Fic: Little Baked Goods for xkeijukainenx
Jan. 5th, 2011 11:33 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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small_giftsTitle: Little Baked Goods
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
protegonox
Recipient:xkeijukainenx
Rating: PG-13
Highlight for Warnings: *none*
Word Count: just a little over 3000
Summary: Remus eats to live, but a chance encounter with a baker makes him want to live to eat.
Author's notes: Happy Holidays to all! I hope this is what you were looking for when you posted your prompt. A bucket of thanks tomindabbles who stuck with me over the past month to get this posted despite it being Christmas. <3 Better late than never, I always say!
The first time Remus walks by the bakery, he stops in his tracks as he gets a whiff of the most delicious smell. Unable to stop himself, he follows his nose inside and immediately feels warmth seeping through his damp coat and filling his lungs with the warm smell of baking bread. The bakery is well-lighted, decorated in shades of red and gold. Funnily enough, the hanging lion behind the counter looks a lot like the lion from the Gryffindor crest Remus had studied in Hogwarts: A History.
There were many townspeople bustling around him, talking amongst themselves and making purchases. They make him feel a little like he is on the outside looking in. He is used to the feeling as he has always been the stranger in little towns, but that does not make it pleasant. He drowns the sound of their chatter out as he is drawn to the glass display, where the most delicious looking brioches, bagels and buns call to him. He bends forward to get a closer look, his nose almost touching the glass.
"Can I help you with anything?"
Remus looks up, startled, and sees a man looking back at him. Covered in flour, his black hair is tied in a loose ponytail, the shorter flyaway hairs framing his aristocratic features. Remus keeps staring, so surprised by the man's grey eyes he doesn't notice when the corner of said eyes crinkle in amusement. Remus straightens, standing tall.
"Hello," the man says, grinning.
"Um, hello," replies Remus, who instantly wants to smack himself on the forehead. Was that really the best reply he could do? He knows he hasn't had much practice speaking with strangers – most tend to avoid him like the plague, either because he is a stranger or because of what he is – but after the first impression he got of the man behind the counter, he wanted to give a good first impression as well. It's ruined, he thinks. The first impression is always the most important one for Remus because he rarely gets a chance for more than one.
"See anything you like?" the man asks teasingly when Remus can't stop staring at him. He can't help it; he is mesmerized by the man's clear grey eyes. He wants to respond with a confident 'why yes, yes I do' and give this man the sultriest look he can manage, but Remus has never been nor will ever be that forward. He flushes.
He glances down and names the first thing he sees. "The cheese buns?" Remus blurts. He means to say it confidently, maybe throw in a little wink, but it comes out like a question and Remus hopes the ground will swallow him whole.
The man has a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Are you sure?" he says, as though he knows how embarrassed Remus is getting and wants to stretch Remus's humiliation out as long as possible. "Because if I may, I'd suggest the bagels over here," he continues, gesturing to a variety of tasty-looking bagels, "especially the sesame seed ones, although the onion bagels are delicious with cream cheese."
"Alright then," Remus agrees, if only to keep the man's attention a little bit longer.
"Alright then!" exclaims the man, clapping his hands once. He opens a paper bag and looks back at Remus. "What kind will it be?"
"Um, three of each should be good, I think," Remus says hesitantly. He puts one hand in his pocket, testing to see if he has enough. The rest of the week might be tight, and that copy of The Three Musketeers might have to wait, but at least he will have a bagel for each day of the week until he gets paid again on Saturday night.
"Coming right up." Remus puts the coins on the counter as the man puts three of each kind of bagel in the paper bag. He shushes Remus when Remus tries to protest at seeing an additional cheese bun in the bag.
"The bun's on the house," he winks as Remus leaves.
Remus eats the bun on his way home; the bun had been his original choice. Still hungry, however, he sits to eat a sesame bagel in his tiny kitchen. Unsurprisingly, the bagel was the better choice; while the cheese bun was very delicious, the bagel is heavier and much more satisfying than the fancy cheese bun.
That is how The Bread and Butter became Remus's favourite spot.
***
Over the following months, Remus visited the bakery every Sunday, when he could afford it. The reason he went Sundays was that it followed payday; Remus carefully stores the money he receives on Saturday nights to make his way to the bakery first thing the next morning. He always goes late enough that the baker has finished, well, baking and early enough that none of the other inhabitants have awoken. Remus wishes he could go more often, if only to see Sirius more – for that was the baker's name – but given his condition, he had trouble making ends meet some weeks, what with the different potions he had to buy to control the wolf on full moon nights.
