Fic: Live Until You're Young for peskywhistpaw

[heartofspells.livejournal.com]

Title: Live Until You're Young
Author/Artist: heartofspells
Recipient: peskywhistpaw
Rating: PG-13
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *The smallest, least offensive use of language, depending on how you look at it. Neck love? *
Word count: ~4,500
Summary: Growing up isn't optional, except when it is.
Notes: Well, here it is. Parts of it came out a bit angsty, but I promise I tried to balance it out. I hope you enjoy it, dear! Massive thanks to acidbathory for the spectacular beta job! Smallest of references made to SBP if you squint, the inspiration for also belonging to acidbathory.

It starts with a comment; nothing more than a snarky retort from James. They're having fun, Sirius and the rest of the Marauders seated round the fire in the common room, enjoying the empty tower. Lily, who'd stayed for the holidays as well, is snuggled securely in James' lap in one of the armchairs, Peter in the opposite one. Sirius and Remus sit on the sofa, feet propped up on the table in front of them and Sirius' arm thrown casually over Remus' shoulders, an act that to anyone but them simply looks like a brotherly position.

They're discussing Sirius' new flat, something that had been exciting until James had jokingly implied that Sirius would be hiring Lily to cook and clean for him once they left school. It all seems a bit absurd to him that this has only just occurred to him now, instead of when he first found the flat at the end of the summer holidays. Though, regardless of how ridiculous it actually is, Sirius is still terrified beyond belief because James is right. Sirius has no idea how to take care of himself. Household charms had always seemed silly to him when they were being taught, so he hadn't paid much attention. He doesn't even know how to make tea properly.

James has moved on to more entertaining topics of conversation – namely Peter's light-up, twinkling Christmas jumper – but Remus is studying Sirius intently, and he realises that the other boy knows something is wrong, because it's Moony. Sirius avoids meeting his eyes and withdraws his arm from the werewolf's shoulders, standing and stretching.

'I'm for bed, you lot,' he says. 'Too many Slytherins stayed behind for my liking and I plan to not miss a single moment of their punishment tomorrow.'

Three voices chime their good-nights as he turns to leave, but he feels Remus' curious eyes on his back as he mounts the spiraling stairs. Sirius strips and immediately climbs into bed, not in the mood to search for pyjamas. His head has barely touched the pillow, however, when he hears the sound of the door opening. There's a great deal of rustling, the sound of a trunk opening and closing, then the sound of Sirius' hangings being parted. The sheets lift and a warm body presses up against his back, moulding itself to Sirius' own.

Sirius remains silent and so does Remus, their breathing the only sounds to be heard and Sirius knows that Remus is waiting. Finally, after much internal debate, Sirius rolls to face Remus and sighs dejectedly.

'I don't know how to cook,' mumbles Sirius.

There's a note of surprise in Remus' voice. 'What?'

'I don't know how to do anything,' Sirius huffs in frustration. 'Cooking, cleaning; I never bothered to learn any of the spells because I thought they weren't important.'

Remus releases a small chuckle. 'Is that what has you so worried?'

Sirius frowns, which is pointless because he knows Remus can't see it through the darkness. 'It isn't funny, Moony. I've got a little more than five months before I've got to do this all on my own. No house elves and, no matter how much James jokes about it, no Lily, either.'

'I wasn't laughing at you,' counters Remus gently, hand coming up to brush at the hair at the side of Sirius' face. 'I'm relieved, Pads. You had me frightened it was something more serious.'

Sirius recoils slightly in astonishment. 'And this isn't serious?' he demands heatedly.

'Not nearly as much as you're making it out to be,' replies Remus, pulling Sirius closer to him again. He resists at first, but eventually folds himself into the comforting circle of Remus' arm, the werewolf's chin propped on top of his head. As Remus continues, Sirius can feel the vibrations of his words through the boy's throat and chest. 'You're not going to be alone, Sirius. You have friends; you have me, and we all love you. But, if you're truly that worried about it, I'll teach you some of the things you need to know. Unlike you lot, I was paying attention during our lessons.'

