Thank you so much for the reassurances in your kind further comment. I want to believe that this kind of closeness in the narration can draw readers in, but I’m afraid some are scared off before seeing that I can make this grammatical person and tense work.

I’ll also treasure your beautifully-worded list of some subtly romantic elements in the story. I’m particularly happy that the reception of this little piece has proved that my writing can satisfy even such readers who usually prefer something more soppy, more fluffy or more smutty.