Love the opening line, and all the quirky humor throughout--especially the goldfish (a character in its own right), Peter misunderstanding the word "pimp" to mean "prince" (and how you played with that by making the frog not a prince but a pimp), the twist on Red Riding Hood flirting with Remus and asking him if he's a wolf, and Rapunzel's mother's comments. I also really enjoyed your portrayal of Remus and Sirius; it was fun to see Sirius being the cautious one for once, and I laughed out loud when he tried to get out of things by saying he was secretly afraid of Portkeys. This was just a lot of fun to read, and a wonderful example of a fractured fairy tale gone right. Well done.