Sirius smirks. 'Which is why we didn't,' he retorts. He's rewarded with a sharp pull on a lock of hair and yelps in protest. 'Oi! You know the rules! Abuse anything but the hair.' He feels the muscles under Remus' chin move and knows the other boy is grinning impishly. 'You know what I mean.'

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Sirius is beginning to think this hadn't been the best idea. He'd thought learning these things with Remus would be fun, but in truth, Professor Lupin is in full swing, and Sirius is bored beyond belief. He's getting nowhere and it's more than a bit frustrating. Remus had originally thought that Sirius would discover some hidden talent, because what Sirius tackles, he conquers, but as they quickly realised two days previously, household chores seems to be the one exception.

Remus had asked the house elves to invade their kitchen space, and they had been more than happy to provide. They are entertaining – most of them walking around, singing holiday tunes to themselves, something Sirius has no qualms about joining in on – but more than a little too entertaining, diverting Sirius' attention away from the task at hand and causing Remus to view them as too great of a distraction.

'Sirius!' he says, snapping his fingers to bring Sirius' attention back to him. 'You're not going to learn anything if you don't concentrate on what I'm doing.'

Sirius turns back to Remus, a pout pulling at his lips as Remus continues to show him how to properly crack an egg with magic. Once he's accomplished this, Remus folds the sickening glob into the goopy brown mess Remus swears will be a cake and Sirius' focus slowly swivels back to the elves. Remus sighs as he pours the batter into a pan and sets it to bake.

'Let's take a break, Pads,' says Remus wearily, pulling Sirius over to a nearby table.

Relieved, Sirius collapses into the closest chair and begins to sing along with his favourite elf, Tibby. After a few minutes, he feels Remus' eyes studying him and he turns to look at the other boy. For the first time, Sirius notices how tired Remus looks.

'All right, Rem?' he asks.

Remus provides him with a small smile. 'I'm fine. Full's getting closer.'

'We don't have to do this, Moony,' says Sirius, his brow wrinkling in a frown. 'I'll be all right. 'S what take away's for.'

'No, you were right. You need this Sirius.' Remus reaches across the table and grips Sirius' hand in his. 'I wasn't lying when I said we'd all help you as much and for as long as we're able, but … '

'Yeah,' breathes Sirius, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat. It's easy to forget about the world beyond Hogwarts' walls, safe and protected by the innocence of childhood. However, the fact of the matter is that there's a war building outside those guarded gates, and all too soon, Sirius and his friends are going to be thrown into the mess. He doesn't know how it will turn out or who will be there on the other side and it terrifies him.

Inhaling a deep breath, Sirius changes the subject. 'How did you learn to do all this?' he asks, nodding his head towards the scattered ingredients.

Remus' smile is serene as he answers, 'My mum. She used to sit me on the counter in the kitchen with her when I was younger and I'd help her cook.' His gaze turns to the fireplace on the opposite side of the room, finding something in the flames that Sirius can't see. 'After the bite, she used it as a distraction. Anytime I didn't feel well, or I became depressed, she'd pull me into our little kitchen and teach me to make anything I wanted. It always helped a lot.' Sirius squeezes the boy's hand and Remus turns back to him, brown eyes sad with the memories. 'She always thought it was cooking that helped. Something she called Muggle therapy. She never understood that though I enjoyed what we did, it was her that helped; spending time with her; seeing the proof that even after everything, she still loved me.'

Sirius slides his chair around to sit next to Remus, shoulder brushing shoulder. 'I know you miss her, Rem.'

Remus closes his eyes and tucks his head in the crook of Sirius' neck, remaining silent. They sit this way for quite some time, watching the elves go about their duties and listening to the harmony of songs chorusing through the room.

Eventually, Remus sighs and says, 'The problem is that everything Mum ever did was with her wand. I don't know anything about Muggle cookers and the like, and that's all your flat has.'

