Fic: Integrated for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
knowmefirst
Dec. 1st, 2012 11:46 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
kingzgurl.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
small_giftsTitle: Integrated
Author/Artist:kingzgurl
Recipient:knowmefirst
Rating: PG
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *Sirius died in OotP*
Word count: 1,600
Summary: In the post-Deathly Hallows world, Sirius still finds a way to look after Remus and Teddy.
Notes: Slight-AU, Remus survives DH but Andromeda was killed. This fic took a drastic change from my original intention because I’ve been struggling with writing smut in any form lately (which is just tragic to be honest), but I hope you still like it!
***
“An integrated life is one where you're able to fit the different pieces of your life together in seamless fashion.”
***
If Sirius had been able to sleep like a normal person, he never would have known that Remus’ bedroom light was on night after night. In fact, he only noticed because he had developed the habit of wandering the house in the earliest hours of the morning when there was nothing better to do.
During the day his condition was easier to manage. There were always places to be, people to see, Harry to protect. And Remus. He always protected Remus. Then the war ended, Harry won, and Sirius cheered and wondered if it was finally his time to move on from this strange existence. But then the next day came, and the one after that, and Sirius continued to walk among the living, though he himself was not one of them.
One day he had woken up in Grimmauld Place, not right after the incident with the veil because it was obvious by the extra lines around Remus’ eyes that some time had passed, but suddenly one day he was just there again. The first few days were incredibly difficult to adjust to and understand what had happened, because he was solid enough to interact with the world, but invisible to everyone and everything. On occasion a cat would hiss and move around him, and he had to be careful not to accidentally walk through or into anyone because neither was a pleasant experience, but beyond that, he just was. He existed somehow, but even he didn’t understand it.
After the war ended and everyone went on with their lives, Sirius faltered because he realized he didn’t have a purpose any longer. Eventually, however, he found himself in the one place he could always go when didn’t have a home to go to: Remus’ doorstep. He slipped into the familiar cottage where he had lived after Hogwarts and again after he escaped from Azkaban, and discovered that the world had been turned on its head while he watched as Remus struggled with fatherhood and a tiny baby.
The first few days he was there, Sirius slowly picked up around the cottage because there was nothing else for him to do. He started with the little things that Remus wouldn’t notice, doing the washing one or two cups and forks at a time or putting discarded clothing into the hamper. He did his best to be helpful because he didn’t know how else to be now.
Sirius had never lived with a two-month old baby, so he had never realized just how much time they required or mess they created, but those first days gave him a crash course in everything he had never thought too much about. Remus was constantly busy with Teddy, feeding him, changing him, trying to put him down for a nap… frankly it surprised him that Remus was still functioning because it didn’t seem he slept at all.
And then Sirius noticed that Remus’ light was on throughout the night. He had been respectful of his friend’s privacy and stayed out of his bedroom for the most part, but he knew Remus shared the room with Teddy so he could hear if the baby woke during the night. For a week Sirius paced the length of the hallway, restless and trying to figure out what to do, and every night the light turned on just after two and stayed on for the rest of the night. Beyond the door Sirius heard nothing, but he didn’t expect to with silence wards around the room.
By the end of the week, Sirius figured Remus hadn’t slept more than an hour or two a day since he’d got there. His friend seemed to struggle with the simplest tasks because he was just too tired to even lift his wand, and Sirius decided that he needed to do something soon. He didn’t know a lot about babies, but he had a little experience and he watched Remus enough that he figured he could manage, so that night he slipped into the bedroom ahead of his friend and sat in the corner chair as Remus got Teddy into his crib and all but collapsed onto his bed in exhaustion.
Both Teddy and Remus slept soundly for a few hours, during which Sirius tried to contain his restlessness. He had, admittedly, taken a small risk to pull back the covers and tuck Remus in, but after that he had nothing more to do. For a long while he just watched his friend sleep, which might have been creepy once, but after a few minutes Sirius discovered that sleep was still the only time of the day that Remus’ eyes lost the lines around them as he finally relaxed.
He lost track of the time while he watched Remus, until soft sounds of distress alerted him that Teddy had woken up. “Sshhh,” Sirius whispered when he turned to the baby. He moved beside the crib, silently hoping Remus wouldn’t wake up, and carefully lifted Teddy to rest against his chest. It would be impossible to explain what was happening if Remus opened his eyes to find Teddy floating mid-air.
