Fic: A Simple Favor for grandilloquism

[bearshorty.livejournal.com]

Title: A Simple Favor
Author/Artist: bearshorty
Recipient: grandilloquism
Rating: PG
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *AU, kissing *
Word count: c. 2785
Summary: Remus just wanted to go to a fancy party. Sirius just wanted to see the look on his mother’s face if he brought someone non-aristocratic. All perfectly logical reasons to pretend to be dating. Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Muggle AU.
Notes: Thank you to Bear for beta. I’ve tried to do all three wishes, so I hope, Katie, you will like this. Happy Holidays, everyone!


Scene 1

“Just kill me now,” said Sirius as he sat down in their usual booth on the weekly Friday night outing at a fairly grungy looking pub. He also promptly and dramatically dropped his head on the table. And then, deciding it wasn’t enough, he also banged it on the table a few times. Remus winced just thinking about the dubious cleanliness of the said table.

“Sure, I’ll do it. Do you prefer a stab wound or I could push you off the bridge?” said Lily cheerfully, while taking a sip of her pint.

Sirius showed her the bird.

James objected but then pushed a pint he got for Sirius earlier in the evening across the table in the latter’s direction. Sirius drained almost half of it right way to show his distress.

“Why such a fuss?” said Remus.

“I had a conversation with Mother not an hour ago,” said Sirius, finally putting his pint down.

“Those are never good,” said James. “What did she say now? Is she still using creative language to deplore your, as she would put it, ‘lifestyle choice.’”

“It’s worse.”

“How can it be worse? Did she cut you off from the family, like her constant threats?” asked Lily with some concern.

“That would be too easy. She is too cruel to be that nice to let me off the hook for my obligations. No, it is worse. She wanted to make sure that I dress appropriately tomorrow for the party because the eldest Avery boy would be there.”

“So?” asked Remus, puzzled.

“She is trying to set me up! She apparently decided that if she can’t make me straight, I should at least date someone from the reputable and aristocratic family, as she would put it. It will not be fun. And to think that for once I was actually looking forward to a fancy party because I could make fun of everyone with cousin Andromeda and the food is catered by my favorite chef.” Sirius dropped his head on the table again.

“Well, you can always skip the party,” said Lily.

“He can’t, love,” said James. “The engagement party for Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black is the social event of the season. It is a big society event which even royalty will attend. Even my parents couldn’t get out of it. They did, however, made excuses for us. Sirius, however, has to go.”

“Unfortunately,” mumbled Sirius.

“That’s ridiculous,” said Remus. “You are a grown man of twenty-five. You can tell Avery you are not interested.”

“Remus, you don’t get it. That is not how these things work,” said Sirius, raising his head again and then draining the rest of his drink. “I need another.”

“Right. I’m just a peasant. I can’t possibly understand. I’ll just get you a drink, shall I,” Remus said with just a little bitterness as he made to get up. He met James and Sirius at school where he was a scholarship student, and sometimes the reminders that he didn’t come from their world remained a sore spot.

Sirius grabbed his hand to stop him. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I’m an ass sometimes, but I don’t mean it.”

Remus’ face softened. He could never stay mad at Sirius, especially when Sirius looked at him like a sad puppy. A fact that Sirius often exploited. “It’s alright. I’ll get a new round anyway,” Remus said.

As Remus ordered new drinks, a solution to Sirius’ problem presented itself. It was probably a bit silly but he could also admit to himself that he was really curious about the fancy party.

When he got back to the table and sat down Remus tried to talk very casually. “You know, you can take me with you. Pretend I’m your date. I wouldn’t mind. Could get Avery off your back and stop your Mum from asking questions or trying to set you up.”

Sirius looked at him for a bit and then his face split into a wide smile. “And it would really piss Mother off if I showed up with someone like you! It’s brilliant!”

“Sirius!” exclaimed Lily.

“Oi!” said Remus.

Sirius put both hands up in a defensive gesture, especially since James threw some chips at him. “I only meant that, to Mother, Remus is too poor, too ill and probably too dangerous to date a Black. You know you are one of my best mates. Yeah, that would work. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven.”

“Ok. And you’ll owe me one.”

“Hey, I’m taking you to a party of the season.”

“True,” Remus smiled.

“This will be fantastic!” Sirius raised his glass in a toast.

Scene 2.

When Sirius finally knocked on Remus’ door, it was seven-thirty. He was all ready to make a carefully constructed joke about being late when he realized that the man who opened the door wasn’t Remus at all but an older man with a kind expression.

“Sorry. I thought...I’m looking for Remus?” Sirius hitched the garment bag he was carrying a little higher. He was slightly confused. Remus never had anyone over in his tiny flat. At the thought that Remus had a gentleman caller Sirius didn’t know about, and an older one at that, Sirius’ stomach squirmed uncomfortably for some reason. However, his good mood was regained at the man’s words.