Sirius hums. 'Lily's Muggle-born,' he suggests. 'I'm sure she knows a thing or two. We could ask her.' He feels Remus tense slightly, but the boy murmurs an agreement, so Sirius ignores the act. He brings his fingers up to Remus' chin and lifts the werewolf's head up to his, placing a soft kiss on his lips. 'Thank you, for all of this,' he whispers against them, and Remus smiles, kissing Sirius again.

'Oi, you two!' calls James' voice around the corner. Remus shoves himself away from Sirius quickly and Sirius drops Remus' hand.

'Where's that cake we were promised?' asks Peter, appearing a second before James and dropping into the chair across from Sirius.

'It isn't finished yet,' answers Remus, voice calm.

'What?' squawks James. 'Why not?'

'Because it has to cook first, you stupid plonkers,' snaps Sirius. 'That's the whole point of this.'

Peter raises an eyebrow at him. 'What's got your knickers in twist, mate? We're just hungry.'

Sirius huffs and slumps back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and avoiding looking at Remus.

'He's just upset because I refuse to allow him to go carol singing with the elves,' answers Remus, a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth as his foot nudges Sirius' leg playfully beneath the table.

'I'm not upset,' mumbles Sirius.

'Distraught, then,' retorts Remus.

Sirius splutters ineffectively as he searches for a viable objection, but Peter interjects before one occurs to him. 'You two argue like an old married couple.'

As James agrees wholeheartedly and dissolves into a tangent of comparable days past with Lily, Sirius catches Remus' wink and smiles like a smitten first year girl.

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This is going to be a good day. Sirius is determined to spend some much needed alone time with one Remus Lupin and to not allow himself to be distracted by the house elves' antics. Yes, this is going to be a spectacular day, or so Sirius thinks until he tickles the pear, steps through the portrait entrance and, with a startled yelp, falls into a lumpy, mushy mess of white goop.

Pulling himself up – with some difficulty, the goop being quite sticky – Sirius glances around and takes in the sight of many agitated elves. 'Er,' he says, which is the most intelligent thing he can manage at the time. 'Er … Remus!'

'Sirius?' calls Remus' voice from some unknown area of the kitchen. 'Where are you?'

'Next to the door,' answers Sirius. 'Where are you?'

Remus hesitates. 'I – um … well. Just … stay still. I'll come pull you out.'

There is a fair bit of grunting that originates from a place out of sight, followed by a rather high-pitched yelp. What comes next is a surprised 'ow!' and a great amount of disgruntled cursing.

'You're rather reminding me of that hole we found ourselves in while we were making the Map. Last Christmas, remember? Not one of our finer moments, that.' The only answer he receives is more cursing and he shakes his head. 'Can you even pull yourself out?' asks Sirius. A low mumble meets his ears, but it's too muffled to understand. 'Should I find you, instead?' Sirius interprets the next mumble as acquiescence and begins making his slow way to where the noises had originated.

When he finds Remus, the other boy is halfway buried in a mound of goop. With great effort, Sirius frees the rest of Remus' body and carefully leads him to safety. Once there, Sirius turns and examines Remus' goop covered form.

'What is this?' he asks, plucking a piece of goop from Remus' hair and rolling it between his fingers.

Remus begins to pick more pieces from his clothing as Sirius does the same to his own hair, a look of disgust forming on his face. 'It was supposed to be bread,' explains Remus distractedly. 'I was trying it the Muggle way. It sort of … exploded.'

Sirius snorts. 'I'm beginning to understand your potions abilities more.'

Remus glances up at him with raised eyebrows. 'I'm fairly positive this wasn't entirely my fault,' he says. 'James was here earlier. He was hacked off that all I was making was bread.'

'Ah,' says Sirius, humming to himself. 'Well, that explains his smugness in the common room.' Remus huffs and curses his friend as Sirius grins. 'Why did you try it on your own? I asked Lily to help us.'

'What?' yelps Remus, pulling a large amount of hair out in the process. Sirius winces. 'Lily's coming down here? Why would you do that?'

Sirius' mouth gapes open in shock. 'Wha – ? I thought we agreed yesterday. We need her help.'

'And I thought we were going to discuss it more!' shrieks Remus, furiously scraping at the white goop coating his arms.