The baby quieted when he rested against Sirius’ chest, clearly unperturbed about being held by an invisible stranger, which was a huge relief. He had thought it would be weird to carry Teddy, but as he walked around the room a few times whispering softly to the child who had fallen quiet in his arms, he realized it reminded him a lot of when Harry had been that young.
“I remember when your godfather was your age,” Sirius murmured softly and made his way to stand at the window. “I bought him so many toys that your Auntie Lily shouted at me. He couldn’t play with most of them though… he was too little, like you are.”
Sirius smiled at Teddy’s reflection in the glass. He own reflection wasn’t there, of course, but he could see the baby sleeping peacefully. Sirius had loved visiting the Potter’s house to see his friends and baby Harry. Playtime was always fun when Harry was awake and alert, but Sirius favored a late afternoon visit, when Lily and James were exhausted and little Harry struggled with going down for his nap. By then the adults needed a nap of their own so it gave Sirius a lot of time alone with his godson, walking him around his room and telling him all about Hogwarts and the Marauders famous exploits.
He hadn’t thought about those days in a long time. Sirius had buried the memories deep while he was in Azkaban, so deeply that he never thought of them again until the first night he held Teddy close and soothed him back to sleep. Wrapped in warm memories of friends and love, and with the warm weight of the sleeping child in his arms, the rest of the night passed quickly.
As the first light of dawn touched the window, Sirius returned Teddy to his crib and slipped out of the room. Remus had a full, peaceful night of sleep. Mission accomplished.
***
Remus blinked sleepily, too tired to comprehend that he had woken because of the sun in his eyes and not Teddy’s crying. He turned over, putting his back to the window to hide from the morning light, and looked carefully at the crib in front of him. He could see Teddy breathing so he had no reason to panic, but he didn’t understand. Every night since he had brought Teddy home from the Weasley’s he had woken up screaming and wouldn’t settle down. Why hadn’t he cried that night?
And why was he under the blankets of his own bed? Remus didn’t remember making the effort before he fell asleep last night. Nor did he remember removing his shoes, which were put away neatly in the bottom of the wardrobe, something he rarely bothered to do anymore. Remus had always been neat and tidy, but lately he just couldn’t make the effort. Confused but sleepy, he yawned and burrowed into his pillow, enjoying the peacefulness of the early morning as he fell back to sleep for a few hours.
***
By the time Remus emerged from his bedroom with Teddy it was after eight o’clock and Sirius did a victory dance because they’d slept another three hours after he’d left. Teddy giggled and cooed happily, his eyes focused on Sirius’ silly dance while his head rested on Remus’ shoulder, and completely dumbfounded the older man. It would figure that the only person who could see him was an infant who couldn’t talk back to him!
But how? Sirius was fairly certain Remus still couldn’t see him; he hadn’t reacted to Sirius sprawled on the couch anyway. He decided to test it and went into the kitchen to sit across from Remus’ normal seat, but Remus barely glanced in his direction before his attention was back on his own tea and feeding Teddy. The dark-haired man sighed when he realized Remus still had no sense of his presence.
“I’m glad you finally slept through the night,” Remus smiled at the child in his arms and tapped him fondly on the nose. “I needed it as much as you did. Let’s try to do that again tonight, alright?”
Teddy just sucked on his bottle without a care in the world, and Sirius, though disappointed that his situation hadn’t changed miraculously overnight, smiled. He had a purpose again, and maybe, just maybe, it would work out the best for everyone this time.
Author/Artist:
kingzgurlRecipient:
knowmefirstRating: PG
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *Sirius died in OotP*
Word count: 1,600
Summary: In the post-Deathly Hallows world, Sirius still finds a way to look after Remus and Teddy.
Notes: Slight-AU, Remus survives DH but Andromeda was killed. This fic took a drastic change from my original intention because I’ve been struggling with writing smut in any form lately (which is just tragic to be honest), but I hope you still like it!
***
***
If Sirius had been able to sleep like a normal person, he never would have known that Remus’ bedroom light was on night after night. In fact, he only noticed because he had developed the habit of wandering the house in the earliest hours of the morning when there was nothing better to do.