Sometimes Sirius sticks extra treats in Remus's paper bag – cinnamon buns, chocolate croissants, brioches, éclairs and other fancy pastries Remus would never buy for himself because of their luxury – and Remus pretends he doesn't notice, but he does. As clichéd as it was, in spite of Remus's logical side, the way to his heart was through his stomach.
Sirius once let Remus watch as Sirius made the dough for the day's bread. Watching Sirius knead bread made Remus inexplicably aroused. Maybe it's the play of muscles beneath Sirius's black tee-shirt, the way Sirius bit his lip in concentration, or maybe even the small tantalizing bead of sweat falling from Sirius's temple, slowly making its way down Sirius's flushed face. When Remus went home that night, he was so hot and bothered he didn't tie up his coat or wear his mittens.
They talked about everything and nothing, like Remus's random jobs and Sirius's prized motorbike named Sally. Sirius is the legal guardian of a cute little black-haired boy called Harry, who is just learning to talk. He wobbles around the bakery, fawned over by most of the villagers who walk in. Remus is surprised when Harry takes a particular liking to him, often requesting to sit on Remus's lap when Remus stays to eat at the bakery. If it's not too busy, Sirius will come and join them at the table by the window.
The snow is starting to fall as Harry colours messily next to him while they eat ham sandwiches. Sirius comes to join them and looks out the window, watching Christmas shoppers walk by his bakery.
"Christmas always comes too quickly for my liking," Sirius says. "I never see it coming until it's already here."
Remus never really celebrates Christmas. The only people he celebrated with were his parents and they died years ago. "I never pay much attention to it," he shrugs, though he's lying. He loved Christmas, once upon a time, when his parents were alive to receive his carefully-wrapped presents.
"Now that's tragic," Sirius jokes, lifting his steaming mug of black coffee to his lips. "I haven't even thought of what to get you!"
Remus is warmed from head to toe to find out Sirius considers them close enough friends to want to get him something. "Anything you'll think of will be fine," he reassures him as he rubs his hands together to warm them up. He thinks about trying to dissuade Sirius from getting him anything, but he is curious as to what Sirius will give him.
Sirius looks down at his hands thoughtfully. "I probably will," he says cheekily. "I'm that amazing."
"What about you? Anything on your wish list this year?" Remus asks, hoping it's something he could afford.
"Haven't really given it much thought," replies Sirius. "I'll keep you posted."
They grin at each other and Harry tugs on Remus's sleeve to get his attention. Remus has never known anyone like he is getting to know Sirius. This village is the fifth village he moved to in the past year alone; being a werewolf and not having a Hogwarts education makes it very difficult for Remus to find work or suitable living conditions.
He hopes against hope that he will never have to leave here because he knows he will be heartbroken when he does.
***
On the last Sunday before Christmas, Remus arrives at the bakery at quarter to eight on Sunday morning, as usual. The snow is just starting to cover the grounds, but it isn't thick enough to stick around. When he gets to the bakery though, he is perplexed at finding it closed. He didn't know Sirius was planning to close up shop this week. He certainly hadn't left any reminders, although the rest of the townspeople hadn't bothered to show up.
He tests the door but it isn't locked. He opens it and calls out, "Hello?" but all is silent. His hackles rise. He has never seen the bakery so cold, so devoid of life and laughter.
He steps inside cautiously, wand raised. He is more worried that Sirius is hurt than worried that Sirius finds out he is a wizard. He hears a loud 'clank!' in the direction of the kitchen. He walks around the counter, stepping lightly so as not to make any noise and pushes the kitchen door open, peering inside.
His heart drops to his stomach. Sirius is sitting on the big wood table in the centre of the room, his knee raised. There's a half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from one of his pale hands. He stares vacantly into the unlit fireplace, seeing something that isn't there, but what really hurts Remus is the look on Sirius's face.
Paler than usual, Sirius's skin is almost translucent. His lips are down turned, the corners of his mouth trembling His eyes are red, as though he just stopped crying. As Remus watches, debating whether to leave or to stay, Sirius lets out a shuddering sob and drops his head on his bent knees, curling his arms around them. That sob breaks Remus's resolve not to get involved and he walks in, softly knocking on the door to alert Sirius to his presence.
Sirius's head shoots up and he wipes frantically at his face as he gets off the table.
"Remus," he tries to say, but his voice breaks on the last syllable. He clears his voice and tries again. "Remus," he repeats.