'What's wrong with Lily?' demands Sirius. 'I like her, you like her. Everyone likes Lily!'

'I never said – '

'What have you two been doing?' cries Lily's voice from the door.

Sirius provides Remus with another curious glance before he slowly wades through the mess until Lily is within his sight, offering a small, somewhat charming smile to the girl. 'Erm … cooking?'

Lily releases a depressingly weak whimper. 'Merlin, help me,' she whispers before bravely venturing in to the mess and over to where the two boys stand. 'Hello, Remus.'

Remus swallows. 'Lily,' he says, briefly meeting her eyes before glancing away. He quickly wades back over to the counter, slings his goop-covered bag over his still goop-covered shoulder, and makes his way towards the door, calling behind him, 'I'll see you later, Pads.'

'Remus – ' tries Sirius, but the boy is gone before the name has even left his lips. He turns to Lily, a frown forming on his mouth. 'Did something happen between the two of you?'

Lily offers a small smile. 'Of course not,' she refutes. 'Come along, Sirius. Let's clean up this mess. It'll be wonderful practise for your household charms.'

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There is something odd happening between Remus and Lily; of this much Sirius is certain. Lily has been helping for three days, and Sirius has convinced Remus to stay for two of those days. Halfway through their lesson today, Lily asked Remus for a word in private and pulled him off to the far side of the kitchen. They've been discussing things for ten minutes now, and Sirius is both bored and immensely curious, two things that are not the most ideal combination.

He catches snippets of their conversation from time to time; words that escape when one forgets to whisper and that the other immediately shushes. This doesn't appease Sirius' curiosity, because what he hears is just as confusing as the entire situation.

'I simply don't understand why you … '

'Lily, is this really the most ideal … ?'

'Please, Remus … explain … like … '

' … never like that.'

This continues for another five minutes, and Sirius eventually tunes them out, assuming that if Remus discovers he is eavesdropping, Padfoot wouldn't make it through the next full moon safely. Sirius is startled from his dazed state by Lily storming from the kitchen and slamming the portrait in her wake. Sirius looks to Remus for an answer as the other boy walks toward him.

When Remus offers nothing by way of explanation, Sirius huffs in frustration and bites out, 'Enough's enough, Remus. What is the matter with you two?'

Remus idly stirs a wooden spoon around a bowl. 'I don't want to talk about it right now, Padfoot,' he murmurs.

'Yeah? Well I do. Whatever this –' Sirius motions violently between Remus and the door. ' – is, it has got to – '

'Not now, Sirius!' snaps Remus, slamming the spoon down on the counter and imitating Lily's exit from the room.

Sirius releases a growl of agitation and calls, 'Tibby?'

'Yes, Sirius Black, sir?' replies Tibby, immediately at Sirius' side.

Sirius provides the elf with a wry smile. 'You lot wouldn't happen to have any Firewhiskey stashed in here, would you?'

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Sirius is laying upon the common room sofa, nursing a colossal headache, when James barrels into the room, anger seeping through his veins.

'Where's Remus?' he bellows down at Sirius.

Sirius grimaces and swats weakly in the direction of James' face. 'Merlin, Prongs. Are you trying to kill me? Go 'way.'

Peter crosses the room and is at James' side in an instant. 'Calm down, James!' he yells.

James grabs Sirius' collar and pulls him halfway off the sofa. 'Where is he?' he roars.

'Has everyone gone barmy?' Sirius shouts back.

'What is going on down here?' cries Remus, emerging from the dormitory staircase. Sirius growls in irritation for the second time that day.

'You!' barks James, lunging at Remus. 'Why did you tell my girlfriend she wasn't attractive?'

Remus gawks at his friend. 'I – What?' he squeaks in surprise.

James balls Remus' shirt up in his fist. 'You told Lily she wasn't attractive,' accuses James. 'She's been crying her eyes out for hours.'

'James, I told Lily no such thing,' says Remus, raising his hands for peace. 'Why would I do something like that?'

'Bollocks,' huffs James. 'Why would she lie to me?'