During the day his condition was easier to manage. There were always places to be, people to see, Harry to protect. And Remus. He always protected Remus. Then the war ended, Harry won, and Sirius cheered and wondered if it was finally his time to move on from this strange existence. But then the next day came, and the one after that, and Sirius continued to walk among the living, though he himself was not one of them.
One day he had woken up in Grimmauld Place, not right after the incident with the veil because it was obvious by the extra lines around Remus’ eyes that some time had passed, but suddenly one day he was just there again. The first few days were incredibly difficult to adjust to and understand what had happened, because he was solid enough to interact with the world, but invisible to everyone and everything. On occasion a cat would hiss and move around him, and he had to be careful not to accidentally walk through or into anyone because neither was a pleasant experience, but beyond that, he just was. He existed somehow, but even he didn’t understand it.
After the war ended and everyone went on with their lives, Sirius faltered because he realized he didn’t have a purpose any longer. Eventually, however, he found himself in the one place he could always go when didn’t have a home to go to: Remus’ doorstep. He slipped into the familiar cottage where he had lived after Hogwarts and again after he escaped from Azkaban, and discovered that the world had been turned on its head while he watched as Remus struggled with fatherhood and a tiny baby.
The first few days he was there, Sirius slowly picked up around the cottage because there was nothing else for him to do. He started with the little things that Remus wouldn’t notice, doing the washing one or two cups and forks at a time or putting discarded clothing into the hamper. He did his best to be helpful because he didn’t know how else to be now.
Sirius had never lived with a two-month old baby, so he had never realized just how much time they required or mess they created, but those first days gave him a crash course in everything he had never thought too much about. Remus was constantly busy with Teddy, feeding him, changing him, trying to put him down for a nap… frankly it surprised him that Remus was still functioning because it didn’t seem he slept at all.
And then Sirius noticed that Remus’ light was on throughout the night. He had been respectful of his friend’s privacy and stayed out of his bedroom for the most part, but he knew Remus shared the room with Teddy so he could hear if the baby woke during the night. For a week Sirius paced the length of the hallway, restless and trying to figure out what to do, and every night the light turned on just after two and stayed on for the rest of the night. Beyond the door Sirius heard nothing, but he didn’t expect to with silence wards around the room.
By the end of the week, Sirius figured Remus hadn’t slept more than an hour or two a day since he’d got there. His friend seemed to struggle with the simplest tasks because he was just too tired to even lift his wand, and Sirius decided that he needed to do something soon. He didn’t know a lot about babies, but he had a little experience and he watched Remus enough that he figured he could manage, so that night he slipped into the bedroom ahead of his friend and sat in the corner chair as Remus got Teddy into his crib and all but collapsed onto his bed in exhaustion.
Both Teddy and Remus slept soundly for a few hours, during which Sirius tried to contain his restlessness. He had, admittedly, taken a small risk to pull back the covers and tuck Remus in, but after that he had nothing more to do. For a long while he just watched his friend sleep, which might have been creepy once, but after a few minutes Sirius discovered that sleep was still the only time of the day that Remus’ eyes lost the lines around them as he finally relaxed.
He lost track of the time while he watched Remus, until soft sounds of distress alerted him that Teddy had woken up. “Sshhh,” Sirius whispered when he turned to the baby. He moved beside the crib, silently hoping Remus wouldn’t wake up, and carefully lifted Teddy to rest against his chest. It would be impossible to explain what was happening if Remus opened his eyes to find Teddy floating mid-air.
The baby quieted when he rested against Sirius’ chest, clearly unperturbed about being held by an invisible stranger, which was a huge relief. He had thought it would be weird to carry Teddy, but as he walked around the room a few times whispering softly to the child who had fallen quiet in his arms, he realized it reminded him a lot of when Harry had been that young.
“I remember when your godfather was your age,” Sirius murmured softly and made his way to stand at the window. “I bought him so many toys that your Auntie Lily shouted at me. He couldn’t play with most of them though… he was too little, like you are.”
Sirius smiled at Teddy’s reflection in the glass. He own reflection wasn’t there, of course, but he could see the baby sleeping peacefully. Sirius had loved visiting the Potter’s house to see his friends and baby Harry. Playtime was always fun when Harry was awake and alert, but Sirius favored a late afternoon visit, when Lily and James were exhausted and little Harry struggled with going down for his nap. By then the adults needed a nap of their own so it gave Sirius a lot of time alone with his godson, walking him around his room and telling him all about Hogwarts and the Marauders famous exploits.