Remus suddenly feels out of place. This isn't a place for an acquaintance to be. Remus realizes that Sirius is grieving for something, or someone, and that Remus has no right to intrude on him. "It- it was unlocked," he says, trying to excuse his behaviour. His treacherous face flushes a little. He hasn't felt this awkward since he was a teenager! There's just something about Sirius Black that turns Remus into a stumbling, fumbling mess.
"Oh," is all Sirius says, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans. He sniffs a little, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Remus tries to be disgusted, but can only find it adorable, as improper as it is to think so at this time. "I hadn't realized."
"Yes. It's- now you know," offers Remus, a too bright smile pasted on his face. He looks around, scrambling for another topic. "Where's Harry?" he asks, noticing how quiet it is in the bakery without the sound of Harry's stomping little feet. To his dismay, Sirius's blank mask starts to crumble.
"Gone to- to my cousin's place. My cousin Andromeda, for the weekend," Sirius explains haltingly, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.
Remus's mind is screaming at him to get out of there, to leave while his dignity is still intact. Sirius sounds choked up and Remus just wants to leave this awkward conversation behind him. "I, um, I'll lock up the shop now," Sirius says quickly, rushing past Remus, his head bowed.
On impulse, Remus's hand shoots forward of its own accord and lands on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius stops in his tracks.
"I-do you want to talk about it?" Remus asks, although he can only think, What are you doing? We do not want to talk about this with him!
Unfortunately the words have already been said and they can't be taken back. So Remus waits with baited breath for Sirius to say or do something. Just as Remus is about to retract his hand though, Sirius covers Remus's hand with his own.
Remus's heart flutters oddly and now his brain is sending him mixed signals. He doesn't even know what he's thinking anymore, so he decides to go with the flow for once. Sirius inhales shakily and starts to speak.
"Harry's parents died two years ago today," he says in a small voice, so unlike Sirius's usual voice that Remus barely recognizes it. "They were my best friends."
Remus squeezes Sirius's shoulder comfortingly and there are butterflies in his stomach as Sirius squeezes his hand in return.
"I can't look at Harry when the anniversary of their death comes up," he continues. "I feel so guilty, having known his parents when he barely even- he won't ever- argh!
"We were at a Christmas party that night. I was supposed to be sober, to drive us, Lily and James and Peter, back to the apartment we were sharing, but I fucked up. I had too much to drink and Peter offered, he offered to drive them back while I was- even though he was too high to- I don’t know why we took the fucking car, maybe to impress someone or for the fun of it, I can’t even fucking remember now. The car swerved into oncoming traffic and Peter, he jumped out in time, but he didn't warn Lily and James so they- they didn't-"
Sirius hides his face behind his longer hair. Remus tucks it behind his ear, trying to catch his eye but Sirius avoids him.
"Anyway now Harry lives with me. Peter- got caught doing illegal potions one too many times so now he's rotting away in-" Sirius's head lifts up suddenly but Remus already caught the slip. Sirius is definitely a wizard, or at least he knows of the wizarding world. Remus doesn't call him on it but stores the knowledge away to analyze later.
"-in prison," Sirius finishes lamely, trying to cover for his slip of the tongue.
Remus isn't quite sure what to say. He decides to be as honest as he can be. "We all have our baggage," he says honestly, thinking of his own hidden secrets.
Sirius laughs self-deprecatingly. "Not you, Remus," he says, turning to face Remus. "You're as straight-laced as they come."
Remus looks away and takes a step back, away from Sirius. "No, I'm not," he says quietly. Blood pounding in his ears, he undoes the top buttons from his shirt and pulls it off his shoulder, revealing his bite mark.
Sirius's eyes go wide and dart from the mark to Remus's face, but he says nothing, just stands there, mouth gaping, staring at Remus's grotesque disfiguration. Remus can tell Sirius knows exactly what the bite mark means and he waits to see what Sirius will say, but Sirius says nothing.
Remus turns around and leaves the shop, his stomach full of lead.
When he gets home, he starts to pack his few belongings, casting too-strong Accio's all over the place. He is just leaving when an owl taps against the dirty living room window.
Curious, though knowing he shouldn't dally, he opens the window and lets the bird in. Tied to its leg is a crumpled piece of parchment. He reads the hastily-written note:
Remus,
It explains a lot. Come by the bakery when you get the chance.
Sirius.
Well.
***
It takes Remus three days to get enough courage to go back to the bakery. He is afraid to face Sirius, afraid that it might be a trap so the Ministry can lock him up and register him. But in the short time he has known Sirius, he has learned to trust him, even when he’s driving at breakneck speed on his motorcycle. Besides, if Sirius had told the Ministry where to find him, he would already be locked up by now.
