrs. Norris. A new day was here; the possibilities were endless..
no subject
Date: 2018-12-27 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-28 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-28 07:01 pm (UTC)James and Sirius being foes to friends. Totally believable!!
I love this!!
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Date: 2018-12-28 11:56 pm (UTC)I just love a caring Sirius,siriusly love writing him a lot and Remus flying is one of my favourite things ever.
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Date: 2019-01-03 05:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 08:28 pm (UTC)YOU ARE SO TALENTED THANK YOU SO MUCH
Date: 2019-01-05 01:22 am (UTC)Re: YOU ARE SO TALENTED THANK YOU SO MUCH
Date: 2019-01-05 08:32 am (UTC)Thank you so much!I'm really glad YOU liked it so much! <3
Trust me,I know all about getting late and having so little time these days!
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Date: 2019-01-06 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 12:12 pm (UTC)Yes,I don't do that many developing friendship fics so this was definitely an interesting challenge.