He hadn’t thought about those days in a long time. Sirius had buried the memories deep while he was in Azkaban, so deeply that he never thought of them again until the first night he held Teddy close and soothed him back to sleep. Wrapped in warm memories of friends and love, and with the warm weight of the sleeping child in his arms, the rest of the night passed quickly.
As the first light of dawn touched the window, Sirius returned Teddy to his crib and slipped out of the room. Remus had a full, peaceful night of sleep. Mission accomplished.
***
Remus blinked sleepily, too tired to comprehend that he had woken because of the sun in his eyes and not Teddy’s crying. He turned over, putting his back to the window to hide from the morning light, and looked carefully at the crib in front of him. He could see Teddy breathing so he had no reason to panic, but he didn’t understand. Every night since he had brought Teddy home from the Weasley’s he had woken up screaming and wouldn’t settle down. Why hadn’t he cried that night?
And why was he under the blankets of his own bed? Remus didn’t remember making the effort before he fell asleep last night. Nor did he remember removing his shoes, which were put away neatly in the bottom of the wardrobe, something he rarely bothered to do anymore. Remus had always been neat and tidy, but lately he just couldn’t make the effort. Confused but sleepy, he yawned and burrowed into his pillow, enjoying the peacefulness of the early morning as he fell back to sleep for a few hours.
***
By the time Remus emerged from his bedroom with Teddy it was after eight o’clock and Sirius did a victory dance because they’d slept another three hours after he’d left. Teddy giggled and cooed happily, his eyes focused on Sirius’ silly dance while his head rested on Remus’ shoulder, and completely dumbfounded the older man. It would figure that the only person who could see him was an infant who couldn’t talk back to him!
But how? Sirius was fairly certain Remus still couldn’t see him; he hadn’t reacted to Sirius sprawled on the couch anyway. He decided to test it and went into the kitchen to sit across from Remus’ normal seat, but Remus barely glanced in his direction before his attention was back on his own tea and feeding Teddy. The dark-haired man sighed when he realized Remus still had no sense of his presence.
“I’m glad you finally slept through the night,” Remus smiled at the child in his arms and tapped him fondly on the nose. “I needed it as much as you did. Let’s try to do that again tonight, alright?”
Teddy just sucked on his bottle without a care in the world, and Sirius, though disappointed that his situation hadn’t changed miraculously overnight, smiled. He had a purpose again, and maybe, just maybe, it would work out the best for everyone this time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-12-19 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-19 07:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-19 08:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 11:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-19 12:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-19 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 04:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 04:32 am (UTC)Thanks so much for your comment! I was actually really nervous about posting this one, since playing with the supernatural idea is not something I've ever tried before, and I didn't want Sirius to be TOO out of character. It makes me really excited to know that it came across well :)
no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 09:49 pm (UTC)I have a strange weakness for the all-too-rare genre of ghost!Sirius fics (and have even written one myself), but this one was especially good. I've read several novels and even watched movies with that theme of sentient ghosts who need a purpose, and have always enjoyed them, but you applied this so beautifully to our ship that I just had to read this again and again.
Poor Sirius. After the war ended and everyone went on with their lives, Sirius faltered because he realized he didn’t have a purpose any longer. Eventually, however, he found himself in the one place he could always go when didn’t have a home to go to: Remus’ doorstep. He slipped into the familiar cottage where he had lived after Hogwarts and again after he escaped from Azkaban, and discovered that the world had been turned on its head while he watched as Remus struggled with fatherhood and a tiny baby. I can totally feel for him, here.
But the simplicity of his desire of helping others sleep - something he, himself, is denies was poignant and gorgeous. Sirius was gorgeous here, beautiful inside and out.
This was poetic and lovely and very well-crafted.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-22 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 07:00 am (UTC)Thank you for my lovely gift, you have no idea how much I loved it. I love the way you described the scene Sirius just there looking, touching, feeling, but not seen. I love the way he was part of Remus and Teddy and how Teddy was the only one that could see him. From beginning to end I didn't know if to cry or smile at the tenderness in this piece.
Thank you for a magnificent gift. I appreciate it very much ♥
no subject
Date: 2013-01-08 05:38 am (UTC)Really well done. I really enjoyed it<3