Remus sighs. 'She must have misinterpreted me, James. I told her I wasn't attracted to her, not that she wasn't attractive to anyone else.'

'And why the bloody hell not?' cries James indignantly. 'Lily's an attractive bird.'

'D'you think that now she's your girlfriend and all, you should maybe stop calling her a bird?' suggests Peter. James ignores him. Hanging over the back of the sofa, watching the encounter unfold, Sirius silently agrees, but says nothing, choosing to watch Remus instead. The boy is beginning to panic and Sirius doesn't know how to help him.

Remus swallows. 'She's … not my type,' he answers vaguely.

'You've got a type?' asks Peter, surprised. 'First we're hearing of it.'

'Yeah, what is it?' says James eagerly, all thoughts of Lily forgotten in light of this new revelation.

Remus fidgets nervously, looking between his two friends as though hoping to find a valid answer written on their faces. 'I … It's, um – '

'Me,' interjects Sirius, walking up behind Remus and wrapping his arms around the boy's waist. 'I'm his type.' Remus places a shaky hand on Sirius' as Sirius stares at his two friends defiantly, waiting for their oncoming outrage.

He need not have worried, however, for both James and Peter are both so shocked that neither even possesses the ability to close their mouths. Remus immediately takes the opportunity to retreat through the portrait hole. Sirius waits a few more minutes, allowing his friends time to work through their surprise. When five minutes have passed and still nothing has been said, Sirius leaves the common room as well, setting off in search of Remus.

He finds the werewolf in the library, nestled on a window seat overlooking the castle's dark grounds. Sirius silently squeezes himself between Remus' back and the wall and wraps his legs securely around Remus. He rests his chin against Remus' shoulder and inhales the boy's scent.

'Well, that went better than expected,' murmurs Sirius, the slightest amount of humour touching his words. Remus remains silent and Sirius sighs. 'Remus – '

'That wasn't how it was supposed to happen, Sirius,' whispers Remus. 'We were supposed to ease them into the idea.'

Sirius presses his lips against the crook of Remus' neck. 'They'll adjust,' he assures. 'And if they don't, who needs them, yeah?' Remus turns his head slightly to look at Sirius with sad eyes. Sirius rests his forehead against the side of Remus' head, his lips now brushing over the boy's ear. 'They'll adjust,' he whispers.

They sit in silence for a long while, watching the waxing moon as it rises in the dark sky. Sirius would be happy to stay like this for the rest of their lives, and he has a strong suspicion Remus would too, but Sirius has a few questions he'd like answers to first.

'Want to tell me about Lily?' he finally asks softly.

Remus sighs. 'Not really,' he says wearily. Sirius waits and eventually, Remus begins. 'Lily … likes me, or she did before James. I never returned her affections, or explained why, and that's really all she wanted. I just … couldn't and she didn't understand.' Remus heaves another sigh and Sirius presses his nose into the crook of Remus' neck again. 'I started avoiding her, something that became much more difficult after she started seeing James. I despised it, but she's very bright, and I knew the more time she spent around me, the easier it would be for her to figure it out. She finally cornered me in the kitchen and … well, you know the rest.' Remus stops and stares out the window in silence, but Sirius remains silent, sensing there's something else Remus wishes to say. 'Do you think she'll be upset?' he finally whispers.

Sirius smiles against Remus' warm skin. 'No, I don't,' he answers. 'Not if all she wanted was an explanation. I have a feeling she's more relieved than anything. And Remus?' Remus shifts his gaze to meet Sirius'. 'You know Lils will accept you more quickly than anyone else.'

Remus inhales a deep breath and finally smiles. 'Yeah,' he breathes.

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They're back in the kitchen, and surprisingly, Remus actually learned a few things from Lily. He's managed to bake an entire cake the Muggle way without exploding it in either of their faces and is now working on his second. He'll have enough chocolate substances to last at least a week.