“Yes, yes. You must be Sirius. Do come in. I’m Lyall Lupin, Remus’ father,” said the man, smiling and opening the door to let Sirius pass.

“Oh. Hello. You’re visiting? Remus always said you never leave Wales,” said Sirius as he made his way inside and put the garment bag on the coat hanger.

“Da decided it was time to see London. He came in this morning and surprised me.” Remus strolled out of the small closet he called a bedroom, trying to button his cufflinks.

“What are you doing?” asked Sirius.

“What do you mean?” said Remus. The cufflink didn’t want to cooperate. “Here help me with this.” Remus held out his sleeve to Sirius but Sirius shook his head, took the garment bag back from the coat hanger and thrust it at Remus.

“Put this on. And the shoes. Everything should be the right size. I have a good eye.”

Remus grabbed the bag before it fell on the ground. He stared at it incredulously.

“I have a suit. I’m wearing it,” he said warily.

“Not a designer suit. And as much as Mother would have a fit seeing you wearing the one you have on, it is still a fancy party and you should look good,” Sirius said. He noted that Mr. Lupin moved toward the tiny kitchen, sat down at the little table and pretended to read the newspaper.

“I look fine,” said Remus indignantly. “Just because this suit is not the latest style... I bought this and I earned it and I’m proud of it. What, you think I should be grateful to wear something that costs more than a month’s salary? I’m a teacher, not a rich boy. And I’m not your toy here to dress up. I’m doing you a favor!”

Remus’ voice was gaining volume.

Sirius sighed, “You are taking this wrong again, Remus. Really. Don’t wear it if you don’t want, mate, but the point is to make an impression to Mother. She needs to take you seriously. I just know my world, and you would be better off in an Armani.”

Remus stared at Sirius for a full minute before he turned in a huff and went to the bedroom to change. Sirius stood in the entrance way for a bit before turning to Mr. Lupin.

“I don’t know what Remus told you about me but you shouldn’t believe a word of it,” Sirius said.

Mr. Lupin smiled. “He only said good things. You helped him many times. I’m grateful. He also said you are very unlike the rest of your family since your surname did raise some eyebrows at first.”

“My family does have a reputation. And I am its black sheep... or rather the white sheep, I’d like to think. Still, they are family.”

“That is very understandable.” Mr. Lupin continued to smile in Sirius’ direction like he knew something Sirius did not. “I hope you and Remus have a lovely time tonight. He doesn’t go out that often.”

“Well, he did volunteer. I will certainly be glad of a company that I can actually stand.”

“Friendship is always a great foundation, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded, a little confused. He stood in the hallway, not sure what else to say or how to decipher Mr. Lupin’s comments. Finally, Remus appeared from his bedroom looking very dapper.

“See, the suit works well on you. C’mon, turn around a bit, let’s see how it fits and shows your assets.”

Remus showed Sirius the finger, making sure his father couldn’t see it. Sirius laughed, waved goodbye to Mr. Lupin, and opened the door, waiting for Remus to walk through it. It was going to be a fabulous party.

Scene 3.

“What I love about fancy parties is that the fancier the party the smaller the food. Here have some.” Sirius handed Remus the tiniest sandwich Remus ever seen followed by a glass of champagne. Sirius loved those sandwiches.

They had been at the party for almost an hour and still have not come across Sirius’ mother. There were just so many people, spilling out into elaborately decorated gardens. Sirius didn’t mind too much. He was enjoying the drinks and the appetizers and introducing everyone to his lovely ‘boyfriend.’ The reaction of many, especially those trying to keep a polite front, was highly amusing.

Remus ate the little sandwich and made the most delightful noise of pleasure.

“Enjoying yourself?” asked Sirius.

“Yeah,” said Remus. “I met some pretty famous people and a few members of the royal family too. You weren’t kidding when you said everyone will be here.”

“Well, the fun is not over since I finally see Mother. There she is. Look boyfriend like.” And Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand. It was slightly calloused and very warm. Remus’ hand jerked in his in surprise, and it took a few seconds for their hands to settle well together. A small part of Sirius’ brain registred how much he liked holding it. Most of him, however, focused on putting a happy expression on his face. It came surprisingly easy.

“Sirius, there you are. Your brother told me you were here and with a guest.” Walburga glided toward them in a fancy dress and an inscrutable expression on her face. She was clearly appraising Remus and their joined hands did not escape her notice. “Introduce us.”

“Of course, Mother. Mother, this is Remus Lupin. I’ve mentioned him before. We attended school together. And, more recently, we also started seeing each other. I’m sorry I haven’t told you earlier. Remus, this is my Mother: Walburga Black.”