The weather is bitingly cold the night he makes his way out; Remus draws up the collar of his coat to keep his neck warm and stuffs his hands in his pockets. The whole village is decorated for Christmas; all lit up, wreaths hanging on almost every door. He passes a house with a Santa snowman on the front lawn.
He stands in front of The Bread and Butter for a few minutes, debating whether to go inside or not. There are no lights on inside and the sign is turned to 'closed'. He takes a chance and goes to open the door. After all, Sirius did instruct him to come by whenever he liked. To Remus's surprise, the bakery's door clicks open at his touch. He walks in to the dark bakery, wand hanging by his side in a firm grip. He is so used to running for his life, for his freedom, that drawing his wand at the slightest sign of trouble is second nature.
"Hey," says Sirius from behind the counter and Remus resists the instinct to raise his wand and cast an Obliviate. Sirius walks around the counter and puts his hands in his apron pockets.
"It was unlocked," Remus says, feeling like he has already lived this moment, but this time, his heart is beating nervously in anticipation. He counts the thuds it makes as it pounds against his ribcage. Onetwo, threefour, fivesix…
Sirius grins impishly. "I had the wards keyed to your signature," he explains.
"Oh," is all Remus says. It is all he can say because his mouth and lips are so dry. He licks at his lips in an attempt to stop them from drying, but they dry up again a few seconds later. Sirius has offered proof that he is indeed a wizard. Sirius is trusting him with the information. No one ever trusts Remus after knowing what he is.
Sirius takes a step forward, eyes steely in determination. "You asked me what I wanted for Christmas," he says, coming to stand in front of Remus.
"You told me you'd keep me posted," Remus remembers, voice dropping low. He fears it might break if he doesn't drop it to a whisper because he is so nervous. He surreptitiously wipes his palms on his pants.
Sirius wraps a hand around Remus's neck. "I figured it out," he whispers against Remus's chapped lips and presses his lips firmly against Remus's.
Remus doesn't have all the answers, nor does he know everything about Sirius, but for once he decides not to care. He doesn't need those answers to know he loves the feel of Sirius against him. He warps his arms around Sirius's body and pulls him closer. He pulls away when he starts getting overwhelmed.
"I don't really know you," he says, his eyes darting over Sirius's handsome face.
"You know enough," Sirius answers. "And what you don't know, I’ll teach you."
"You don't really know me," Remus tries, knowing he is sabotaging his own happiness, but he needs to make absolutely sure this is for real.
"I know enough," Sirius says firmly. "I know that you're an unregistered werewolf. From the scars on your face you hurt yourself every full moon and you're a terrible healer. You love chocolate éclairs but can't afford them because you can barely hold down a job due to your condition. Harry loves you, even though he rarely takes to strangers. I may not know everything there is to know about you, Remus Lupin, but I know enough to want to get to know you better."
Remus is speechless. He wasn't expecting such an honest declaration from Sirius, who tends to stick to jokes and gentle ribbing. For the first time since his parents were alive, Remus feels wanted and accepted. Like he finally belongs somewhere again.
"Stop running away," Sirius insists, keeping a firm grip on Remus, as though he is afraid Remus will disappear, which he might. Half of Remus still wants to bolt, running as far away as he can. "We can figure things out."
That is the last convincing Remus needs. He wants to stay here, close to Sirius and Harry, and maybe, just maybe, have a family again. "Okay," Remus agrees.
Sirius grins widely at him, like a child on Christmas morning. "Happy Christmas," he says against Remus's lips.
"Happy Christmas," Remus answers, kissing Sirius softly.
Author:
protegonoxRecipient:
xkeijukainenxRating: PG-13
Highlight for Warnings: *none*
Word Count: just a little over 3000
Summary: Remus eats to live, but a chance encounter with a baker makes him want to live to eat.
Author's notes: Happy Holidays to all! I hope this is what you were looking for when you posted your prompt. A bucket of thanks to
mindabbles who stuck with me over the past month to get this posted despite it being Christmas. <3 Better late than never, I always say!The first time Remus walks by the bakery, he stops in his tracks as he gets a whiff of the most delicious smell. Unable to stop himself, he follows his nose inside and immediately feels warmth seeping through his damp coat and filling his lungs with the warm smell of baking bread. The bakery is well-lighted, decorated in shades of red and gold. Funnily enough, the hanging lion behind the counter looks a lot like the lion from the Gryffindor crest Remus had studied in Hogwarts: A History.
