at the time i was also a closeted trans gay boy and struggling with it because at the time i also didn't know that gender could be fluid + i was dealing with a lot of the 'compulsory heterosexuality' that comes with being socialised as a woman etc etc.
When people talk about literature being meaningful (or, as part of that discussion, complain about how no one reads anymore)
exhibit A is like what you said here:
i suddenly had access to all kinds of queer stories, made friends (all of whom turned out to be queer), unlearned a lot of toxic bullshit (not all at once, mind), and also, over time, managed to slot the pieces of my identity together in a way that made sense, and that i'm comfortable with.
Like, you got that from LITERATURE. And of course the community and friendships that go with fanfic; the fandom itself. But there is no fandom without the stories. Stories are so powerful. I'm 20 years older than you but had a really similar experience a couple of years ago, where entering fandom made me realize how starved I was for queer narrative and queer community and queer self-recognition...all of which I had really lost for a while there. Finding it again involved changing some things about my physical presentation in the world and making a much more concerted effort to be OUT and not just "out." And like you said, I managed to slot pieces of my identity together in a way that made...more sense, if not perfect sense.
I forget which famous writer said these wise words: "A first novel is like a first pancake. You have to throw it out." Onward!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-11-27 02:26 am (UTC)When people talk about literature being meaningful (or, as part of that discussion, complain about how no one reads anymore)
exhibit A is like what you said here:
Like, you got that from LITERATURE. And of course the community and friendships that go with fanfic; the fandom itself. But there is no fandom without the stories. Stories are so powerful. I'm 20 years older than you but had a really similar experience a couple of years ago, where entering fandom made me realize how starved I was for queer narrative and queer community and queer self-recognition...all of which I had really lost for a while there. Finding it again involved changing some things about my physical presentation in the world and making a much more concerted effort to be OUT and not just "out." And like you said, I managed to slot pieces of my identity together in a way that made...more sense, if not perfect sense.
I forget which famous writer said these wise words: "A first novel is like a first pancake. You have to throw it out." Onward!