“How do you do, Mrs. Black?” asked Remus very politely.

“Hmm,” said Walburga. She added after a poignant minute where she seemed to really examine Remus, “And where is your family from, Remus? Lupin is a French surname, I believe?”

“Mother…” While Sirius fully intended to horrify his mother with the prospect of her eldest son dating someone outside their social circle, he suddenly felt heat rising on his face. Remus certainly did not deserve this.

“It’s alright, Sirius,” said Remus, squeezing Sirius’ hand. “My family is Welsh, Mrs. Black. I don’t believe there is French ancestry. I, myself, am a teacher.”

“I see,” said Walburga and moved her eyes from Remus as though he was no longer worthy of her attention. “Sirius, why don’t you leave your friend to the hors d’oeuvres while I introduce you to the young Avery. His mother was also keen to meet you.” And she turned as though ready to move away and for Sirius to follow her.

‘No, Mother. Didn’t you hear me. I’m seeing Remus. He’s my boyfriend. I really don’t need any introductions.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius. And don’t make a scene.”

For Sirius, this conversation stopped being a joke. Riling her up was no longer appealing when his mother was so blatantly putting down Remus. Remus, who was kind, and funny, and could put up with him while not tolerating his bastardy behavior. He even forgot that they weren’t really dating and that Remus was only here as a favor.

“No. I will make a scene if necessary, Mother,” said Sirius, while lowering his voice and gripping Remus’ hand even more tightly. “You might not approve but you will treat Remus with respect.”

Sirius did not wait for her reply. He turned and led Remus away. He headed toward the door to the private library he saw earlier in the day, his heart beating in his chest. He never directly defied Mother before. He didn’t want to think about the consequences. He grabbed a bottle of champagne from a table and decided he wanted to get very, very drunk. He did note in the corner of his mind that Remus did not let go of his hand, and was following along without question. As always, Remus was in his corner.

Scene 4.

The private library was very quiet once they shut the doors. The sounds of the party faded away. Sirius finally let go of Remus, sat down in the nearby armchair and promptly took a swig out of the champagne bottle before offering it to Remus.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I knew she would just hate the idea but I really thought she would try to keep it polite.”

Remus smiled softly as he, too, took a swig, and then passed the bottle back. “No worries. I actually didn’t expect much civility based on all you told me over the years. I imagine she will be very relieved when you tell her we broke up.”

Sirius paused mid-swig. “What? What do you mean ‘broke up?’”

“We are fake dating, remember?”

“Right.”

Sirius drank some more and really looked at Remus. The idea that their fake relationship would end seemed to really unsettle him.

“Why haven’t we ever hooked up?” he asked, as the thought occurred to him. “I mean, you’re good looking enough and I’m gorgeous.”

Remus snorted. “You are at that. I don’t know. We’re mates. I just never wanted to ruin our friendship, and you never even expressed interest.”

“Well, that was stupid of me.” Sirius suddenly smiled as the thought occurred to him. “Hey, does it mean you did fancy me? If I ‘expressed interest’ before, I mean, would you have gone for me?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “You are very fit. I’m not blind. But we’re mates.”

“So you keep saying.”

Sirius stared at Remus for a minute or so, and Remus started to fidget a little where he was standing, leaning on a desk. Then Sirius put aside the bottle (which was significantly less full after both of them had a go), got up, and moved deliberately toward Remus.

“What is it?” asked Remus trying to take a step back but without success.

“Let me try something,” said Sirius coming closer. He was never one to think too much about his actions and he also always went after what he wanted.

Sirius came very close to Remus, seeing all the little freckles he somehow missed in the fourteen years they had known each other. He wanted to trace them all. He settled to putting his hand on Remus’ face, leaning in and kissing him straight on the mouth.

That first kiss didn’t last very long. Sirius felt his stomach drop as if he was on a rollercoaster and warmth flood his whole body. And then Remus pulled away. He was looking directly at Sirius in wonder too. Then, before Sirius could lean in again, it was Remus who swept in. The second kiss was decidedly more dirty and lasted quite a while. Sirius didn’t think he would ever get enough.

“We should definitely date for real,” said Sirius when they were taking a break from kissing. “I don’t care if Mother has a fit. I liked having you as my boyfriend.”

“All right,” said Remus. “But you can’t keep making me wear fancy suits. I’m not going to date you for the money.”

Sirius nodded. “You can always forgo all clothing,” he said, smiling wickedly and wiggling his eyebrow.

“Oi! Buy me dinner first,” said Remus.

“I brought you to a fancy party!” exclaimed Sirius. “It should count.”

“Fair enough,” said Remus and leaned in to kiss Sirius again.