There were many townspeople bustling around him, talking amongst themselves and making purchases. They make him feel a little like he is on the outside looking in. He is used to the feeling as he has always been the stranger in little towns, but that does not make it pleasant. He drowns the sound of their chatter out as he is drawn to the glass display, where the most delicious looking brioches, bagels and buns call to him. He bends forward to get a closer look, his nose almost touching the glass.
"Can I help you with anything?"
Remus looks up, startled, and sees a man looking back at him. Covered in flour, his black hair is tied in a loose ponytail, the shorter flyaway hairs framing his aristocratic features. Remus keeps staring, so surprised by the man's grey eyes he doesn't notice when the corner of said eyes crinkle in amusement. Remus straightens, standing tall.
"Hello," the man says, grinning.
"Um, hello," replies Remus, who instantly wants to smack himself on the forehead. Was that really the best reply he could do? He knows he hasn't had much practice speaking with strangers – most tend to avoid him like the plague, either because he is a stranger or because of what he is – but after the first impression he got of the man behind the counter, he wanted to give a good first impression as well. It's ruined, he thinks. The first impression is always the most important one for Remus because he rarely gets a chance for more than one.
"See anything you like?" the man asks teasingly when Remus can't stop staring at him. He can't help it; he is mesmerized by the man's clear grey eyes. He wants to respond with a confident 'why yes, yes I do' and give this man the sultriest look he can manage, but Remus has never been nor will ever be that forward. He flushes.
He glances down and names the first thing he sees. "The cheese buns?" Remus blurts. He means to say it confidently, maybe throw in a little wink, but it comes out like a question and Remus hopes the ground will swallow him whole.
The man has a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Are you sure?" he says, as though he knows how embarrassed Remus is getting and wants to stretch Remus's humiliation out as long as possible. "Because if I may, I'd suggest the bagels over here," he continues, gesturing to a variety of tasty-looking bagels, "especially the sesame seed ones, although the onion bagels are delicious with cream cheese."
"Alright then," Remus agrees, if only to keep the man's attention a little bit longer.
"Alright then!" exclaims the man, clapping his hands once. He opens a paper bag and looks back at Remus. "What kind will it be?"
"Um, three of each should be good, I think," Remus says hesitantly. He puts one hand in his pocket, testing to see if he has enough. The rest of the week might be tight, and that copy of The Three Musketeers might have to wait, but at least he will have a bagel for each day of the week until he gets paid again on Saturday night.
"Coming right up." Remus puts the coins on the counter as the man puts three of each kind of bagel in the paper bag. He shushes Remus when Remus tries to protest at seeing an additional cheese bun in the bag.
"The bun's on the house," he winks as Remus leaves.
Remus eats the bun on his way home; the bun had been his original choice. Still hungry, however, he sits to eat a sesame bagel in his tiny kitchen. Unsurprisingly, the bagel was the better choice; while the cheese bun was very delicious, the bagel is heavier and much more satisfying than the fancy cheese bun.
That is how The Bread and Butter became Remus's favourite spot.
***
Over the following months, Remus visited the bakery every Sunday, when he could afford it. The reason he went Sundays was that it followed payday; Remus carefully stores the money he receives on Saturday nights to make his way to the bakery first thing the next morning. He always goes late enough that the baker has finished, well, baking and early enough that none of the other inhabitants have awoken. Remus wishes he could go more often, if only to see Sirius more – for that was the baker's name – but given his condition, he had trouble making ends meet some weeks, what with the different potions he had to buy to control the wolf on full moon nights.
Sometimes Sirius sticks extra treats in Remus's paper bag – cinnamon buns, chocolate croissants, brioches, éclairs and other fancy pastries Remus would never buy for himself because of their luxury – and Remus pretends he doesn't notice, but he does. As clichéd as it was, in spite of Remus's logical side, the way to his heart was through his stomach.
Sirius once let Remus watch as Sirius made the dough for the day's bread. Watching Sirius knead bread made Remus inexplicably aroused. Maybe it's the play of muscles beneath Sirius's black tee-shirt, the way Sirius bit his lip in concentration, or maybe even the small tantalizing bead of sweat falling from Sirius's temple, slowly making its way down Sirius's flushed face. When Remus went home that night, he was so hot and bothered he didn't tie up his coat or wear his mittens.
They talked about everything and nothing, like Remus's random jobs and Sirius's prized motorbike named Sally. Sirius is the legal guardian of a cute little black-haired boy called Harry, who is just learning to talk. He wobbles around the bakery, fawned over by most of the villagers who walk in. Remus is surprised when Harry takes a particular liking to him, often requesting to sit on Remus's lap when Remus stays to eat at the bakery. If it's not too busy, Sirius will come and join them at the table by the window.