Sirius, however, is a completely different story. He learned no more from Lily than he did from Remus and is back to his old distracted self. This time the distraction is solely one Remus J. Lupin and not the house elves, Sirius no longer caring about being cautious for fear of being caught. Remus is snickering and trying to wiggle out of reach from Sirius' tickling fingers without dropping his bowl of batter when they hear the soft sound of a throat being cleared behind their backs.

Both boys spin around quickly in surprise, Sirius with a devilish grin still in place and Remus gaining a large splash of chocolate on his cheek. Sirius' grin drops from his face when he sees who it is, noticing how Remus' grip tightens around the bowl.

'Hello, boys,' greets Lily serenely. 'Having fun?'

'Erm,' says Sirius when Remus doesn't reply. 'We … well, yeah.'

Lily smiles. 'Good,' she says. Her gaze moves to Remus and they stare at one another for what Sirius swears is a full ten minutes. Lily finally breaks the silence, hands moving to rest on her hips as she blows a strand dark red hair from her eyes. 'You could've just told me, you know.'

Remus' grip loosens as he smiles at her. 'I know,' he murmurs.

'Sirius,' she says, commanding his attention. Her eyes shift between him and the chocolate smear on Remus' cheek. 'This isn't any kind of state in which to leave your kitchen.' With a wink, Lily turns and leaves the room.

The moment she's gone, Remus exhales a gigantic breath of air and leans back against the counter, shoulders sagging with relief. 'One down, two to go,' he murmurs, but more lightheartedly than he would have minutes before.

'Well,' says Sirius, moving closer to Remus, 'since there's nothing we can do about those two now, I say we take Lily's advice and clean up some of this mess.' He smirks as he leans in to lick the chocolate from Remus' cheek, running a slow trail down the boy's neck to suck at his clavicle.

Remus smiles into Sirius' hair and sighs. 'It's going too fast, Pads,' he whispers.

Sirius pulls away and looks at Remus in confusion. 'What is?' he asks.

Remus dips a finger into the chocolate and swirls it around, his smile turning sad. 'Us. This. All of it. We're growing up, finally. We've barely got a handful of months left before we're going to be tossed out into the world on our arses, fighting to get jobs, fighting a war, fighting to start some semblance of a life. Sometimes it's just too much, but … I don't know how to stop growing up.'

Sirius rests his forehead against Remus', his hand dipping into the chocolate to join the other boy's. He meets Remus' eyes and presses a gentle kiss to his lips before whispering, 'I do.'

He pulls away quickly and in the same instant, slings chocolate batter across Remus' face. Remus' mouth gapes open, chocolate dripping over his lips. He snaps them closed, tongue snaking out to lick away everything that's within reach.

'Not bad,' he remarks before he scoops up a handful of chocolate and throws it at Sirius.

'My hair!' shrieks Sirius, gripping the soiled locks in equally soiled hands. Remus cackles and takes the opportunity to reload. 'No you don't!' shouts Sirius, leaping for the bowl and dumping what's left over Remus' head.

Remus splutters as Sirius laughingly races across the kitchen to find something else with which to battle. He returns with a cream-coloured pudding, Remus having refilled his bowl with a batter-like substance with his wand.

Just as they're getting back into the thick of things, a voice interrupts their skirmish. 'Oi! What's this, then?' demands Peter.

Sirius and Remus freeze mid-throw, wiping goop from their eyes to better see their friends.

'Looks like bad things to me, Wormtail,' states James, expressionless face focused on the two food-covered boys, hands clasped behind his back. Remus and Sirius look at one another in unease. 'Terrible things. Things that are not approved of in this school, especially by McGonagall and Filch.' With two matching grins, James and Peter pull leftover Christmas puddings of all different colours and consistencies from behind their backs. Without allowing Sirius and Remus any time to process what has transpired, Peter and James take their first shots and the battle has recommenced.

As James and Peter place each of them in a headlock and hammer them with shot after shot, Sirius can't help but seek out a view of Remus and smile. Maybe they can't stop themselves from growing up, but that doesn't mean they ever have to stop acting like children when it matters most.

Comments

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

Lovely read. Like others, i thought the gentle growing up theme was really nice. I liked how full all the supporting characters were as well.