The snow is starting to fall as Harry colours messily next to him while they eat ham sandwiches. Sirius comes to join them and looks out the window, watching Christmas shoppers walk by his bakery.
"Christmas always comes too quickly for my liking," Sirius says. "I never see it coming until it's already here."
Remus never really celebrates Christmas. The only people he celebrated with were his parents and they died years ago. "I never pay much attention to it," he shrugs, though he's lying. He loved Christmas, once upon a time, when his parents were alive to receive his carefully-wrapped presents.
"Now that's tragic," Sirius jokes, lifting his steaming mug of black coffee to his lips. "I haven't even thought of what to get you!"
Remus is warmed from head to toe to find out Sirius considers them close enough friends to want to get him something. "Anything you'll think of will be fine," he reassures him as he rubs his hands together to warm them up. He thinks about trying to dissuade Sirius from getting him anything, but he is curious as to what Sirius will give him.
Sirius looks down at his hands thoughtfully. "I probably will," he says cheekily. "I'm that amazing."
"What about you? Anything on your wish list this year?" Remus asks, hoping it's something he could afford.
"Haven't really given it much thought," replies Sirius. "I'll keep you posted."
They grin at each other and Harry tugs on Remus's sleeve to get his attention. Remus has never known anyone like he is getting to know Sirius. This village is the fifth village he moved to in the past year alone; being a werewolf and not having a Hogwarts education makes it very difficult for Remus to find work or suitable living conditions.
He hopes against hope that he will never have to leave here because he knows he will be heartbroken when he does.
***
On the last Sunday before Christmas, Remus arrives at the bakery at quarter to eight on Sunday morning, as usual. The snow is just starting to cover the grounds, but it isn't thick enough to stick around. When he gets to the bakery though, he is perplexed at finding it closed. He didn't know Sirius was planning to close up shop this week. He certainly hadn't left any reminders, although the rest of the townspeople hadn't bothered to show up.
He tests the door but it isn't locked. He opens it and calls out, "Hello?" but all is silent. His hackles rise. He has never seen the bakery so cold, so devoid of life and laughter.
He steps inside cautiously, wand raised. He is more worried that Sirius is hurt than worried that Sirius finds out he is a wizard. He hears a loud 'clank!' in the direction of the kitchen. He walks around the counter, stepping lightly so as not to make any noise and pushes the kitchen door open, peering inside.
His heart drops to his stomach. Sirius is sitting on the big wood table in the centre of the room, his knee raised. There's a half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from one of his pale hands. He stares vacantly into the unlit fireplace, seeing something that isn't there, but what really hurts Remus is the look on Sirius's face.
Paler than usual, Sirius's skin is almost translucent. His lips are down turned, the corners of his mouth trembling His eyes are red, as though he just stopped crying. As Remus watches, debating whether to leave or to stay, Sirius lets out a shuddering sob and drops his head on his bent knees, curling his arms around them. That sob breaks Remus's resolve not to get involved and he walks in, softly knocking on the door to alert Sirius to his presence.
Sirius's head shoots up and he wipes frantically at his face as he gets off the table.
"Remus," he tries to say, but his voice breaks on the last syllable. He clears his voice and tries again. "Remus," he repeats.
Remus suddenly feels out of place. This isn't a place for an acquaintance to be. Remus realizes that Sirius is grieving for something, or someone, and that Remus has no right to intrude on him. "It- it was unlocked," he says, trying to excuse his behaviour. His treacherous face flushes a little. He hasn't felt this awkward since he was a teenager! There's just something about Sirius Black that turns Remus into a stumbling, fumbling mess.
"Oh," is all Sirius says, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans. He sniffs a little, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Remus tries to be disgusted, but can only find it adorable, as improper as it is to think so at this time. "I hadn't realized."
"Yes. It's- now you know," offers Remus, a too bright smile pasted on his face. He looks around, scrambling for another topic. "Where's Harry?" he asks, noticing how quiet it is in the bakery without the sound of Harry's stomping little feet. To his dismay, Sirius's blank mask starts to crumble.
"Gone to- to my cousin's place. My cousin Andromeda, for the weekend," Sirius explains haltingly, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.
Remus's mind is screaming at him to get out of there, to leave while his dignity is still intact. Sirius sounds choked up and Remus just wants to leave this awkward conversation behind him. "I, um, I'll lock up the shop now," Sirius says quickly, rushing past Remus, his head bowed.
On impulse, Remus's hand shoots forward of its own accord and lands on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius stops in his tracks.
"I-do you want to talk about it?" Remus asks, although he can only think, What are you doing? We do not want to talk about this with him!
Unfortunately the words have already been said and they can't be taken back. So Remus waits with baited breath for Sirius to say or do something. Just as Remus is about to retract his hand though, Sirius covers Remus's hand with his own.
Remus's heart flutters oddly and now his brain is sending him mixed signals. He doesn't even know what he's thinking anymore, so he decides to go with the flow for once. Sirius inhales shakily and starts to speak.
"Harry's parents died two years ago today," he says in a small voice, so unlike Sirius's usual voice that Remus barely recognizes it. "They were my best friends."
Remus squeezes Sirius's shoulder comfortingly and there are butterflies in his stomach as Sirius squeezes his hand in return.
"I can't look at Harry when the anniversary of their death comes up," he continues. "I feel so guilty, having known his parents when he barely even- he won't ever- argh!
"We were at a Christmas party that night. I was supposed to be sober, to drive us, Lily and James and Peter, back to the apartment we were sharing, but I fucked up. I had too much to drink and Peter offered, he offered to drive them back while I was- even though he was too high to- I don’t know why we took the fucking car, maybe to impress someone or for the fun of it, I can’t even fucking remember now. The car swerved into oncoming traffic and Peter, he jumped out in time, but he didn't warn Lily and James so they- they didn't-"
Sirius hides his face behind his longer hair. Remus tucks it behind his ear, trying to catch his eye but Sirius avoids him.
"Anyway now Harry lives with me. Peter- got caught doing illegal potions one too many times so now he's rotting away in-" Sirius's head lifts up suddenly but Remus already caught the slip. Sirius is definitely a wizard, or at least he knows of the wizarding world. Remus doesn't call him on it but stores the knowledge away to analyze later.
"-in prison," Sirius finishes lamely, trying to cover for his slip of the tongue.
Remus isn't quite sure what to say. He decides to be as honest as he can be. "We all have our baggage," he says honestly, thinking of his own hidden secrets.
Sirius laughs self-deprecatingly. "Not you, Remus," he says, turning to face Remus. "You're as straight-laced as they come."
Remus looks away and takes a step back, away from Sirius. "No, I'm not," he says quietly. Blood pounding in his ears, he undoes the top buttons from his shirt and pulls it off his shoulder, revealing his bite mark.
Sirius's eyes go wide and dart from the mark to Remus's face, but he says nothing, just stands there, mouth gaping, staring at Remus's grotesque disfiguration. Remus can tell Sirius knows exactly what the bite mark means and he waits to see what Sirius will say, but Sirius says nothing.
Remus turns around and leaves the shop, his stomach full of lead.
When he gets home, he starts to pack his few belongings, casting too-strong Accio's all over the place. He is just leaving when an owl taps against the dirty living room window.
Curious, though knowing he shouldn't dally, he opens the window and lets the bird in. Tied to its leg is a crumpled piece of parchment. He reads the hastily-written note:
Remus,
It explains a lot. Come by the bakery when you get the chance.
Sirius.
Well.
***
It takes Remus three days to get enough courage to go back to the bakery. He is afraid to face Sirius, afraid that it might be a trap so the Ministry can lock him up and register him. But in the short time he has known Sirius, he has learned to trust him, even when he’s driving at breakneck speed on his motorcycle. Besides, if Sirius had told the Ministry where to find him, he would already be locked up by now.
The weather is bitingly cold the night he makes his way out; Remus draws up the collar of his coat to keep his neck warm and stuffs his hands in his pockets. The whole village is decorated for Christmas; all lit up, wreaths hanging on almost every door. He passes a house with a Santa snowman on the front lawn.
He stands in front of The Bread and Butter for a few minutes, debating whether to go inside or not. There are no lights on inside and the sign is turned to 'closed'. He takes a chance and goes to open the door. After all, Sirius did instruct him to come by whenever he liked. To Remus's surprise, the bakery's door clicks open at his touch. He walks in to the dark bakery, wand hanging by his side in a firm grip. He is so used to running for his life, for his freedom, that drawing his wand at the slightest sign of trouble is second nature.
"Hey," says Sirius from behind the counter and Remus resists the instinct to raise his wand and cast an Obliviate. Sirius walks around the counter and puts his hands in his apron pockets.
"It was unlocked," Remus says, feeling like he has already lived this moment, but this time, his heart is beating nervously in anticipation. He counts the thuds it makes as it pounds against his ribcage. Onetwo, threefour, fivesix…
Sirius grins impishly. "I had the wards keyed to your signature," he explains.
"Oh," is all Remus says. It is all he can say because his mouth and lips are so dry. He licks at his lips in an attempt to stop them from drying, but they dry up again a few seconds later. Sirius has offered proof that he is indeed a wizard. Sirius is trusting him with the information. No one ever trusts Remus after knowing what he is.
Sirius takes a step forward, eyes steely in determination. "You asked me what I wanted for Christmas," he says, coming to stand in front of Remus.
"You told me you'd keep me posted," Remus remembers, voice dropping low. He fears it might break if he doesn't drop it to a whisper because he is so nervous. He surreptitiously wipes his palms on his pants.
Sirius wraps a hand around Remus's neck. "I figured it out," he whispers against Remus's chapped lips and presses his lips firmly against Remus's.
Remus doesn't have all the answers, nor does he know everything about Sirius, but for once he decides not to care. He doesn't need those answers to know he loves the feel of Sirius against him. He warps his arms around Sirius's body and pulls him closer. He pulls away when he starts getting overwhelmed.
"I don't really know you," he says, his eyes darting over Sirius's handsome face.
"You know enough," Sirius answers. "And what you don't know, I’ll teach you."
"You don't really know me," Remus tries, knowing he is sabotaging his own happiness, but he needs to make absolutely sure this is for real.
"I know enough," Sirius says firmly. "I know that you're an unregistered werewolf. From the scars on your face you hurt yourself every full moon and you're a terrible healer. You love chocolate éclairs but can't afford them because you can barely hold down a job due to your condition. Harry loves you, even though he rarely takes to strangers. I may not know everything there is to know about you, Remus Lupin, but I know enough to want to get to know you better."
Remus is speechless. He wasn't expecting such an honest declaration from Sirius, who tends to stick to jokes and gentle ribbing. For the first time since his parents were alive, Remus feels wanted and accepted. Like he finally belongs somewhere again.
"Stop running away," Sirius insists, keeping a firm grip on Remus, as though he is afraid Remus will disappear, which he might. Half of Remus still wants to bolt, running as far away as he can. "We can figure things out."
That is the last convincing Remus needs. He wants to stay here, close to Sirius and Harry, and maybe, just maybe, have a family again. "Okay," Remus agrees.
Sirius grins widely at him, like a child on Christmas morning. "Happy Christmas," he says against Remus's lips.
"Happy Christmas," Remus answers, kissing Sirius softly.
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Date: 2011-01-06 05:27 am (UTC)This was wonderful! And little Harry's in it too! Loved the ending--just perfect.
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Date: 2011-01-07 05:54 am (UTC)Remus was doomed from the start. There's no way he can resist treats and Sirius. ;)
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Date: 2011-01-06 07:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-07 05:58 am (UTC)I'm really grateful you felt the 'crackle', as you put it. I'm always worried I won't use the proper words for the emotions I'm trying to relay. It's always good to know when one succeeds! ;)
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Date: 2011-01-06 08:07 am (UTC)I also loved this image and would love to see someone draw it: Remus looks up, startled, and sees a man looking back at him. Covered in flour, his black hair is tied in a loose ponytail, the shorter flyaway hairs framing his aristocratic features. Remus keeps staring, so surprised by the man's grey eyes he doesn't notice when the corner of said eyes crinkle in amusement. Remus straightens, standing tall. That's just yummy!
I can also totally see baker!sirius. He seems tactile and loves to work with his hands and make other people happy, so it's just right. And Remus was adorably hesitant.
Nicely done!
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Date: 2011-01-07 06:01 am (UTC)When I saw the prompt for Sirius as a baker, it just clicked with me. My muse was like, 'oh. Oh, this is good.' I really didn't have much choice in the matter. :P
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Date: 2011-01-06 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-07 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-06 11:24 am (UTC)Heeee. <333 Thank you love! This was lovely! xx
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Date: 2011-01-07 06:06 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked it as it was inspired by your prompt! Took me a while to figure out the coding and blah blah blah. :P Thank goodness
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Date: 2011-01-06 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-07 06:08 am (UTC)Writing this made me want to eat all those goodies myself. Especially éclairs. ;)
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Date: 2011-01-06 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-07 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-06 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-07 06:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-08 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-12 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-08 07:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-09 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-12 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-12 06:26 pm (UTC)I secretly love torturing Sirius. He can be a jerk anyway, so I feel it's okay to deflate his ego a bit with some emotional scars. :P
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Date: 2012-02-19 05:53 pm (UTC)